[Onyx999]

Hey all,

I post sporadically here when my life is really kind of confusing. It is right now. If anyone gives a flip, they can check out my past posts on my relationship with my mother. It was complicated, to be sure. She was depressed and untreated and extremely narcissistic. It wasn't easy being her daughter.

Well, she went into the hospital in December due to a massive stroke. She had had small ones before over the years. She died in March in NOVA, a place she certainly did not want to spend her last days. I got to see her just before she died. I made peace with her. It has been very difficult. I began my therapeutic journey 3 yrs ago in NOVA to address all these mommy issues. When I moved to TX, I immediately got a new therapist to continue to work on this stuff.

I seem to keep having setbacks in life. I'll go 1 step forward, 2 steps back. My current therapist has been helping me for a solid two years. I took some time off from a group I go to weekly, and my therapist. I was just tired. I didn't want to continue to examine my feelings, so I decided to take a break.

So here's the meat of the whole thing; I want to tell my therapist -who I see as a kind of maternal figure- that I love her. I don't know why I want to do this, but I do. It just popped into my head the other day. And it's true. She's been there for me for a long time. I've never stuck with therapy consistently before these past few years. I've grown a lot under the current counselor and with the last one in VA. The one in VA did the initial breaking through of my defenses.

I've never told a therapist about my feelings for them outside of expressing gratitude for their hard work and patience. Does anyone have any insight into why I have this urge now? And, is this even appropriate? She already knows that I view her as a mother figure -if my momma had been white and a ginger! ha ha ha

So thoughts on this would be appreciated.

[Out There]

Hugs. I hope you will talk to your T about this. I had a mother quite similar , and did make peace with her before she died. But , the feelings remain of what we didn't get , and now we know we will never get them. If your T is already aware that you see her as a mother figure these feelings may not surprise her. I remember after I lost my mother my T said some difficult feelings may come up. Wish you well.

[2or3things]

I'm not sure I have an answer, but one day after six years with my current therapist, I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to tell her that I loved her. It never even occurred to me before that moment, but when I happened, I just had to do it.

It wasn't at all immature or fleeting. (I don't know why, but I feel like I need to say that.) I'd had a mom similar to yours growing up, and for me it wasn't only that I felt she didn't love me but--what I realized when I realized I loved my T--was that my actual mom never made it OK to love her.

It was hard, really hard, telling T that I loved her. Given my past, I was extremely afraid she'd find me repulsive or not accept my love or something. But it was the most healing thing to be able to tell her and to have her react positively.

Anyway, I don't know if it's at all the same for you, but maybe the need to tell your T has something to do with unfulfilled love in your relationship with your mother?

[Onyx999]

these are some really great responses guys. And it helps to know I'm not alone. Although, logically theres no way I could be the only one with this situation. But you know what I mean. I'm still on a break from my therapist. I will probably start back in two weeks or so.

I really appreciate the support.