[ScarletPimpernel]

Sorry for the length. I am finally done writing up my grievance letter against ex-T. I'm trying to get this done sooner rather than letter, so I can get rid of everything and try to put this past me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to file a grievance or not, but in the end, I don't want ex-T doing to someone else what she did to me. I am resourceful enough to find support to keep me strong through this. What if this happened to someone else who wasn't as strong or didn't have the resources. My Pdoc, T, and family all support me in this, and I know when this all first happened, the ER staff, county mental health center, and a crisis house counselor all suggested I file the grievance.

I understand that I will get no closure even if I do get an apology letter and/or answers to my questions. And I might not even win my case. I'll have to trust that the board of psychology will make their best decision and be done with all of this drama.

Once I send this, I can let go. I did everything I can do (besides suing her, but I don't want her money).

So if anyone has some constructive criticism, or even support or encouragement, please respond. I know I'm wearing people out here, and I apologize for that. This has been a traumatizing experience which I'm still dealing with.
_________________________________________________________________

This grievance is not to benefit me. What happened to me happened, and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it. There have been too many excuses and too many lies that even if I got answers, I wouldn’t be able to trust them as truth. And after all the effort I have put in to try to get closure, the lack of empathy thus far negates any apology. I must suffer through the trauma caused and try to overcome the damage. I hope that Dr. T learns that what she did was wrong, and will not do it to another client. That is why I am filing my grievance. In reviewing the American Psychological Association’s Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct, I believe that Dr. T has violated two principles and four ethical standards: Integrity, Justice, 3.04 Avoiding Harm, 3.09 Cooperation With Other Professionals, 10.09 Interruption of Therapy, and 10.10 Terminating Therapy.

History:
I started therapy with Dr. T on October 2, 2013. Over the course of seventeen months we used CBT and Interpersonal Therapy for my depression and anxiety, Exposure Therapy for my Agoraphobia, and Supportive Patient Centered Therapy for my Borderline Personality Disorder (See May 21, 2014 Email From T 2). We also worked on coping skills, crisis plans, increasing my social support, learning different schools of thought (CBT, ACT, Mindfulness), as well as, processing weekly issues.

It should also be noted that Dr. T and I put in a lot of effort over the course of our relationship to get Medi-Cal to keep approving sessions. I took my plight all the way to Senator Barbara Boxer, and Greg Asher, an ombudsman in Sacramento. According to Dr. T, the head of Medi-Cal and the head of Optum had meetings together to decide their course of action with my case. Before Dr. T terminated, we had gotten eight extra approvals which equaled to a total of seventy two sessions.

Progress:
I made a lot of progress while in the care of Dr. T. I went from being afraid to going outside my house to being able to go grocery shopping by myself. We did exposure therapy for my fear of driving and now I own my own car and drive myself to all my appointments. She helped me with my fear of dentists, and I have almost completed all my dental work. I have a repertoire of coping skills including distraction, soothing, and mindfulness skills. I bought books that she suggested I read and tried my best to read them. My self-injury (cutting) was greatly reduced. I was always compliant with my medication even with managing benzodiazepines. When Dr. T and my psychiatrist, Dr. Pdoc, suggested I attend DBT group at MHS North Coastal during Dr. Pdoc’s maternity leave, I followed their advice. I attended and did every homework assignment for my DBT group (See DBT Group Attendance). DBT group started on January 29, 2015 and was completed on June 4, 2015 (See DBT Certificate of Completion). I have followed every suggestion Dr. T made except all her attempts to convince me to voluntarily hospitalize myself or go into a crisis house. On our last full session, March 3, 2015, Dr. T stated to me that I had completed all my short-term goals for Medi-Cal.

Ethical Standard: 10.10 Terminating Therapy
Dr. T terminated therapy with me on March 10, 2015. The session only lasted four minutes. My appointment was at 1:30pm, but Dr. T came out about five minutes late. She came out to the waiting room and brought me back to her office. I had my puppy with me, and she asked me how she was doing since she just had her spay surgery. As soon as I sat down, Dr. T states that we are terminating and that she told Medi-Cal that I no longer benefit from long-term therapy. I broke down crying begging her not to abandon me. I asked her why she was terminating, but she didn’t answer. So I got up and started walking toward the door. She asked me to stay. I asked her why, and she didn’t respond. I asked her what more did she have to say. She still didn’t respond. So I walked out her door into the receptionist area. She asked me again to stay. I repeated all of my questions, as well as, begging her to stay, but still she refused to respond. So I raised my voice and was yelling thing like “please, you promised”, “why did you lie to me?”, and “you promised not to abandon me”. Her response: “If I didn’t leave you, I would be abandoning you. In response to her, I said “f’ you” and slammed the door behind me. I ran out of her office down to my car bawling. I called my fiancé, right away. This was about 1:39pm. He told me to stay calm and wait for him to come get me because I was having a complete mental breakdown. While waiting, I texted Dr. T that I revoked all her consent as she was no longer my therapist. My fiancé came and got me, followed me home, and took me to the Hospital.

Dr. T did not prepare me for a termination. She sprung it on me, and didn’t help me cope or understand. I did resort to yelling and slamming a door, but it was due to the duress Dr. T put me in. At no other time in my relationship with Dr. T have I ever yelled or cursed. And while she might have felt my behavior was threatening, it was caused by the termination (i.e. the threatening behavior did not cause the termination). I feel my anger was appropriate not only for the situation, but also in that setting. And at no time did I verbally or physically threaten her in any way. I feel if Dr. T would have prepared me or gently lead into the topic, I would have still been distressed, but better able to cope.

I do not believe that Dr. T terminated me for just reasons. I clearly needed her services. I still require long-term therapy, yet now I have to pay out-of-pocket because she told my insurance I didn’t benefit from long-term therapy. I also did benefit from treatment with Dr. T. As stated about in the progress section, I did make a lot of progress with her. And I was not being harmed in any way by her treatment considering how well I was progressing. She also didn’t terminate me because she felt threatened as I never threatened her.

Dr. T did not provide me with pretermination counseling. She did give me three referrals, one which was a male even though I have a fear of men. I tried to work things out with Dr. T through email. I sent her an email dated March 13, 2015 asking for closure. She emailed me back on March 13, 2015 saying that she intended to give me ample sessions for closure. I emailed her on March 14, 2015 begging her for the additional closure sessions. On March 16, 2015, she emailed me telling me that I’m no longer allowed to directly contact her. Instead, only a current or future professional could contact her. So I was not able to process the termination with her, and I was not able to get closure. If she did consider my behavior as threatening, she could have talked with me over the phone or through email to help me cope with this trauma. Instead, she cut off all contact. Other attempts at communication were made by my advocate at CCHEA and my new therapist, Dr. New T. My advocate attempted to get an encouraging letter from Dr. T to me. At first Dr. T agreed to give it to a new therapist. When Dr. New T contacted her about the letter, Dr. T declined to give me one. My advocate contacted Dr. T again and persuaded her to give me the letter. Dr. New T also persuaded her to give me a tangible object to remember her by. But I was still struggling with the lack of closure. So Dr. New T contacted Dr. T again asking if she would be willing to have a three way phone conversation with Dr. New T and me in order to gain some closure. Dr. T refused. Instead, she offered to answer any of my questions that Dr. New T emailed her. So I typed up ten questions (See July 19, 2015 Email to New T). Two weeks later, Dr. New T got an email response from Dr. T refusing to answer any of my questions (See Email From T To New T). So all attempts at seeking closure and understanding from Dr. T were thwarted.

Ethical Standard: 10.09 Interruption of Therapy and 3.09 Cooperation With Other Professionals
Dr. T did not make reasonable efforts to provide for orderly and appropriate resolution of responsibility for my care in the event that the employment or contractual relationship ends, with paramount consideration given to the welfare of myself. As stated in my Ethical Standard: 10.10 Terminating Therapy section, Dr. T did not prepare me for termination. Instead, she surprised me with it, and didn’t help me cope with the news or the process. She also did not provide me with appropriate referrals (one being a male). On top of that, she did not inform MHS of the termination. Instead, she expected them to be equipped to handle my duress. While MHS was able to step in and provide me with a little extra support, they were not prepared nor were they able to provide me the long-term care I required. Their clinician had to step in to provide emergency counseling. My psychiatrist there, had to make multiple appointments with me to adjust my medication so I could cope better with the abandonment. And they allowed me to see another two clinicians on a short-term basis until I could find a new long-term therapist. The staff were upset at Dr. T for not informing them and terminating me the way she did.

Also Dr. Pdoc suggested to Dr. T many times to go through Marsha Linehan’s workbook with me, but she refused. I even bought the workbook and Dr. T advised me not to read it. She said she wanted me to be a part of an actual DBT group instead.

Ethical Standard: 3.04 Avoiding Harm
Dr. T did not take reasonable steps to avoid harming me, and to minimize harm where it is foreseeable and unavoidable. Dr. T was well aware of my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (she diagnosed me herself within the first two months), as well as, my extreme fear of abandonment. She was aware of my past history of abandonment which included being abandoned by family and friends and being sent to live in a homeless shelter at age eighteen. She started the session with the termination instead of gently breaking it to me. She did not provide me with any answers, understanding, encouragement, coping strategies, or support. She should have known my reaction would have been extreme and that I would have need patience, kindness, and support. Just a few months before Dr. T terminated me, my psychiatrist, Dr. Pdoc left for maternity leave. Dr. T helped me to process my feelings of abandonment with Dr. Pdoc. And given that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, she should have expected that I would be extremely reactive and in pain from the news. I had stated in an email at one point that I loved Dr. T, so she knew how close I felt to her. And in many emails to Dr. T I talked about my fear of abandonment, as well as, my fear of her leaving me.

Principle C: Integrity
Dr. T was not honest or truthful with me, nor did she strive to keep her promises and to avoid unwise or unclear commitments. If she did feel her deception was ethically justifiable, she did not consider the need for, the possible consequences of, or take responsibility to correct any resulting harmful effects that arose from such deception.

Dr. T made many promises to me throughout the course of our relationship. She promised she would always be there for me, that she wouldn’t abandon me in general and to MHS, she wouldn’t leave me while Dr. Pdoc was on her maternity leave, that termination would never be instant, that she would help me through my future pregnancy I was planning, that she would give me an encouraging letter and a transitional object when we terminated, and that she would continue to be there for me after termination, as well as, let me return to her for future sessions on an as need basis. Dr. T did not deny such promises in her email (See March 12, 2015 Email To [and From] T). She broke all of her promises to me.

Principle D: Justice
Dr. T did not terminate me fairly or justly. She did not allow me to have a say in when or how the termination transpired. She did not treat me like a competent adult who is able to make decisions on my own behalf. And if she terminated me due to her lack of experience with Borderline Personality Disorder, she did not exercise reasonable judgment and take precautions to ensure her limitation of her expertise did not lead to unjust practices. She states in her termination letter to me “I do not have enough experience in the particular areas for which you are needing treatment at this time”. So after seventeen months she finally decides she doesn’t have enough experience even though I’m progressing?

Discrepancies With Reasons For Termination:
1. Medi-Cal’s denial:
Dr. T and I had an agreement that if Medi-Cal ever denied us, we would take our case to the advocate at CCHEA. Proof of this is that I originally met Kim back on May 29, 2014 because Dr. T filled out a request for more sessions wrong and we thought we had to file an appeal. During that process, I also met Greg Asher, an Ombudsman in Sacramento in case we were denied in the appeal process. I have a correspondence letter from Barbara Boxer detailing such effort I put into keeping Dr. T as a therapist. If all else failed, Dr. T agreed to only charge me Medi-Cal’s rate in order to continue long-term therapy with her. Also, Dr. T mentioned in her official termination that she told Medi-Cal to deny me services with her: “Medi-cal is no longer able to authorize services, as you are no longer benefitting from services with me as a provider”.
2. Long-term Therapy:
Dr. T agreed to be my long-term therapist. In order to do that, she had to put in a request for eight sessions at a time to Medi-Cal. I had a total of seventy-two sessions with Dr. T. That meant that she had to put in eight requests (plus the initial sixteen) to Medi-Cal which shows her intention was to be my therapist long-term.
3. Progress:
While terminating me, Dr T stated I wasn’t making enough progress. Yet the week before termination she told me she was proud of me for meeting all of my short-term goals with Medi-Cal. Plus I listed all of my progress in the progress section of this letter.
4. Experience:
In her termination letter, Dr. T states “I do not have enough experience in the particular areas for which you are needing treatment at this time”. Yet Dr. T diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder back in December 2013. She treated me an additional fifteen months knowing she had little experience with Borderline? And besides that, I was attending the DBT group at MHS, so she didn’t need to treat me for the Borderline at that time. Additionally, at one point, Dr. T agreed to be my 24/7 individual long-term therapist if I attended Dr. Milton Brown’s DBT group with DBT Center of San Diego. (I couldn’t afford the group sadly).
5. Boundaries:
I respected all of Dr. T’s boundaries. I have never made a verbal or physical threat towards her. I also respected Dr. T’s request in her email after termination for no further direct contact.
6. Self-Injury
Dr. T knew I suffered from self-injury from our first session. And she knew it existed for the past twenty years of my life. Plus when I originally requested her services, I informed her that a 51/50 had been recently called out on me.

The Impact of This Abandonment:
I have been severely mentally suffering for the past five and a half months. I have been to the emergency room six time for my mental health since the termination (See Emergency Room Visits After Termination). My suicidal ideation and self-injury have increased. One episode was severe enough that it needed three stitches. For the first couple months, I suffered physically from the anxiety: stomach pains, nausea, vomiting, and migraines. I also cried every day for several months, and still suffer from crying spells. This event has triggered my agoraphobia and I now struggle again to leave my house. I’m terrified of getting close to people for fear that they will lie to me and abandon me. I’ve had to reach out to many different resources, some which weren’t really supposed to be a support: San Diego Access and Crisis Line, a counselor at a Crisis House, emergency room staff, my advocate, Dr. M, the clinicians at MHS, my family, and my new therapist Dr. New T. I now have to pay a hundred dollars out-of-pocket for therapy. I feel lost, confused, fragile, vulnerable, sad, depressed, anxious, scared, overwhelmed, abandoned, and rejected. This has really traumatized me and has caused me to regress in my progress I was making. She has diminished my sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth. Dr. T promised she would never do this to me, and now I have to suffer and try to cope with yet another abandonment.

Dr. T has also affected my current therapy with Dr. new T. She forced Dr. new T to be a middleman between her and me which has caused rifts between Dr. new T and me. Dr. new T has had to deliver all the bad news, therefore putting a strain on our relationship and my view of her. It has also caused Dr. new T to feel at times like she’s the enemy. We have had issues communicating and issues with understanding each other. And Dr. new T has had to deal with me being in a constant crisis mode because of the games Dr. T played with me (promising something and then refusing).

Conclusion:
My hope for this matter is that Dr. T will be made aware of her wrongdoing and take responsibility for her actions. I hope that this prevents her from ever treating another client in this manner. I hope I have shown not only that Dr. T has abandoned me without just cause, but that she broke her promises, sabotaged me receiving treatment through my insurance, refused closure, and has caused unnecessary mental harm.

Course of Action:
If I had a say as to what Dr. T could do to improve her errors, I would suggest she take an ethics course, a Borderline Personality course, and some sort of course that teaches empathy and compassion. I don’t think she should be allowed to supervise interns until those are completed. And if possible, I would like a formal apology letter where she states all her wrongdoings, apologizes for the harm she’s caused me, and honestly answers the ten questions that Dr. New T sent to her from me.

[growlycat]

It is helpful that you placed each issue in its own "bucket" or header for clarity. Has your current T seen or commented on this?

[CantExplain]

Comprehensive and well organised. They'll certainly have to take it seriously.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by growlycat

It is helpful that you placed each issue in its own "bucket" or header for clarity. Has your current T seen or commented on this?

I read her the codes that I think ex-T violated and she agreed. But she has not read the letter yet. She's on vacation this week. But I already emailed her a copy.

I'm glad she's supporting me with this grievance. It must be an awkward position to be in seeing how the grievance process works from the client's angle. I keep reassuring her I have no intention to file a grievance on her. I think she understands the severity and the difference.

Just a suggestion: you might want to remove the names from this post if the names that you have given are real just for your own confidentiality and safety.

Well detailed. I hope this brings you the closure and peace you need to move forward.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

This letter is very well done. I feel for you scarlet. I really hope you get the closure you need to move forward and be happy and safe.

[atisketatasket]

I think it is well organized. I agree about removing the names mentioned.

One small point, not to be picky but just because it's the sort of thing someone disposed against your case might focus on as a reason for dismissal: is your therapist an MD or a PhD? Only MDs take the Hippocratic Oath; therapists do not have a professional oath, at least not a required or traditional one. So if she's a PhD, she probably didn't take any oaths, and I'd remove the last sentence of that first paragraph. Again, small potatoes, but I have seen student complaints against faculty dismissed for lesser mistakes.

Reading your letter makes me so sad. I am so very, very sorry that your ex t did this to you. What she did was so wrong and I am sorry. Your letter was very well written and clear. I think you did a great job on it. I only wish you wouldnt have had a reason to write it in the first place. This is exactly what my first t did to me, and within two months i was near death because the grief, loss, and stress of the sudden termination caused my anorexia to get much, much worse. I am so very sorry you had to go through this too.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I think it is well organized. I agree about removing the names mentioned.

One small point, not to be picky but just because it's the sort of thing someone disposed against your case might focus on as a reason for dismissal: is your therapist an MD or a PhD? Only MDs take the Hippocratic Oath; therapists do not have a professional oath, at least not a required or traditional one. So if she's a PhD, she probably didn't take any oaths, and I'd remove the last sentence of that first paragraph. Again, small potatoes, but I have seen student complaints against faculty dismissed for lesser mistakes.

Okay. Will remove that sentence. It's not necessary. But even new T said she broke the oath. M.D. or Ph.D. or Psy.D., they're still a doctor.

Ty for pointing out the names. Forgot those. I think I got them all. At least I knew not to include the main ones. I'm not worried about Boxer, Asher, or Brown.

Any other suggestions are welcomed.

[Lauliza]

I think this is excellent - well organized and clearly written. I think it will be taken seriously. I suggest removing the part about the Hippocratic oath, although I understand why you included it. Only medical doctors (MD's) take this oath, so if she has a phd or psyd it doesn't apply. Not a huge deal but just makes it more technically sound.

I admire you for going through with this - her behavior was loathsome and she should be disciplined.

This is a brilliantly put together and comprehensive report, Scarlet. I admire you for being able to write all this so clearly even though you are still suffering from the after-effects of this T's actions.
One small grammatical point - a couple of times you use the word 'duress' when I think you mean 'distress' (duress meaning coercion).
Good luck with the grievance, it's great that you have the support of new T and those around you.

[SkyscraperMeow]

Good for you, Scarlet. In addition to the mental and emotional distress she's caused, I think her costing you financially by causing your insurance to no longer cover therapy needs to be addressed. Honestly, if your complaint is in any way upheld, I think she owes you some form of compensation.

She didn't just screw up your therapy with her, she actively harmed your ability to access treatment in the future. I'm not sure on the legal ramifications or options here, but I think you'd have some kind of case given how everything has been documented.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

This is a brilliantly put together and comprehensive report, Scarlet. I admire you for being able to write all this so clearly even though you are still suffering from the after-effects of this T's actions.
One small grammatical point - a couple of times you use the word 'duress' when I think you mean 'distress' (duress meaning coercion).
Good luck with the grievance, it's great that you have the support of new T and those around you.

I'll change it. Thank you.

[unaluna]

I think the "and make her answer my ten questions" sounds kinda petulant? Like im afraid it weakens the good strong technical arguments that went before. It almost sounds like an afterthought. If the questions arent strong enough to be included in the grievance, then including a reference to them just gives the people an excuse to put off handling it until the additional information is obtained. Maybe "attach" them?

[JaneTennison1]

I also don't knoww about the bit that says "she also didn't terminate me because she felt threatened as I never threatened her" I don't think you get to say how someone felt but could maybe reword to say you don't believe that was the reason as she saw you before and had never mentioned it.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I also don't knoww about the bit that says "she also didn't terminate me because she felt threatened as I never threatened her" I don't think you get to say how someone felt but could maybe reword to say you don't believe that was the reason as she saw you before and had never mentioned it.

She terminated me and then I had an outburst. The outburst didn't cause the termination. Order of events is important here. I was proving the termination was against code.

I will go back and look at it though. Maybe the part "she felt" is what sounds bad.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think the "and make her answer my ten questions" sounds kinda petulant? Like im afraid it weakens the good strong technical arguments that went before. It almost sounds like an afterthought. If the questions arent strong enough to be included in the grievance, then including a reference to them just gives the people an excuse to put off handling it until the additional information is obtained. Maybe "attach" them?

Yeah. I'm uncertain about that whole last bit asking for what I want. I don’t know what to do with it. I do include the questions as evidence. And I would like to see her attempt to answer those questions for the board. Is there another way I can word it?

[divine1966]

Very well written. Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Yeah. I'm uncertain about that whole last bit asking for what I want. I don’t know what to do with it. I do include the questions as evidence. And I would like to see her attempt to answer those questions for the board. Is there another way I can word it?

I didnt realize the questions were included. Then just say like "the attached questions (Evidence Attachment C) which would provide much-needed closure" or stg like that?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Yeah. I'm including all emails in a big pdf as evidence, emergency room visit papers, email from Barbara Boxer, DBT completion certificate, and DBT attendance and hw record. I also have specific emails as their own pdf that highlights specific evidence. Then there's the grievance letter. I also have contact information for me, ex-T, T, Pdoc, county Pdoc, county DBT facilitator, and advocate.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Wow SP, you have put a lot of hard work and effort into this. I hope it helps with closure and I feel for you in regards to the situation. I think it's great you are moving forward with this step and that at the very least, your side of the story will be heard. I hope this t will never do this to another person and I am incredibly sorry she did this to you. Especially when you had made such progress with her, that the progress was evident and related to the care she was providing (experience with BPD or not, there is a great deal of evidence that progress in therapy is more about the alliance formed with the t than the methods of therapy provided). It is also incredibly damaging to your situation - and I can understand why you are so outraged and harmed by this - that you both worked so hard to get the extra sessions from your insurance, and then she just bails on you!? WTF! That is so wrong because now you are taken several steps back in that you have to not only start all over in building repoire with a new t and explaining everything all over again (aka reworking the ground you had already covered with your ex-t) and make the progress with that all over again, but now you are placed in a financial situation that could have (and was going to be, and should have clearly because you work so hard for it), been completely avoided in the first place. I understand, SP. Not with the financial bit because there was not that part of it for me, but I can relate to financial stress, and the fact that your ex-t directly contributed to first helping with the financial situation (by working hard to obtain all the extra sessions) and then actively placing you in financial stress and essentially, turning her back on you - that would be devastating on top of everything else.

And then now, in your therapy with new t, you are having to focus on the closure you never got, and the harm this ex-t caused due to her abandoning you, instead of simply continuing to make the progress as you could have with your ex-t. I get that it is a huge set-back. I understand the harm it has done to you. I get the fear of abandonment, having a t diagnose you with BPD, and then leave you. I don't know what t's are thinking if they do this. What are they thinking? How can they get away with it? It is actively harming a person to be aware of this (to have diagnosed this) and then inflict the type of damage that comes with abandoning a person in the way she did (no warning, not giving you any say - just imposing it on you suddenly, and then just up and leaving you without closure as she said she would in the first place with the letter and transitional object, which were hugely important to you and she said she would... Even that she abandoned you in the first place when she said she never would).

I don't know, Sp, if there is anyway to mitigate the damage she has inflicted (yes, she inflicted it on you, this is what happens when a t imposes a decision. It is a decision they make and you don't. It is their will upon yours and super-ceding yours. SO they are ultimately responsible for the ramifications if they did not even consult you and if you never would have chosen this course of action because of course you knew that it would be incredibly harmful to your well-being and progress you had made). I do not know if there would be any good answers this ex-t could even give you. I believe she probably did not give you answers because she is probably aware that what she did was wrong, and perhaps does not want to admit that she caused such harm. Maybe she has no good answers for you because she is in denial about her decisions affecting a person like this. Maybe she does not want to own up to it and answer for her actions.

With the situation with me ex-t, it has been 3 years now. 3 years of my life trying to process and heal from the fact that a person who said they would not abandon me, a person who meant so much and cared about me, for 16 years, and who knew my struggles and more about me than anyone else.. A person who I trusted so much (trusted with my life)... could up and abandon me and not even say why. Not even say another word. Not even give me the chance to change my course of actions in order to not lose them, in order for them not to abandon me. Which I would have - I would have done whatever I was supposed to do to keep the relationship in tact, he did not give me the chance to even correct my course of action in order to preserve the relationship... He just decided to leave and abandon me and not even say why... Which brought up my core wound, my core trauma, and having to relive it all over again as an adult - to have to process it consciously and feel all the raw pain of it all - as opposed to being a child and blocking it out or repressing it or whatever... To have it brought up and for him to actively provoke or invoke it or what have you... I get how it could be therapeutic now or to my benefit to make it through that and heal from it - because we are stronger in the broken places when we make it through and heal from them. The fact is, I had no say in this.

Possible trigger:

And most importantly - I almost did not make it through!!! I almost died from the pain because of trying to kill myself and if certain variables had been different. I would have died. And he would have been responsible. I can see why he never wants to face me again, and have to come to terms with that. I mean how painful. If he truly did care (although I can't see how when you up and abandon a person like that when you basically diagnosed them as a teenager and you knew their fear of abandonment... When up and leave and quit contacting a person and do not say why, and do not say goodbye...).... But if he truly did still care somewhere in that heart of his, I could see how painful it would be to get a message on your voicemail from a past client saying they are killing themselves right now and it is the last point of contact they have before they basically almost die. And the thing is, when I was out of the hospital... I check the phone call log.. I think he tried to call back. But of course I did not answer, I was unconscious... I was basically almost dead. And looking back on my phone, I was almost out of minutes... What if I had been out of minutes? What if my cell phone battery had been dead? What if my landlord never figured out that the EMT's could have been there because of me and checked on me and found me unconscious and called them back? I could see how ex-t could be mad at me and hurt (it was an act meant to hurt him, because he hurt me so much... It was supposed to hurt him as much as he hurt me... He left me. So I get to leave him now I guess... The fact is, there were 11 months in-between my suicide attempt and him cutting off all contact, abandoning me and not saying why and not saying goodbye.

It did not have to get to that level of desperation. How could a therapist, of all people, not have the compassion to do the basic minimum of providing closure or even understanding in the first place the harm this kind of thing could do? I do not understand. They should try and teach this sort of thing in their school. I think every therapist should have to take a course on how to correctly "terminate" a person from their life. They should all be required to know the harm it does cause if they do not do this in a manner with the client's (person's) consideration in mind. They should know that it causes great harm and can affect a person's life so much that they might just take their own life to deal with it (or do any other number of self-harming behaviors to cope with being abandoned and not know why and blaming themselves and therefore punishing themselves for causing this person to leave).

Most painful thing to have ever consciously happened to me. 3 years later and I'm still trying to make sense of it, trying to heal from it. I have learned a lot. But at what cost (NOT financial). I'm glad I made it out alive....

Sorry this is so long. I just feel for you. I understand and those are all my reasons why. That's my story. I'm really glad to see you advocating for yourself so strongly SP. If you want me to, I can edit your letter for grammar and that type stuff (I am an English nerd even though you would not know it from my own writing here). Content and everything is great though. Doesn't need any changes. Great job and I hope it does prevent what is an incredibly painfully and frankly, unnecessary experience, for someone else in the future. No one should have to go through this. If you need any support otherwise, I will sure try to be there for you through this.

[ScarletPimpernel]

You can grammer check my letter. Might want to msg me with it though instead of posting it again on here. The basics should be covered. I used to tutor english in college, but I'm sure I've made some mistakes. The sentence structure should be right, but I probably made some mistakes with the comas. But it's not like I'm writing a paper for a class though I do want it as perfect as I can get it. This is my only shot at explaining myself, so I want to get it right. One of the reasons I posted it here. Also, please understand that there might me some errors too simply because I took out identifying information.

I'm sorry that you went through abandonment too.

I really am not filing this for closure. Though I want an apology, if will be a forced one. Though I want answers, they will probably be lies. I ask for them because I have to. Something in me still wants those things. But really, if ex-T learns that what she did to me was wrong, then my grievance will be successful. I have always stood up for others. I know I have this strength inside me to fight for what's right. I call it my stubbornness. Sadly, it always comes about because of struggling or being pushed into a corner. But I survive somehow. It's sad. Even someone wrote in my senior yearbook "try not to kill yourself this summer". That's been my life. Surviving myself and my circumstances. But hey, I'm alive. That's got to count

[Gavinandnikki]

You know Scarlet, you rock. You really do.

[Ambra]

(((((Scarlet)))))

Great job, really.
Thinking of you.

[Maverick1930]

So, what was the outcome of filing this grievance?

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