Do therapists care about clients equally?

I really don't understand the antagonism directed at me in your posts. What reality are you talking about???

I think in general T's care about all the clients the same. Of course there are exceptions to all the rules but they typically got it the business to help others. They care about making their clients and want to make their lives happier and healthier.

However, there is a difference between caring and liking. I do think T's like some clients more than others. Just because sometimes people click more with another person. When it comes to my coworkers I care for them equally however, there is one that I like more not because the rest of them aren't great but because we have more in common.

I think they may care about how they see themselves working and thus do what they can to maintain the idea to themselves that they are working for each client the same (since they already consider sitting there some sort of work) but I don't think that turns into caring about each client the same.

I dunno i think the deep listening my t does is work. I have to listen to callers all day long and my mind wanders even on a 5 minute call, and she listens to me for close to an hour at a time! I know she does, cuz she remembers **** i forgot I'd told her, lol

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Definitely different levels of care. I just hope I'm on the higher end, or at least not at the lower end.

I also would guess that like everyone else, they "click" better with some than others. And relationships tend to be fluid, so after time, they might develop (professional) feelings they didn't have at first. I guess unless someone's therapy is kind of perfunctory (like I need help getting over my fear of leaving my house), the relationship itself is the big deal. If I was searching for a therapist, I'd want one that I felt I "clicked" with. Someone who seems to "get" me.

I very much doubt they do but I don't think there's any way of really figuring it out.

Also, I think some stuff may just be about the T's general personality or what the T routinely does (as a policy) in certain situations or given certain conditions but all of that may come across as special caring (or not caring) to the client (especially in times of significant distress).

However, in the absence of excruciatingly awkward conversations with the T about it -- during which I'd highly doubt the T would tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth -- it's kind of impossible to know.

I think caring is different from connection.

I have a job in which I interact with people most of the day, and I certainly want everyone I work with to do equally well. I give the same of myself to everyone (care and all), regardless of my personal feelings towards them.

However, I do connect with certain people more than others and that translates into developing a closer working relationship.

Whatever do you mean? Aren't we all special snowflakes?

There's a quantitative element to liking in that there are some people for whom I feel a lot more like than others. But among people I like, liking is a very qualitative thing. I could never rank the people I like by how much liking I feel for each one of them. It would be more of "I enjoy his sense of humour", or "conversation with her always flows so naturally" or "her presence is so comfortable and pleasant." How could I rank all that?

They absolutely have favorites. I can't get my Ts full attention and that's with payment. I know for a fact that my T has gone out of her way for certain clients. There was one where she went to her house and had dinner with her family to see what her clients life was like and to speak to her mother. I'm sure that client is saying what a wonderful T she is and to her she definitely is. She's been seeing that client for years and she still sees her 2-3 times a week. I'm lucky if I get 45 min a week with my Ts attention. The one time I was going to see my T right after that particular client and my T was walking her to the car and having a conversation with her in the parking lot. That made her late to my session. Then I had to wait for her to get settled and use the bathroom.

No, I don't think they do. I think they try, but they are human too...and there are most likely some clients they like working with better than others I'm quite sure.

The reality they you missed. You made an assumption. Built on by word of mouth. I think you do know.

No they definitely don't care the same and it sucks to be the one who was trashed, mocked and used while T was flirting with a former in-law. He terminated me and kept seeing her. How is that for loyalty?

I don't think they do. I've talked to my one T (who's now on leave) about this sort of stuff. She said things to me like ''all clients are equally important'' and ''I care about all my clients'' and more of such stupid lies.

I also talked about this to my current (replacement) T. She thinks T's deffinitely have clients with who they have more of a click than other clients and that they like some clients more than other clients and that there's a different between a clients she has been seeing for years and a client she has only know for 2 months. BUT T's should be carefull to treat all clients equally and give all clients the same attention and such. And she also don't know if it's a good idea for a T to say to her client that she likes her more or cares more about her than about her other clients (I disagree. I think it would be good for me to hear other T say she likes me/cares a little bit more about me than about other clients or to just hear her say that I'm important to her).

If it makes anyone feel any better, I think the level of like says more about the like-er than the like-ee.

For instance, I sometimes dislike some of my students. Usually because I'm hung-over. Or I have a headache. Or I'm tired, or I got in a fight with my husband, or my dog died. It's about me, not something inherently unlikable in the student.

That special snowflake BS? It's true. EVERYBODY has something special, something good, something worthy of admiration in them. If you can't see it, that's your problem, not theirs.

It's tempting, when little Johnny is irritating the **** out of me, to conclude that little Johnny is therefore irritating, that he's a bad student, that he's not trying hard enough. It's much easier than looking at myself and asking, "Have you run low on patience today? Should you really be this irritated that little Johnny is talking to Suzie instead of doing his work? Is there a reason Johnny is so distractible today? Should you consider the possibility that you have not explained the assignment clearly enough, or that you're expecting too much?"

I think this is why it's essential that T's have some level of self-awareness and pay attention to their counter-transference for what it is. They can like some clients more than others. They're only human. Feelings are allowed. But they need to acknowledge that this is about them, not the client, and they need to use this information to check themselves and the work they're doing.

Anyway, just my two cents.

I think they care for some more than others, we all do to a certain extent. Sometimes we get more attached to some people or can relate to some more than others. I know I try to treat everybody the same but there some people whose company I enjoy more than others and have a rapport with. I don't think it's wrong or right, it just is!

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I would hope that they care about there clients equally but I have a feeling they care and connect to others more.

I think they would not be lying to themselves, they would be deceiving the client. What benefit? Income. I don't see the point in assuming Ts are any more altruistic than anyone else.

I think the problem is that for some clients the need to feel special to the T becomes a preoccupation, probably from early childhood deprivation and all that horsesh*t. Any sign that you might be special becomes intoxicating. Any sign that you are not special becomes a torment.

And seems to me once you have begun asking that question, you might be well on the way to emotional dependency.

Just curious Budfox, what is your alternative. As I say, just curious.

To therapy in general? Dunno. Seems healthy real world relationships are the answer, but easier said than done. Does there have to be an alternative? Would people fall apart without therapy, truly? Like seemingly the rest of mainstream western healthcare, perhaps it is best used in crises and emergencies. Then once out of crisis, get the hell away, lest a doctor or therapist try to get their paws on you long term. Just my thoughts.

eta: There is EMDR, biofeedback, spiritual practice, support groups.

I guess I see my way to healthy real world relationships through the therapeutic relationship, false as it is seen in some peoples' eyes.I have yet to be hurt by it and so can still carry a glimmer of hope that this may be the answer because I have failed in every other attempt over the years to try to do this 'on my own'. I totally hear what you are saying though and do accept that it has the potential to do a lot of damage which is why, for me, this is a last resort. The alternative was a landslide back to places I have been before and refuse to go again. For me there was no other alternative and so I keep going and hoping I do not get hurt as so many others before me have. Thanks for answering.

Understood. You gotta go with whatever options are available. I have not given up entirely on the idea, but I cant really envision myself doing it again either. Hope it works out for you.

BTW, I think another alternative is to heal the physical body, including the brain. God knows what sort of ailments some people have been living with, producing the symptoms of "mental illness".

No they have favorites and I was not the "snowflake". No surprise there but who he picked over me was a huge surprise. I'm still reeling....