[musinglizzy]

I've been in this situation with her before, and I've brought it up. I just didn't have it in me to bring it up today, to start something with her. Not too long ago she asked me to not use text with her anymore. She was feeling controlled by her devices, and was asking everyone to tone down the texts. Deep down I didn't like that at all...just because she has gradually taken enough away that used to be ok, and here's something else. But today her phone wasn't silenced, and whenever I'd hear that little chime, I knew I would catch her lean over and glimpse at the phone out of the corner of my eye.

Since this has come up between us before, and she made that statement about her devices recently, it made me think she's doing this purposefully. But then I get frustrated with myself that it seems like I'm always thinking something is a mind game, and deliberate. But it seems it's either that, or she's just completely clueless! Just wanted to vent...

[ruh roh]

Has this in session chiming been happening since you told her that you're seeing other therapists? Because from your posts, she has sounded like the type to pay you back for that.

[atisketatasket]

I vote for clueless. The woman has consistently demonstrated an emotional IQ and a sensitivity rating that is far, far lower than room temperature.

I would have stared pointedly at her when she looked at her phone and then said something about her devices controlling her.

[Pennster]

Yes, she sounds like she's either not very bright or not very healthy, or both. I am happy your new therapist is starting to really click.

I vote for clueless. I highly doubt she is planning this. I don't think she thinks that far ahead.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks all. This is the first time she's left the phone unsilenced. If it chimed in during other sessions, she would just silence it. Today, she didn't, and it had texts come in several times. I feel like she's doing this on purpose, perhaps to "get me back," but then I feel like I'm being totally crazy and reading too much into things. But maybe I'm not?

I don't know. I feel like my T is doing the same thing. ..and I'm not delusional, but I wonder if there's another explanation, like his attachment type or something.

It can make you feel crazy, doesn't it?

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by seahorse

I don't know. I feel like my T is doing the same thing. ..and I'm not delusional, but I wonder if there's another explanation, like his attachment type or something.

It can make you feel crazy, doesn't it?

YES! lol

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Thanks all. This is the first time she's left the phone unsilenced. If it chimed in during other sessions, she would just silence it. Today, she didn't, and it had texts come in several times. I feel like she's doing this on purpose, perhaps to "get me back," but then I feel like I'm being totally crazy and reading too much into things. But maybe I'm not?

So . . . follow through in your thinking. You believe your therapist left her phone on vibrate on the off chance someone would call just to get back at you, that she unsilenced it just for your session to get back at you, or in some way arranged for someone to keep calling just to get back at you. Yeah, that's reading a bit too much into things.

If she generally has her phone silenced but didn't this time, I might would have just asked if there was an emergency going on or something that she needed her phone for. If there was, she could let you know. If there wasn't, she could get the hint to turn it off.

[ruh roh]

I don't think it's possible to read too much into things with this therapist. She is toxic.

. . . cluelessly toxic . . .

[BayBrony]

Even if she isn't doing it on purpose not silencing her phone after the first chime makes her rude. My T left her phone on in therapy only once ever, when her son was sick

[Merecat]

I don't know whether she "meant" anything by it, but it's completely unacceptable. If she didn't turn it off and put it away after the first time I would have told her to either turn the phone off or ended the session. Therapy is the one place where you're entitled to someone's full attention.

[runlola72]

I hate when T's phone goes off in session. It's distracting and fortunately doesn't happen often. But I always wonder if he has another client he is concerned about, and that is why he has left it on, for emergency purposes. I would say something next time this happens. She needs to be told how it affects you, and possibly other clients

[precaryous]

She recently asked everyone to tone down the texts? Sounds like she was getting an awful lot of phone contacts for someone who asked her clients to tone it down.

She has the choice whether she interrupts your session to glance at her phone. She has a choice whether she leaves her phone on or not.

Surely, if there is no pressing emergency, she can check her messages in between clients.
Not professional at all. You are paying for her full attention.
I admit, I don't like this T at all.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I don't think it's possible to read too much into things with this therapist. She is toxic.

Ruh roh, I think I love you! LOL Awesome thought...

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by precaryous

She recently asked everyone to tone down the texts? Sounds like she was getting an awful lot of phone contacts for someone who asked her clients to tone it down.

She has the choice whether she interrupts your session to glance at her phone. She has a choice whether she leaves her phone on or not.

Surely, if there is no pressing emergency, she can check her messages in between clients.
Not professional at all. You are paying for her full attention.
I admit, I don't like this T at all.

Thank you for all the support! I have contacted T3 to ask her about doing two sessions a week, (I like the support and consistency right now) if I quit T1. She wrote me back that yes, she could arrange it, but suggested I not do anything to terminate with T1 until our next session, as she has some ideas to help that process go more smoothly and healthily. I know the two Ts do NOT like each other. I can tell just in their words. And although it took me awhile to warm up/feel safe with T3, it's finally happening, so maybe now is the time.

With T1, I've been seeing her for two years (two years like, right now...actually I think the 22nd was my first session with her) and have disclosed a lot with her for the first time ever, so there's an attachment, a history there, and I do have love in my heart for her. So that's what makes it hard. But, I think I've outgrown her.... or our ruptures are just not able to be moved past in a way that I can learn to trust her again as I once did.

I punish myself, at times, going to therapy....because I know it's not good for me with her, but attachment keeps me going. Then it's just a viscous cycle of beating myself up for continuing, but not being able to fathom the thought of leaving. It sucks. But I'll get there. I think now that I've told T3, she will surely help me, and I know she's supportive of it.

[Soccer mom]

One of the biggest problems with my ex-T was inconsistency and that is the issue here. I think sometimes boundaries need to be revisited and changed but it should be done with a lot of conversation beforehand. My ex-T. would also look over at her phone and it bothered me. My current T. puts all of her phones completely outside the room. If she forgets, she apologizes and promptly moves it to the other room.

You know my thoughts on her and I think you're heading in the right direction. I think you've had too many ruptures with her to completely trust her at this point.

[musinglizzy]

Thanks SoccerMom.... yeah, inconsistency is HUGE. And your exT had some of that too. My T has actually said it's not a BAD thing to learn that life isn't consistent...and that means therapy won't always be either. I think that was an excuse for her behavior. You all have been following me a long time with this T, and I really appreciate all the support I've gotten from PC.

[Pennster]

I think your T is so self-justifying for her own flaws, Lizzy. Did you really need her to be inconsistent to learn that life isn't consistent? I doubt it. Her attempt to convince you to consider her flaws as a therapist a feature instead of a bug is galling.

Originally Posted by seahorse

I don't know. I feel like my T is doing the same thing. ..and I'm not delusional, but I wonder if there's another explanation, like his attachment type or something.

It can make you feel crazy, doesn't it?

Yes, I recently posted about this in another thread! How your ts attachment style affects your therapy.
Muzzling she does sound clueless to her own emotions and to others especially yours

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[musinglizzy]

Thank you for all of the replies. I'm really struggling with the anger I feel towards my T right now. Ugh. It sucks.