The Couch 116: Puns Tsar Terrible...

Art, how do your glasses look?

Going to the hairdressers causes me a great deal of anxiety, so I usually don't go. When I do I take valium. My ex-MIL solution to my depression was to always suggest a trip to the hairdresser. At the time I thought she was torturing me, but I realise now my reaction wasn't the same as other peoples.

Trichotillomania? Literally in Greek, hair-pulling madness. (Not that you are mad.). I always thought that would be a good name for a band.

Your hair looks great in the pictures you post of yourself. And it is your hair.

I go to the hairdressers on average about once a year. It plays heavily into my social anxiety. Being forced into the dreaded small talk with a stranger I have nothing in common with is my idea of hell. I had to go last week right before an interview. I got through it but found it tough.

I made a hairdresser cry because I told her to shut up, but my anxiety was so high I couldn't stop myself. It was just a wall of words crashin on my soul.

Yeah that I had a couple bald spots from it.

And thanks! That happened prior to starting with current t, and only got better as we began diving into stuff.... that is what I tell him... it is MY hair!

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So I interviewed this morning with our manager for the new role within my current position, the Communication Specialist thing I mentioned earlier in the week. We'll see what happens! While it's not a new title or a raise or anything, it would get me off the phones, and I'd be doing work I enjoy more than what I do now. Wish me luck! I haven't had a chance to tell t about it yet, since I haven't seen her since before this came about, so will tell her about it tomorrow.

this interests me...does it "count" if it is only one spot that you can't leave alone? I am spoilering this in case it is triggering or gross or too long...etc..

EDIT: i can't figure out how to put it in a clickable thingy so no one has to read it if they don't want to...sorry









a few years ago i randomly decided this spot on my forehead was driving me crazy. i have curly hair, and in this one spot, the hairs grow in crazy directions, so it started as me pulling a few stray crazies to maybe help even it out. This is directly on my forehead too. Then it just evolved with me trying to "fix" it, and had a quarter-sized hole in my effing head because i am an idiot. Luckily, i have other hair to cover it, and somehow i slowly let it grow back in enough where it wasn't a big deal--though the hair was much shorter than the rest.

Probably about 4 or 5 months ago, i was poking around at the area and started pulling the skin away at the bits that hadn't grown in, and found that quite satisfying. That turned into a daily habit, with sometimes the skin underneath just being sort of red and raw the next day, to sometimes me really digging in with the tweezers and needing tissues to stop the bleeding.

THEN about a month ago in the span of 10 minutes, i ruined probably years of hair growth and ripped it all out again I was literally telling myself "Velcro, STOP THIS. DON'T KEEP PULLING." Yet...kept going. So now i think the hole is probably a little bigger, and for the past week or two i've been really trying to let the hair start growing back in, but it is a giant visible hole unless i cover it up. The skin pulling is so satisfying and also i am appalled at myself. Every day I tell myself "Don't do it. You hate yourself for it. You look effing hideous...etc," but then do it...

Anyway---i haven't ever told my T this, because it is so shameful...yet she knows about my cutting. Sigh. I can't believe i spilled it all in here despite this being an anymonyous forum.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who get anxiety at the hair salon! I've had some bad panic attacks there. I think, in a way, I feel trapped--like, if she's halfway through cutting my hair, I can't leave! Or it would be weird if partway through, I was like, "Uh, can I step outside for a second?"

The worst supposedly relaxing/nurturing experience I had was getting a massage my husband got me for my birthday years ago. Partway through, I started having a panic attack, and made up the excuse that I had to use the bathroom. Awkwardly had to put on robe, be shown where bathroom was, then...come back and finish massage. Then I was in serious pain for days afterward, like all my muscles hurt. Haven't been for another massage since (and this was just a regular Swedish massage, not deep tissue or anything).

Hope you get it!

Velcro that's pretty much what happened along the top of my head where my part is. It was pretty awful, I couldn't get my hair cut, there were several places that were just ugly to look at and I'd have to use tissues too. My mom saw it once when she was visiting and she kinda freaked out. I had little ugly ragged craters in my scalp. But all is well now, it healed during my first few months in therapy and has never returned. Thank goodness.

Here's a pic I just took of a couple birds on the wall in my backyard:

Velcro - I am hardly an expert, but it sounds like it could also be a form of body dysmorphia to me - that's more about the appearance of a specific area of the body, usually on the face I think. Might be worth talking about though?

Trigger - [ trigger ] text [ /trigger ]. Just take the spaces I left in out.

Thanks LT! I felt pretty confident in the interview today, and told our manager all the stuff I used to do that qualifies me, and I think it went pretty well.

I am not sure which makes me more anxious - talking to hair dressers or talking to taxi drivers. Both seem to be required.

I don't want to talk to hair dressers - I want them paying attention to what they're doing!!

ugh...yeah, it is hideous.
OH. i kept trying to use [spoiler]....habit from another forum. thanks.

Things that 'normal' people do that I can't do include eye contact, small talk, and eating alone in restaurants. I'm the queen of the drive-thru or pick-up. Only in the last 10 years I'm able to shop alone, and then it's a mad dash to grab what I need and get out.

I have the hair-pulling and scalp gouging thing too, and I once plucked my eyelashes out which was quite bizarre and took them a long time to grow back. I also have skin picking issues.

What can I say, I'm a barrel of fun.

Oh I LOVE my hair guy David! He is like my second therapist! He is super smart and interested in everything, funny and just overall a lovely person. When my wife and u do our wedding reception he has offered to do my rainbow extensions for cost BC he is so happy for us. He married his husband last fall. Our only disagreement is that I refuse to use styling products in my hair it naturally cockscrew curls. Why mess with perfection? He is coming around to.my viewpoint

Once I retire, I plan on having a crewcut.

I'd love to have natural curls. Since menopause my hair has no body or curl at all left to its own devices. It's so flat straight and boring. That's why I curl it now when I never used to.

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"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals..."

The red hat will cover the crew cut, though...ditch it.

I don't like hats. I wear a stocking hat in the winter while walking the dogs but other than that - I am hat free.

The game I wasn't able to watch they won . Seriously though they beat the best team in the league. I'll have to watch it as a a replay.

Will you be offended if I say that even a stopped clock can beat the best team in the league twice a year?

And as a Red Sox fan, may I say: I love knuckleballers.