[Inner_Firefly]

My parents will be attending a workshop given by T this weekend (workshop about empathy), so they will bump into one another.

Is it's OK to ask T a favor: that if the opportunity comes up for conversation, to tell my parents to stop doubting my life decisions, and to support and believe in me.

(My parents know I'm seeing T, they're the ones who gave me T's phone number in the first place.)

I know it's my responsibility to stand up to my parents, but still it may help if T could add a voice to support my path in life.

[Argonautomobile]

I think you should definitely talk to your T about your desire to have her do this. There's nothing wrong with wanting it. It's hard to be assertive in general--and especially with someone like your parents. I've had the passing fantasy that my T might do something similar. There may even be a family session in your future--scary, I know, but it could be really good to have the opportunity to hash this out with a supportive moderator (your T) around.

I don't know, however, that it would be appropriate for your T to initiate this conversation during a workshop. I think her focus will need to be elsewhere.

Good luck with everything, Firefly!

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I think you should definitely talk to your T about your desire to have her do this. There's nothing wrong with wanting it. It's hard to be assertive in general--and especially with someone like your parents. I've had the passing fantasy that my T might do something similar. There may even be a family session in your future--scary, I know, but it could be really good to have the opportunity to hash this out with a supportive moderator (your T) around.

I don't know, however, that it would be appropriate for your T to initiate this conversation during a workshop. I think her focus will need to be elsewhere.

Good luck with everything, Firefly!

Thank you Argo I appreciate your support and help!

It's nice to see you here, hope you're well!

Thank you for understanding! It's nice to hear your gentle voice when I'm drowning in anxiety, and reassuring to hear you've had a similar fantasy.

Totally scary to imagine a family session, have you ever had one? What if T got charmed by your people and take their side...

Anyway, so thankful for your feedback.

No, I won't expect T to initiate anything...just meant if my mom started rambling about me, I'd love for T to say some wise insight thing that helps them to leave me alone.

[Waterbear]

I can also understand that desire. At the moment I cannot ever imagine a day where I can speak to my Dad about the past. I think that I will ask one day (way in the future) if my T will let my Dad come to a session so I am in a safe space with a safe person while I start trying yo talk to him. I don't know, I really don't.

Do you think something like that could work for you? I agree with the above that it would be OK to talk about your desire but I don't think she will be OK with speaking to them, I don't know though. I feel for you.

[guilloche]

I agree with the others... it's completely OK to want this, and to talk to your T about this, but she may not be able to give it to you.

I think it might be awkward during the workshop for her to pull your parents aside, even if they know that she's your T, and talk to them about you. It might also risk your confidentiality, since she might be overheard by others.

And if your parents are paying to attend, it could put everyone in a weird role (technically, they're "customers" and they're there for workshop information... having your T break that role to advise them about you could be weird, and make them feel like she didn't do a good job as the workshop leader).

Hopefully your T can help you brainstorm or role play how you can tell them yourself, or determine if it would be necessary/helpful to have a session where they attend for part of it, so that you and her can talk to them, together. That way your T would be there to support you, and help diffuse any arguments that come from them!

Good luck!

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

My parents will be attending a workshop given by T this weekend (workshop about empathy), so they will bump into one another.

Is it's OK to ask T a favor: that if the opportunity comes up for conversation, to tell my parents to stop doubting my life decisions, and to support and believe in me.

(My parents know I'm seeing T, they're the ones who gave me T's phone number in the first place.)

I know it's my responsibility to stand up to my parents, but still it may help if T could add a voice to support my path in life.

You could sure voice your wish, which might be helpful just to say aloud, but just be prepared that this sort of interaction outside the therapy room is not likely to happen. Also, as argo said, your therapist is going to be focused on her presenter role.

I have taken my mom to therapy. I warned my therapist that my mom is very likeable. The goal was to get my mom on board with a particular action to take to protect me against actions by other family members. I, of course, did all the work of bringing it up and making the request (several times), but my therapist--seeing that nothing was sticking--gently tried to take up my cause. It was not a complicated request, but my mom did not want to hurt another family member's feelings, instead choosing actions that placed me in the line of fire.

None of it did any good. The requests did not even register. My mom was very pleasant and (as I expected) somewhat charming, but it was like I said X and she heard Green. A couple months later, my therapist referred to that session and said my mother didn't have a maternal bone in her body. So, in that way, it was worth having taken a parent.

I share this as an example of having a therapist see other family members. She did not initiate anything on my behalf, but once I tried on my own and repeatedly failed, she tried to reinforce what I was saying. In the end, it was helpful to have my therapist see for herself what I was up against, and that I was not making things up.

[Chummy2]

I don't think it would be appropriate for your T to do that during that workshop. Like others have said, a family session would be a better idea. My T has once said that we could have a session with my parents (or one of them) to explain what we do in therapy. I once had a session with my mom to talk about something I found to hard to to on my own. So you could ask your T if it's possible to have one session with you and your parents and you can prepare that session with your T.

[Argonautomobile]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

Thank you Argo I appreciate your support and help!

It's nice to see you here, hope you're well!

Thank you for understanding! It's nice to hear your gentle voice when I'm drowning in anxiety, and reassuring to hear you've had a similar fantasy.

Totally scary to imagine a family session, have you ever had one? What if T got charmed by your people and take their side...

Anyway, so thankful for your feedback.

No, I won't expect T to initiate anything...just meant if my mom started rambling about me, I'd love for T to say some wise insight thing that helps them to leave me alone.

Good to hear from you, too : I'm doing pretty well

I've never had a family session, but there have definitely been times I thought a lot about it. I find talking to my T about issues I might be having with people very helpful. Have you talked before about how your parents can seem unsupportive? What does she say about it?