[atisketatasket]

Straightforward question. Only four possible answers, and you can only pick one, no other option (I would rank if polls could do that). I'm sure there are qualities I missed, and your ideal therapist might have more than one of them, but I think these four cover a pretty broad spectrum. So which do you want MOST?

Me: emotional/mental stability.

[TrailRunner14]

Truth. Honesty. Presence. Safety.

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[Ididitmyway]

Flexibility/adaptiveness/sensitivity to individual needs

[TrailRunner14]

I think I didn't answer the question correctly. Those things are all combined as one in my mind.

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[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Truth. Honesty. Presence. Safety.

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I probably should have included trustworthiness and honesty. Safety and presence I tend to think of more as an atmosphere the therapist creates (not to say it's fake, but it's more like part of the relationship).

[stopdog]

None of those really. Staying back is what I value. I look for ones who are not warm, kind or loving in any way. Their emotional situation is not my problem at all. I suppose flexibility is something I rather expect. I could not work with a complete idiot, but I haven't found many with what I would describe as intellectual acumen that was relevant to therapy.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I think I didn't answer the question correctly. Those things are all combined as one in my mind.

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It's an informal internet poll. No right or wrong answers here!

I really picked these four because they seem to come up a lot around here.

[growlycat]

I picked warmth and kindness but if emotional stability were missing they would cancel each other out.

[Argonautomobile]

Emotional/mental stability. I value kindness, adaptability, and intelligence in other people, certainly, but if you can't keep your **** together, I don't want you as my therapist.

[ejayy78]

All of the above lol. But i chose flexibility, adaptiveness, etc. because I felt it encompassed the first option as well. Of course i want my t to be intellectual and stable, but I feel that I don't mesh well with people who aren't intellectual to some degree and i can spot a mentally/emotionally unstable person a mile away so I wouldn't dare continue with a t who showed those signs. I feel that a t who is flexible and adaptive to clients needs can be sensitive and caring if a client expresses (verbally or not) that that's something they need from a therapist, or the complete opposite if the client expresses the need for no closeness on any level and a strict professional relationship.

[AllHeart]

Hard to pick just one! I went with emotional/mental stability. I love my t dearly but she has some pretty serious emotional and mental instabilities. It affects me in many ways. So I think I would value the stability most.

[Out There]

I've gone for flexibility / adaptiveness. He's been very good about me working with other people , and using other techniques. I'd like to choose all the options really - but also honesty and knowing his own limitations are among his ( many ) qualities.

I voted for Flexibility/adaptiveness/sensitivity to individual needs.

My T tries to be flexible within the hospital's rigid rules, which I appreciate.

I feel emotional and mental stability should be an existing prerequisite for a T to ethically practice.

Counselors, social workers and psychologists have ethical codes to follow, and if I'm not mistaken, practitioners are encouraged not to practice if not mentally or emotionally well.

I do feel that the biz doesn't make it easy and "no one watches the T's stability" though.

[RedSun]

Intellectual acumen.
I wouldn't see someone less qualified than me. I need them to be the grown up!

So tough making us choose one! I chose emotional stability because I know T1 hurt me because that is something he lacked. I chose current T primarily due to his stability (I didn't find him particularly warm at first).
My other response (which I'm slightly ashamed of for some reason) is intellectual acumen. I need a therapist who is highly intelligent. One of my reasons for discounting the supervisor I recently saw was that she didn't seem particularly intelligent. I guess I feel like I don't want to come across as an intellectual snob, but I need somebody with an inquiring mind who can quickly understand philosophical concepts. It's not something I need in other relationships, but in a therapist definitely.

[unaluna]

Sorry I am never again settling for less than I have now which is all four.

[bookgirl667]

At this point, surprisingly, it would be intellectual acumen. I've had a few counselors who weren't as smart as I am (yes, I know that sounds horrid, but not everyone with a master's degree is necessarily super-intelligent). I want my tdoc to be AT LEAST AS intelligent as I am or s/he can't be of much help.

[brillskep]

I can't work well with a therapist who lacks any of these.

[awkwardlyyours]

If we are defining 'emotional / mental stability' as anything more than just not being cuckoo, then that would be it for me.

I define it as a T not being reactive and somehow being able to hold / contain anything I express (barring any form of abusive stuff, of course).

It bothers me no end that I just don't have a consistent, unshakeable sense that current one has such stability.

[bookgirl667]

I find the emotional stability thing interesting. I prefer my tdocs to have been in therapy at some point themselves. Not that I want a basket case treating me, but I want someone who understands what therapy is and isn't about, how it should work, what kind of boundaries should be in place, etc. The tdocs I've had who haven't been in therapy were either CBT-oriented (which is just not my personal cup of tea) or engaged in very inappropriate self-disclosure, talked about themselves for most of the session, etc. or just said crap like, "That must have been difficult for you."

[Ellahmae]

I chose intellectual acumen. I feel that my T is ridiculously intelligent and has so much knowledge concerning psychology and counseling that this covers all of the other answers. She learns well and is able to transition our therapy to best serve me because she understands and "sees". Because of her intellect she is warm and loving (one, because that's who she is - but two, because it's also what I need and we click on a very raw level). As she can quickly learn and adhere that to something she has studied or has experience with she is very much flexible, adaptive, and sensitive to my distinct and individual needs. She is very stable emotionally and mentally because she knows she needs to be due to her intelligence. So for me, my T's intellectual acumen is the most important because it covers everything else.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

If we are defining 'emotional / mental stability' as anything more than just not being cuckoo, then that would be it for me.

I define it as a T not being reactive and somehow being able to hold / contain anything I express (barring any form of abusive stuff, of course).

It bothers me no end that I just don't have a consistent, unshakeable sense that current one has such stability.

I define it as you do: not the absence of instability but the ability to remain calm and keep their heads. No. 1 did not have that kind of stability. 2 and 3 do, in different degrees.

[bounceback]

Emotional and mental stability. The other things are important to me also but I don't want to be counseled by a whack job and end up more messed up than what brought me in.

[ruh roh]

Of those four, I went with flexibility, etc., but only because I don't think there is such as thing as a mentally stable therapist. I just aim for one that's aware of their instability triggers and avoid ones that seem emotionally rock solid (not that I have found any).

I think flexibility/adaptiveness/sensitivity come with the kind of intelligence I look for and also reflects just enough kindness to feel authentic without being gooey.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Emotional and mental stability. They need to have there **** together. I know this was not on the list but another huge one for me is consistency.