so done

I am so done with life and not being important. Last weekend I was in a really bad place and contacted t she was busy and said she would get back to me. Last week when I had a session work t she never said a word about it. I was hurt and angry but never said a word. I told her a at the session I would be out of state this week fire a few days but would be home today but not sure what time. She said to email her. The next day I told her I would probably be home in time but I want sure. I offered to cancel if she wanted to. She told me not to cancel and I could contact her today if I would be late and needed to cancel. After finding out I would leave for home later than originally planned I contacted her again. I told her I hoped to be home in time but was concearned. Again she said not to worry and gave me the latest she could see me as I am her last appointment. Them I received an email asking if I could come in for a certain time later this week as she had to see another client in the hospital. I reminded her I work at that time to which she said that is okay Because she forgot she had a personal appointment at that time. So when I knew for sure I would be home in time for my scheduled appointment I again emailed her and was told she needed to cancel to see the other client. Ummm but what about me?? I know I want sure about getting home but I kept in touch with her and this morning skye wad fine with the uncertainty. I rushed to ensure I would be home in time.

I knot the answer is to talk to her bite that will not happen. I refuse to fight to be important.

I think the "solution" is for us to realize or know that we are important no matter how other people treat us, including therapists. But if I felt that way I wouldn't need therapy! Catch-22.

So sorry you are having to go through this.

I so get this, I totally understand. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope you can find inner peace soon.

Wow. I just reread my post from last night. I was so angry that didn't proof read before hitting send. Holy damn auto correct. My lesson is always proof read.

Anyway, I really don't know what is going on with T. We have worked together for over 7 years. She has always been reliable and available. We have always had a great working relationship and have built a lot of trust. The last few weeks things have been totally different. I know she has a lot of personal stuff going on so maybe that is part of it. Usually when I have felt insecure in regards to our (professional) relationship I go into an appointment and realize how much she cares and that it is just my own issues and nothing has changed. However, right now that is not the case. Pm