[Sarmas]

It's been 1 month since I've seen my T. It has been tough. It's not as difficult as the first two or three weeks but I almost gave in and texted her wanting to come back. I do miss going to session but I wasn't getting much from it and I experienced more frustration than anything else. I felt like I didn't matter and she minimized my situations not knowing the details and the extent of my issues. I told her that as well but that didn't matter. I think I'm just ending therapy. I've been seeing her for 4 years and I guess I was crazy to think that after a month she would touch base with me to see if I wanted to schedule for the month. Again that's a business and she also gets defensive. She will treat my therapy break as an issue with myself and that she definitely couldn't have been involved in the reason why I took a break. She has that attitude that she's always right and whenever I explain myself she will tell me that I'm wrong and she gets very defensive. I guess I just have to give this more time and remember what the realistic expectations should've been. I guess I would've done it differently if I had a client for four years. I would have touched base to see if she was coming back or not. Idk

[kecanoe]

Sounds like not the greatest t, but I think it is common for ts to not contact clients when they quit or take a break. It might be seen as pressuring the client to resume therapy

[Sarmas]

Deep down I want to go back but I don't want to go through what I'm going through again. I also know myself. I will be kicking myself For going back later and dealing with the
Phone calls during session and the late starts. Eventually it has to come to an end so Why not now.

It hurts I'm sure. You're right, she wasn't treating you professionally with the late starts and phone calls during session. You deserve better.

[fullsassahead]

I'm sorry you're dealing with some painful emotions right now. Ending with a T, for any reason, is difficult. I think it is even harder when there doesn't seem to be closure...

I am new here so I certainly don't know what your experience was like. However, up thread you mentioned that she took calls during your session and was often late. While I can understand and appreciate occasional lateness due to the unknowns that come with therapy, consistently failing to be on time would cause me to feel as though I was an afterthought. Phone calls during a session...that is extremely unprofessional. My previous T would look at her phone and even answer text messages in session and it was distracting and hurtful. I couldn't imagine her taking a call, though! I did have two instances with my dietitian, though. The first, her phone was buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. Finally, she asked if it was okay for her to look at her phone to make sure there wasn't an emergency. It turned out that it was her husband and he had gotten into a car accident (he was, thankfully, uninjured). The second time, she told me at the start of our session that her young daughter was sick with a very high fever and that her sitter could potentially call if there was an issue. Both times, I understood and appreciated her respect for me. I will say that I have known and worked with this individual for almost 10 years and I know she has a young family. Had she not informed me or asked me, my feelings may have been different. But, I was prepared and these were extenuating circumstances.

All that is to say that if you felt disrespected or as though you were not important, it may be best not to work with that T anymore - especially if this is something that you've brought up in the past. Your T's behavior does sound unprofessional and if you felt it was getting in the way of the work you could do, it sounds as if that relationship has run its course. If you haven't discussed how it makes you feel, that may be somewhere to start IF you want to return with that T. But, if you're so bothered (and, I would be as well), it may be best to consider looking for another therapist.

Maybe consider why you want to go back. Is it attachment? Fear? Uncertainty? The need to work on continued issues? Once you can define the why, it may be easier to decide how to proceed. In the meantime, keep reaching out and asking for support. If nothing else, it may help you make it through each day a little easier...

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by fullsassahead

I'm sorry you're dealing with some painful emotions right now. Ending with a T, for any reason, is difficult. I think it is even harder when there doesn't seem to be closure...

I am new here so I certainly don't know what your experience was like. However, up thread you mentioned that she took calls during your session and was often late. While I can understand and appreciate occasional lateness due to the unknowns that come with therapy, consistently failing to be on time would cause me to feel as though I was an afterthought. Phone calls during a session...that is extremely unprofessional. My previous T would look at her phone and even answer text messages in session and it was distracting and hurtful. I couldn't imagine her taking a call, though! I did have two instances with my dietitian, though. The first, her phone was buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. Finally, she asked if it was okay for her to look at her phone to make sure there wasn't an emergency. It turned out that it was her husband and he had gotten into a car accident (he was, thankfully, uninjured). The second time, she told me at the start of our session that her young daughter was sick with a very high fever and that her sitter could potentially call if there was an issue. Both times, I understood and appreciated her respect for me. I will say that I have known and worked with this individual for almost 10 years and I know she has a young family. Had she not informed me or asked me, my feelings may have been different. But, I was prepared and these were extenuating circumstances.

All that is to say that if you felt disrespected or as though you were not important, it may be best not to work with that T anymore - especially if this is something that you've brought up in the past. Your T's behavior does sound unprofessional and if you felt it was getting in the way of the work you could do, it sounds as if that relationship has run its course. If you haven't discussed how it makes you feel, that may be somewhere to start IF you want to return with that T. But, if you're so bothered (and, I would be as well), it may be best to consider looking for another therapist.

Maybe consider why you want to go back. Is it attachment? Fear? Uncertainty? The need to work on continued issues? Once you can define the why, it may be easier to decide how to proceed. In the meantime, keep reaching out and asking for support. If nothing else, it may help you make it through each day a little easier...

I have precious threads where I went into greater detail. What you say makes so much sense. I guess I didn't have closure for two reason. I didn't want closure because I didn't want to end my sessions. I have so much more to address than when I initially started. The second reason was because I hate closure and a closure to me felt like a closed chapter. I left it so that if I want to go back then I made it easier on myself. The phone was definitely an issue. She also has two small children which is totally understable but there were certain situations which I knew was something that could've been left for a different time. I never spoke to her about the phone issue because I let her be who she wants to be and I was able to see how much effort she was placing. It was as if I was just another number. i couldn't totally open up to her because I didn't want to be judged and then I started to open up a little and I noticed small changes that I was not so happy with. It was uncomfortable.