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  #1  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:13 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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My T has a lot of cancer on both sides of her family; her parents and other close relatives died of it. One kind has a very bad prognosis. She is healthy now but it suddenly occurred to me that her family history is scary. I know she had genetic testing because I did too, but she didn't want to talk about her so much, of course. She's a lot younger than I am, but that's irrelevant because she's over 50.

I know worrying about T's health serves no positive purpose. What will be, will be. It popped into my mind when I read someone's obituary today.
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  #2  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:18 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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No I don't. The two I see are both 70 to 70+. It is not unlikely that they may die or retire but I don't worry about it. I am not much of a worrier about my health or the health of others in general (and my bff/ex has advanced stage cancer and lives with me for the most part) and not at all about someone I consider to be a stranger and not in my real life.
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  #3  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:19 AM
Anonymous35014
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My T has diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, he smokes, he eats fast food all the time, and he's at least 150 lbs overweight... at the tender age of 32.

I don't "worry" too much about it, but I do find it sad that he has chosen this path for himself.

I think it's normal to worry about other people, regardless if they're your T.
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  #4  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:21 AM
Anonymous50005
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Rainbow, as someone from a family with such a strong history of cancer that our family literally has been part of research studies, I can tell you that most of us living in families with strong familial cancer tendencies do not spend our lives worrying about cancer. We are aware and get the needed check-ups and testing, and we lead as healthy lives as we can, but beyond that, what good does it do to worry about it? We know that if and when it comes, it will come and there really is nothing we can do but deal with it in the moment.

You've seemed a bit preoccupied with cancer and medical issues since your husband's illness and death which is understandable to a point, but do try not to let it become a focus in your life. All anyone can do is lead their life and deal with what it throws at them when it happens. Worrying about what might happen or might never even happen is just anxiety-making.
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  #5  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:24 AM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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No - I am not sure what the point would be. It won't help either the therapist or the client.

If a disease were actually present - mostly I would want to know if it meant they couldn't do their job.
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  #6  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:26 AM
Anonymous47147
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i worry a lot about her health even though she is in good health.
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  #7  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:31 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
No I don't. The two I see are both 70 to 70+. It is not unlike that they will die or retire but I don't worry about it. I am not much of a worrier about health in general (and my bff/ex has end stage cancer and lives with me for the most part) and not at all about someone I consider to be a stranger and not in my real life.
I am sorry about your bff/ex. That sounds like a difficult situation. I know it has come up in your previous posts when I was discussing my H.

The thing is: unlike you, I don't consider my T a stranger. I think of her like family or a very close friend. I care about her as a person who has her own family, of course. I would hate to see her life cut short for any reason!
  #8  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:34 AM
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Ellahmae Ellahmae is offline
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I worry about T's health a lot. She's in good health but still has problems - genetically so to speak. She's not at high risk for anything but I still worry. What happens if she's just gone one day? I want to ask her about this and have her leave me a letter or something if she does. Then again, I worry about everything, always.
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  #9  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:37 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8 View Post
I am sorry about your bff/ex. That sounds like a difficult situation. I know it has come up in your previous posts when I was discussing my H.

The thing is: unlike you, I don't consider my T a stranger. I think of her like family or a very close friend. I care about her as a person who has her own family, of course. I would hate to see her life cut short for any reason!
I don't worry about the health of people I know and like or love. I am just not much of a worrier about health - I am not a huge worrier in general. I believe death is going to happen to everyone - worrying about it isn't going to change anything and I don't believe death is the worst that can happen. Instead of worrying - I would probably plan for it - so if I was worried about the therapist dying - I would have back up therapists in reserve.
I am not happy if someone dies, just that I don't spend time on it, particularly where I have no reason to believe it is imminent.
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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
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Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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rainbow8
  #10  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:44 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
I don't worry about the health of people I know and like or love. I am just not much of a worrier about health - I am not a huge worrier in general. I believe death is going to happen to everyone - worrying about it isn't going to change anything and I don't believe death is the worst that can happen. Instead of worrying - I would probably plan for it - so if I was worried about the therapist dying - I would have back up therapists in reserve.
I am not happy if someone dies, just that I don't spend time on it, particularly where I have no reason to believe it is imminent.
I have always been a worrier, just like my Mom was. I wish I were more like you, stopdog. I am doing better, though. I assume most people will walk off airplanes. Driving with other people is more scary! I usually don't think about my T dying, or worry about death all the time.

If my T would die, I wouldn't see anyone else for therapy. I can't replace her, and wouldn't want to.
  #11  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 09:46 AM
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I worry about my pdoc. I know that her mom had Alzheimer's, and that she used to be a heavy smoker.

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  #12  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 10:00 AM
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AllHeart AllHeart is offline
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My t is in her late 60's and I do worry about her health, both mental and physical, to some degree. I believe thoughts are energy so when I find myself worrying about this stuff I try to tell myself the opposite - that t is healthy on all levels - because I do not want my negative energy to be a contributor to any sort of illness. Nor do I want do be plagued with the grief the worrisome thoughts bring me of course. But mostly, I do not want to manifest illness upon her, or anyone for that matter.
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  #13  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 11:53 AM
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junkDNA junkDNA is offline
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my T is very healthy. i worry more about him dying in some freak accident
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  #14  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 12:32 PM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluebicycle View Post
My T has diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, he smokes, he eats fast food all the time, and he's at least 150 lbs overweight... at the tender age of 32.

I don't "worry" too much about it, but I do find it sad that he has chosen this path for himself.

I think it's normal to worry about other people, regardless if they're your T.
Thanks. I worry more than most people but I'm trying to control it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace View Post
Rainbow, as someone from a family with such a strong history of cancer that our family literally has been part of research studies, I can tell you that most of us living in families with strong familial cancer tendencies do not spend our lives worrying about cancer. We are aware and get the needed check-ups and testing, and we lead as healthy lives as we can, but beyond that, what good does it do to worry about it? We know that if and when it comes, it will come and there really is nothing we can do but deal with it in the moment.

You've seemed a bit preoccupied with cancer and medical issues since your husband's illness and death which is understandable to a point, but do try not to let it become a focus in your life. All anyone can do is lead their life and deal with what it throws at them when it happens. Worrying about what might happen or might never even happen is just anxiety-making.
Thank you. I know it doesn't do any good to worry but I do it anyway. I have to decide what to do about my own health risk, but I'm less worried about myself than about my T. I've recently had new genetic testing and am negative, but surgery is still recommended by some. I'm not worried, just checking it out and am indecisive so far. So preoccupation with cancer has come up for a reason lately, not just because of my husband.

Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
No - I am not sure what the point would be. It won't help either the therapist or the client.

If a disease were actually present - mostly I would want to know if it meant they couldn't do their job.
Worriers know what I mean! Of course it won't help but we do it anyway!

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Originally Posted by Starry_Night View Post
i worry a lot about her health even though she is in good health.
Thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellahmae View Post
I worry about T's health a lot. She's in good health but still has problems - genetically so to speak. She's not at high risk for anything but I still worry. What happens if she's just gone one day? I want to ask her about this and have her leave me a letter or something if she does. Then again, I worry about everything, always.
Yeah. Me too. Well, anyone can be gone one day but we can't live with that thought or we wouldn't be able to function. We have to do the best we can, and live every day!

Quote:
Originally Posted by clairelisbeth View Post
I worry about my pdoc. I know that her mom had Alzheimer's, and that she used to be a heavy smoker.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AllHeart View Post
My t is in her late 60's and I do worry about her health, both mental and physical, to some degree. I believe thoughts are energy so when I find myself worrying about this stuff I try to tell myself the opposite - that t is healthy on all levels - because I do not want my negative energy to be a contributor to any sort of illness. Nor do I want do be plagued with the grief the worrisome thoughts bring me of course. But mostly, I do not want to manifest illness upon her, or anyone for that matter.
I will have to work on that, think the opposite. It's hard to do!

Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
my T is very healthy. i worry more about him dying in some freak accident
I worry about my family in cars and planes, especially with people talking on cell phones while driving!!
  #15  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 02:13 PM
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coolibrarian coolibrarian is offline
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I worry about it from time to time, especially when my own health is bad. I always worry that she won't be able to take care of me.
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  #16  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 02:17 PM
Anonymous37892
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I do, my therapist is like 70 and I told him I'm scared he will have a heart attack or something WHILE I'm in session. My parents are both in their mid to late 60s so I'm really worried about losing all of my "authority" figures...lots of celebrities have been dying lately around their age, so I think it's fair to be worried.
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  #17  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 05:34 PM
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Cinnamon_Stick Cinnamon_Stick is offline
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The T I ended with has something that is rare and serious if not for her treatments. I have always worried about her and still do. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I try to tell myself that she has treatments and she takes care of herself and is healthy overall. I think its normal to worry about someone you really care about.
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  #18  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 05:37 PM
Anonymous37844
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I do but only lately. We spent nearly a whole session talking abut what would happen if he died.
I wanted to know if he had a plan in place in the unlikely event, all I got was "I hope someone would let you know" I still want to talk more about this.

Last edited by Anonymous37844; Jun 08, 2016 at 05:51 PM.
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  #19  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 06:28 PM
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nottrustin nottrustin is offline
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I do. Starting a couple of years ago, she was missing work because of a new illness. She decided she wanted to honest with her clients. What she has is treatable but it can have flareups. She knows that I worry so she makes sure when she is out due to illness to let me know but to tell me if there were med changes, etc. She also lets me some of the lifestyle changes she has made. She has missed a lot less sessions since the changes. So knowing on this I worry a less.
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  #20  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 07:39 PM
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velcro003 velcro003 is offline
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no because she is pretty young and seemingly healthy.
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  #21  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 07:40 PM
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MobiusPsyche MobiusPsyche is offline
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My t is healthier than me by a long shot, so no I don't worry about her health.
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  #22  
Old Jun 08, 2016, 11:57 PM
Luce Luce is offline
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I worry a little bit, but at the same time I know illness and death is a part of life and there ain't anything anyone can do about.
I only have email contact with my ex t, and sometimes not for years at a time.
One day I know there will be no reply. It probably won't be for a long time yet.
But yeah. Sh&t happens.
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  #23  
Old Jun 09, 2016, 12:08 AM
Pennster Pennster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lolagrace View Post
Rainbow, as someone from a family with such a strong history of cancer that our family literally has been part of research studies, I can tell you that most of us living in families with strong familial cancer tendencies do not spend our lives worrying about cancer. We are aware and get the needed check-ups and testing, and we lead as healthy lives as we can, but beyond that, what good does it do to worry about it? We know that if and when it comes, it will come and there really is nothing we can do but deal with it in the moment.
I think this is an interesting perspective and you have a good attitude, but I feel the opposite - I lost a parent young and lost several relatives to cancer and it has left me with some pretty strong anxiety issues about illness and death. I understand this is quite common for those of us who suffered early parental loss.

I have worried very much about my therapist dying suddenly, though he is barely middle-aged and in apparently healthy shape. I am getting better about it, partly because I made him come up with a plan for me in case he does shuffle off early, and also because I have spent a long time in therapy dealing with the aftereffects of several traumatic losses.
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  #24  
Old Jun 09, 2016, 12:14 AM
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dj315 dj315 is offline
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I absolutely do. But worrying is my specialty. My T had cancer surgery a few months ago and cancelled one of our sessions back in Novemberish for a "medical procedure" before he broke the news that he had been diagnosed. I knew something was up from the way he was all vague about it and I just had a gut feeling, so when he said the words "I have cancer" (even though a very easily treatable cancer) my anxiety brain had a field day for a few weeks. Especially when my grandfather died not long after that. I never discussed it with him though because he was the one actually diagnosed with cancer and it didn't really feel appropriate to make any of it about my fears.

He's fine now (I assume) but I still got a little anxious last week when he mentioned a doctor's appointment. But this is what I do--I think of worst-case scenarios about losing people when I let myself care about them. When I was little I would sometimes cry myself to sleep at night thinking about the thought of losing my mom...So this is a familiar feeling.
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  #25  
Old Jun 09, 2016, 03:41 AM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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As far as I can tell, my T is in good health. I know she eats healthy. And she's now been drinking some sort of green concoction. Her hip bothered her one day. Probably has something to do with her short stature. She said it's happened before. But no, in general I don't worry about my T.
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