If somebody says 'you're looking very womanly', what does this mean?

Unless I had a baby that moment emerging from my hoo-hah, yeah I'd say it was sexist. And Or that the person thought I looked like a transvestite.

The choice of womanly is what makes it sexist or sexual to me. Were the comment "you look very feminine," that is more descriptive of non-sexual physical appearance than "womanly."

I don't agree. It is the exact same thing for me. Of course both the intention and the perception of either wording will depend 100% on who says it and who hears it. For me anything that talks about me and womanliness/femininity/any other gender evaluating word in the same sentence is a condescending and sexist insult but that is obviously just my stuff talking. Doesn't necessarily make it less valid though. (that last comment is directed at myself, not at @t@t )

Both words creep me out, and "manly" sounds like a joke to me. Oh - probably from the Irish Springs bar soap commercial. "It smells manly!" "But I like it too!"

If I were to use that phrase, it would mean "You are looking stereotypically 'feminine', in an appealing way". It would be a compliment. However, that's just an educated guess. I do not use that phrase personally, as it sounds awkward to me.

"Wow, you are wearing that emo teenager look so well today". I wouldn't say that, either. Awkward!

For me, the problem is that I don't believe people should be commenting on women's looks particularly where they would not say the same thing to a man. And intent is not the problem - it is the idea that others think a woman's body is something they get to comment on in the first place.

Personally, I love getting looks and comments. It makes my day.

One day, I was pumping gas, and wearing a frilly blouse. A man walked over to me from his gas pump and complemented how pretty I looked. I smiled and said 'thank you'.

I'll take that any day. It's when they stop noticing you that you should start to worry.

I think intent matters a great deal. People unintentionally say clumsy things. We can judge them for their clumsy comment and hold it against them, calling them judgmental names and making generalizations about their character based on that one comment (how many us could stand up to that scrutiny) or we can look at the whole person, decide if this truly was just a clumsy comment rather than an all-encompassing character flaw that we can't get past and decide whether let it go and move on about it.

Personally, I choose to go with the second option. Will I run into people who say things I can't get past and therefore I break ties to them? Occasionally. But most of the time, people are just flawed speakers from time to time and I can look at the bigger picture. That's all I suggest for the OP. If this is a one time off-hand, out of character kind of comment, can you get past it and move beyond it or not? Only you know that because you are the only person here who knows this particular therapist.

This is not really about whether friends or acquaintances or strangers should or shouldn't comment on other people's appearance (I have very strong opinions on this but don't want to get involved in that discussion), but whether it is appropriate for a therapist to make that kind of comment without explaining what he or she meant by it.

And I think the variety of responses here indicate that no, that's probably not a helpful or therapeutic remark to make to a client unless there is a clear explanation of what it means.

When they stop noticing you is the day your privilege has ended and you're a normal person like the rest of us. Why can't we be good to other people regardless of cuteness or youth or race or whatever?

No anger issues here! LOL! But I love this reply!!!

I don't think I would appreciate that comment at all! From anyone...though if it was genuinely well intentioned then a milder rebuff would suffice

Also, and I have no idea why, it would make me think the person was saying I had put on weight. Like saying 'you look well' (in England) is often a ****** way of saying 'crikey, who ate all the pies?

Why can't we allow a person who otherwise seems to be a decent human being to mess up and make a mistake without branding them as sexist, prickish, etc.?

It was only a frilly blouse that provoked that man to go out of his way to complement me. If it was a tee shirt, he wouldn't have.

But we all agree, the comment 'womanly' was curious for the OP.

Obviously what the phrase 'you look very womanly today', means depends on whose perspective you are taking, to some it is sexist and offensive to others it is just a comment and a welcome one at that.I still think it is a sexual appraisal and I wouldn't like it said to me, it also means in my mind that somebody saying that is hinting that I am looking more feminine than I usually do.For someone like me who dislikes extreme femininity that is put on more than natural I still think it is an insult.

I would interpret it as I look fat but I can skew pretty much anything anyone says to mean that

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I was criticizing society who set the game up, not so much the individual who unwittingly plays it. Forgive them for they know not what they do. Worst quote! - encouraged superiority in us little Catholic school snots!

Because it is used to support the idea that women's bodies are the property of others. A woman's body is not her own. We are constantly being told to smile, to look nice, to play nice, to not make waves, to take unwanted comments on our bodies because the speaker did not intend anything (which I don't believe), and so forth. Women in the news have their clothes and weight and makeup criticized more than men. Women are not supposed to age or eat and if they do-it is open season on them for comments about their looks. Read the descriptions of older women athletes (she still looks thin, she wore the same outfit as someone half her age and it looked good) versus male athletes (he looks strong, he can still hit a ball better than a man half his age).
I for one am tired of enduring comments on how I look versus how I am. Again tell a man he is looking very manly today or interrupt him at a work meeting by telling him how attractive his tie is or notice his socks or beard or hair and see how he responds, tell a man to smile and play nice and not be mean and to be good and quiet and compliant and see what happens.

We don't know whether the therapist is a decent human being. And also because sexist comments are the norm.

There are a number of people I would not like to tell me I was looking "very womanly." In fact, the only person I would appreciate hearing it from is someone I was dating. So therapists are off the list - and the OP seems bothered by it, if I'm reading her right.

It is a sexist comment. That does not mean the person who said it is a sexist. But if they're a therapist, they should take care.

Eta: if someone were to say that to me, I would think they were referring to my pectoral area, if you know what I mean.

Is the T who said it make or female? If a man said that to me, I would find it inappropriate. But if my older, female T said that to me I would take it to mean that I am looking very feminine (dress/make-up/etc) or that I have an hourglass figure. My T never said that exactly but, when we were talking about body image, she did make the comment that I have a very feminine figure. Since she has a very straight up and down figure and looks somewhat masculine-- and I have more of an hourglass figure-- I took it as simply an observation or even a compliment. I'm small so I did not take "feminine" or "womanly"'to be fat. I think it really depends on who says it, and what the context is.

For me, the gender of the speaker would not make that much of a difference and if either of the two female therapists I see ever took it upon themselves to comment upon my attire, looks, etc - I would be extremely displeased.

One time in therapy, I was putting myself down about my appearance, and the t (male) said "you look perfectly fine to me". I think that's very appropriate.

My t says that too. Also tells me I'm beautiful . Yet also manages to be health positive i.e., encourages me in dealing with my morbid obesity. He's like Gumby!