[SarahSweden]

There´s a lot written about erotic transference and being attracted to your therapist but that´s not what I think of here. I´m not at all attracted to my T but sometimes I though find myself thinking of or just being curious about her sexual habits.

It´s not that I think of this during sessions but as I know a little about her, she has told me some things about her personal background and it´s partly similar to mine, I sometimes just wonder about more of sexual stuff. I don´t fantasize about her, it´s not on that level, just more of curiosity I guess. Often others sex live isn´t that exciting that you perhaps think but I though think of it sometimes. Of course, I would never ask her about this.

Someone else who experiences this?

[rainbow8]

TBH, yes I have. When my T was married I sometimes wondered because we talked about sex quite a bit in my sessions. After she got divorced, when she told me she had a boyfriend, I wondered again. Last year when she went on an exotic vacation with him, I actually told her I couldn't stand thinking about her having sex with him. A lot is jealousy that her sex life was and is better than mine. I don't like to think about it so much, though. It's kind of like thinking about your parents doing it. I'd rather not go there.

[SarahSweden]

It sounds your T is sharing quite a lot of her personal stuff, just a reflection, nothing negative about it. With her telling you those things she must understand you think about her in sexual terms? If my T told me she´d got a new boyfriend I would probably be a bit jealous as well and in a way I also would think it was uncomfortable knowing that. Perhaps I get these thoughts about T:s sexual habits more when they live a life that´s a bit similar to mine, living on their own and such.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

TBH, yes I have. When my T was married I sometimes wondered because we talked about sex quite a bit in my sessions. After she got divorced, when she told me she had a boyfriend, I wondered again. Last year when she went on an exotic vacation with him, I actually told her I couldn't stand thinking about her having sex with him. A lot is jealousy that her sex life was and is better than mine. I don't like to think about it so much, though. It's kind of like thinking about your parents doing it. I'd rather not go there.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

It sounds your T is sharing quite a lot of her personal stuff, just a reflection, nothing negative about it. With her telling you those things she must understand you think about her in sexual terms? If my T told me she´d got a new boyfriend I would probably be a bit jealous as well and in a way I also would think it was uncomfortable knowing that. Perhaps I get these thoughts about T:s sexual habits more when they live a life that´s a bit similar to mine, living on their own and such.

Just to clarify. My T didn't come right out and disclose the information. I guessed about her divorce and she confirmed it. When we talked about my husband and me, and if I could ever find another partner after he died, she told me. It fit logically into the conversation. I hate when she travels, and I ask where she's going. I asked if she's going with HIM, and she answered me honesty. She wouldn't tell me anything about her sex life of course. I assumed it's a fact.

Does it bother you to think about your T in that way?

[iheartjacques]

I don't want to know about his sexual habits! Might be a let down for me!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't want to know. She has a daughter, so I know she has sex. That's more than I ever want to know. Well...tbh...I'd ask one question, but that would just be to find out if I'm "normal".

[ilikecats]

I wonder about my T's sex life. I know she's had sex because she has a son, but she's divorced now and I wonder if she still has sex with anyone.

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[RedSun]

Not sexual now so much, but I definitely wonder about her relationship status. I think she is back in relationship....I would assume she's having sex if she is!

[Coco3]

Yes I think about it sometimes. Not because I'm attracted to him, neither do I have ET. I think it's just curiousity, since I only know some things about my T. I also think about what he's like at home or what he likes to eat. I think it's normal that you want to know more about someone, especially when you tell that person a lot about yourself, like in therapy.

[SarahSweden]

Yes, I understand, my T also shared bits about herself in a context. I think it was nice of her sharing this when you told her about your husband, for me personally struggles can feel a little easier to handle when you here about another persons struggles.

I know my T is single and she also said she´s fine with that and I just assume she isn´t looking for a partner. But of course, as for everyone else, things like falling in love can happen when you don´t expect it. If I got to know the she´d found someone, like she was dating and such and also travelling with a new partner I would have had a hard time to process and relate to that. Of course that´s much because of me and that I´ve become used to seeing her as a single woman.

Did your T ever ask you if you think sexual thoughts about her?

No, I wouldn´t say this bother me, that I sometimes wonder about her sex life, what she´s done and not. It´s not something that disturbs therapy, a lot of it is curiosity and partly because my T already shared some stuff about herself even of course not about intimate or sexual relations.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Just to clarify. My T didn't come right out and disclose the information. I guessed about her divorce and she confirmed it. When we talked about my husband and me, and if I could ever find another partner after he died, she told me. It fit logically into the conversation. I hate when she travels, and I ask where she's going. I asked if she's going with HIM, and she answered me honesty. She wouldn't tell me anything about her sex life of course. I assumed it's a fact.

Does it bother you to think about your T in that way?

Can't say I have, but I don't tend to think about other people's sexual habits. Not my business, concern, or interest.

[SarahSweden]

Yes, that´s then similar to my thoughts, you know a person/T is living by her/himself and you by that have thoughts about if they see anyone just casual and so on.

Originally Posted by ilikecats

I wonder about my T's sex life. I know she's had sex because she has a son, but she's divorced now and I wonder if she still has sex with anyone.

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[SarahSweden]

Sometimes I can be a bit ashamed by thinking of it even if I´m not attracted to my T or use the thoughts in fantasies. It feel a bit like "intruding" even if my thoughts of course aren´t harming my T. I think most T:s from time to time think about their clients sex lives when a client has mentioned something about it even if T:s don´t think solely about one single client as a client thinks about only one T.

Originally Posted by Coco3

Yes I think about it sometimes. Not because I'm attracted to him, neither do I have ET. I think it's just curiousity, since I only know some things about my T. I also think about what he's like at home or what he likes to eat. I think it's normal that you want to know more about someone, especially when you tell that person a lot about yourself, like in therapy.

[Chummy2]

I have thought about other T's sex life. She's only a few years older and she has a boyfriend. It's curiousity and I also wonder how different it is from mine. Also, she left me because she was pregnant again, so every time I saw her big belly in session, it just tells you she had sex. And she had told me how long she was, so you could do the math around what time she had sex that made her pregnant.
But I wonder about a lot of my T. If I could, I would want to know almost everything about her.

I haven't really thought about current T's sex life. But in last session she said ''you can ask me anything except about the amount of time I've sex and my pincode''. That made me giggle. And also made me curious about how many times she has sex. I know she has a boyfriend and a son.

[BayBrony]

No
Not at all
I'd rather not think about it.
But in general I don't think about anyone's sex life but my own

[bookgirl667]

No, other than the fact that I know he's gay (because he told me) and is married (wedding ring).

[SarahSweden]

I think it´s quite strong to be able to see a T who´s pregnant and also know she´ll inevitably will be leaving in some months, I hadn´t been able to be in such a situation with a T. Hypothetically though I would as you think about the T:s sex life when constantly reminded of it when seeing her being pregnant.

That sounds generous of your new T, to be allowed to ask a wide range of questions and as you, when such a subject is brought up by T herself, I would also get similar thoughts like "well, how often does she have sex then". Of course nothing I would ask about but the question had come to mind.

Originally Posted by Chummy2

I have thought about other T's sex life. She's only a few years older and she has a boyfriend. It's curiousity and I also wonder how different it is from mine. Also, she left me because she was pregnant again, so every time I saw her big belly in session, it just tells you she had sex. And she had told me how long she was, so you could do the math around what time she had sex that made her pregnant.
But I wonder about a lot of my T. If I could, I would want to know almost everything about her.

I haven't really thought about current T's sex life. But in last session she said ''you can ask me anything except about the amount of time I've sex and my pincode''. That made me giggle. And also made me curious about how many times she has sex. I know she has a boyfriend and a son.

[runlola72]

Yeah, occasionally. I've had waxing and waning ET with T, but mostly it's paternal transference. Still, it crosses my mind from time to time, like I wonder if he sleeps in the nude. He said something once, when I was referring to my ex, and commented that you always feel closer to someone when you are sleeping with them. He said "At least for the first year or so...." and it made me wonder about his romantic life. He's on his second marriage but I have no clue how long he's been married. I hope he's happy (even though I'm mad at him right now)

I have, but it's something I tend to think about pretty much anyone I find interesting (not necessarily in a sexual way primarily). For me this is just curiosity, like I can be curious about anything. But for my current T, I do have some erotic transference to him and that brings it up in my mind more than with someone I don't find attractive that way. It's not obsessive though. I don't know anything about his sexual habits though so it's all just imagination.

[thesnowqueen]

Yes, strong ET so I think it's inevitable. In general T also used to confirm the fact that ones thoughts about another person do not intrude on that person so long as they are thoughts. He also once mentioned that fantasising about someone will make ones relationship with that person charged so if one is already struggling with an obsession, its worth keeping that in mind.

[Myrto]

I usually don't think about other people's sex lives because it doesn't even cross my mind. I'm single but I don't particularly miss being in a relationship so other people's sex lives are just of no interest to me. Having said that, when it comes to my therapist every single piece of information about her is fascinating to me so of course, her sex life is something I think about occasionally. It makes me uncomfortable to be honest because I have maternal transference and imagining your parents doing it is just yuck.

[annielovesbacon]

I'm kind of just curious about everyone's sex life. I don't think about it obsessively but I just wonder -- especially about role model figures in my life (like a T or a teacher)