Is my T sick of me?

I've been seeing my therapist for almost three years now. When I send him an email, he always writes me back by the end of the day. Over the past couple of weeks, he's gone days without writing me back. It sucks. I feel super unimportant. I wonder if it's because he's sick of me? Or at one point last year he reduced me fee because I couldn't afford him any more, and now I wonder if I'm literally just not worth his time. It sucks.

I've been suffering pretty bad this week and he's not writing me back. Sometimes I really wish I could just leave him and go to someone else because my attachment to him seems too much, but then I'm terrified to leave. I feel like it's just going to go on and on like this forever.

Have you tried talking to him about it? I mean about his taking longer to respond to e-mails. Well, you could talk about the attachment, too, but I know that's harder. I just think talking about your frustration/disappointment would help.

I agree with Lonesome. I would discuss how you feel with regards to replying to you're emails. I would feel disappointed too, hope he has a good reason. Keep us updated.

I guess I should bring it up tomorrow. It sucks. I feel pretty hurt. I just feel like "Why am I even going to this guy anymore?" He's hugely important to me and I am SO unimportant to him. I wish I could just stop going back.

I understand very well what it feels like to wait for that response to your email, and the disappointment and frustration, and even sadness, every time you check your inbox and you still haven't received it. I'm sorry you're feeling so unimportant right now, and I understand that feeling as well, but I doubt you are unimportant to him if he reduced his fee for you so you could continue to see him. That sounds like caring to me, and like he values you as a client.

I know it's hard to bring these things up in session, but I think you'll feel much better once you do.

He was kind enough to reduce his fee for me but now I feel like it may have been a bad idea. He may value me less as a client now. And because of the reduced fee, it's hard for me to feel like I have the right to complain about stuff like this.

It was his choice to reduce the fee, he didn't have to do it. Therefor, he needs to value you the same amount as any other client. I doubt his slow response to emails has to do with the newly reduced fee. There's probably something else going on. Definitely talk to him about it. And I understand the feeling of being less important to your T as they are to you. My T is incredibly important to me, but I'm sure I'm not nearly as important to her. It's hard. Hugs.

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Didn't you recently reveal erotic transference toward your therapist? He might be just trying to distance a little so as to keep a boundary; maybe it's nothing exactly personal. Also, isn't reducing your fee a good thing?? Therapy is expensive, with or without insurance (mine only reimburses very little). If anything, he likes you enough to reduce his fee. He didn't have to.

I know what you mean about being terrified to leave and going on and on and on (for about three years, as well!) It's awful. Ultimately, when it's enough, it's enough. You just have to determine when that is. You'll know.

Do you think it might be something going on his own life? Like he could be under pressure in some way. sometimes people get more scattered agent their own stuff is feeling out of control.

Ugh. This is what I'm afraid it is. That I revealed the erotic transference and now he wants to distance himself.

Then you should tell him exactly that. Having something like that hanging over you is terribly unhealthy. It was his choice to reduce the fee. That doesn't mean he gets to reduce the quality of your therapy. So if you feel like that's happening, you should definitely bring that up, because how you are feeling right now sounds very destructive.

If he is distancing himself because you revealed transference, that is punitive and not at all okay. You shouldn't be "punished" for being honest, and he should be able to work with you in order to get through it instead of avoiding it. Transference is a really good opportunity to get some real and important work done in your therapy, and if he is a decent therapist he should recognise that and value it. If he doesn't understand how to work with transference, that is a shame and could potentially do you more harm than good. I would definitely talk to him about that.

Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. He may be just trying to give you space to figure your feelings out. I don't know, it's a tough one. Maybe it's a pure coincidence, or maybe he is going through his own stuff, and can't reply back to any client's emails in a timely fashion. That's the thing about therapists-- we never really know what they are actually thinking. All we can do is make up what we don't know.

I think he must have stuff going on in his own life that's getting in the way of him responding. He never used to go more than a day without responding. Now it's been three days.

Seeing him tomorrow and I will have to say something cause I feel so bad about it. I feel embarrassed that I wrote to him when he's clearly too busy with other things to respond.

UGH. He FINALLY wrote me back this morning--almost four full days later. I have my session with him today. I guess I have to bring it up. That felt TERRIBLE. The response was just a very quick "I hear you" and "we'll talk about it today." I feel dismissed.

I know how you feel, but it's good that he finally responded. Hopefully you guys can discuss some of this today.

He probably didn't want to send a full response because you'll be seeing him today. Definitely bring it up with him.