transference as violation

Hello, am I late to the fray? I think therapy is inherently seductive and manipulative. My personal experience with it has definitely formed this view also the reading of so-called professional literature has left me with a bitter taste. I don't think those two qualities necessarily exclude that it can be beneficial.

All I hear is 'Infidels, how dare you desecrate that which is holy. Any negative opinion about therapy poisons our well established collective'. I think negative opinion read by people that have benefited from therapy reinforces their positive experience. They know they're on the other side, saved, whatever. Negative opinion keeps this board from becoming a cult worshipping therapy.

I can't control what you hear. Or what you take from what you read. Your take on what I wrote says more about you than what I wrote.

But there are also people on the "pro" side who are no longer in therapy who still post here. Should we not let them remain either?

I think they are allowed to be here, even though like you (but in the opposite way) I get the sense from 1 or 2 of them that they are merely here to boost therapy and insist that all therapists are wonderful, etc.

This is the "Psychotherapy" forum. Not the "Pro-Psychotherapy" forum.

I agree. I've often wondered why those that have 'completed' therapy still hang around.

To talk about their experiences? To offer advice to those who are still in therapy? To share their views and perspectives?

I have never once wondered why those people are still here. I appreciate their continued presence, and very much enjoy their posts.

Thats rude male privilege and hostility right there. Why do you people put up with it? This is not what we wanted the site to be.

I thought it was a quite reasonable response to provocation. And I saw nothing about gender privilege in it.

I completely agree.

I think people stick around regardless of their current in or out of therapy status just because we are all so fun.

I don't believe people need to be segregated or prohibited from posting anything, including generalizations. They just might need to be aware that generalizations usually aren't very supported, then they will not be as upset when people disagree. Most certainly they'll get more support if they post about their own experience.

But if one wants to say that therapy is all set up to promote sexual and romantic desire between client and therapist, it's ok. I don't see any harm in someone believing that. It doesn't mean others will agree with it though.

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It wasnt provocative. And boss implies dominance which in this culture implies male. You need a feminist refresher course.

Eta - such courses werent invented yet when i was in school. We learned by doing!

I find it interesting that it seems not just like mere disagreement but that some actually take offense at someone's belief that is different about a profession as a whole.
Any number of people believe and express a negative opinion about my professions (lawyers and professors) as a whole. I don't get all offended and that is actually something about me. The level of outrage and offense here about someone saying something negative about someone else's profession rather than the outraged responders is something I find fascinating.

Once again, we completely disagree. Being told to shut up and leave is a bit of provocation in my opinion.
And I certainly don't see boss as implying male in this culture anymore.

Its just that we are so compassionate and hate to see a fellow traveler in pain.

Anymore? I fear the current era of womens freedom will be just a blip on the screen of history. Im reading the mansplaining book. Its not looking good.

Is that why the OP keeps being told to shut up and go away? Because of so much compassion for his pain?

I have compassion for OP's pain. I just don't care for his anger and hostility, which is how his comments come across to me. I find it very unfortunate. I'd certainly be more interested in OP's own story rather than his condemnation of the therapy profession as a whole.

But if one does not care for someone else here - there is an easy solution to it. Just don't read that person's posts. Why bother railing at those of us who are skeptical and not true believers? Being hurt and in pain often leads to anger - that is not unusual. Often, from what I have read - anger is a good thing. And being told to just stop being angry is not a tactic that I have seen work very well. I have seen the OP criticize a profession - not be angry and hostile at others who post here until provoked. I have seen other posters be angry and hostile to him for his beliefs and position about a profession.
And fortunately, no one here is under any obligation to satisfy the curiosity of others or post as others wish them to do.

I find that questioning the profession has the effect of improving my therapy experience. I can raise these issues with my therapist, who agrees that there are problems and pitfalls to practicing therapy, and we can talk about how to avoid those pitfalls. If she were to reject my opinions, it would be too much like my toxic abusers telling me I was the problem.

I see a lot of variations in replies here, and yet the discussion frequently gets reframed into all or nothing us/them concepts. Bottom line for me is that questioning something as important and expensive (emotionally and financially) as therapy has been a really good thing. It's satisfying and often reassuring to kick the tires to make sure they can handle the trip (or to stop and repair if conditions are iffy).

I understand anger very well, as I have gone through many periods of anger, even rage, in my life. I don't frown upon anger, nor would I tell anyone to stop being angry. But I don't see how being angry at a large group of people you've never met is productive. The OP is clearly angry at his ex-therapist, as he should be, and I personally think he'd heal and make peace with it much sooner if he raged about what actually happened to him.

As for other people satisfying the curiosity of others or posting as others wish them to do, I never actually said that anyone should do that. What I meant was that I think it's a shame that someone takes on so much anger towards a perceived problem they can never resolve instead of focusing on their own healing process. I'm not saying that they should do that for MY benefit or satisfaction, but rather for their own. This anger at the system only seems to prolong their suffering. However, I can only express how sad it makes me that they don't focus on their own pain. I am not trying to dictate their behaviour. Why would I do that? Where would that get me?

SD, your scepticism does not bother me (not that you would care if it did, obviously). I don't have a problem with people being sceptical towards something, but with those who go from scepticism to attack mode. I have not, however, told them to shut up and go away. I have argued against it. If anyone has ever read my comments as me telling them to eff off, I sincerely apologise for that. That was never my intention.

For the love of god, please discuss the topic raised in the thread, instead of what you think of me for posting.

If you read my initial 2 posts there is no evidence of anger whatsoever. Nothing. The anger is in the responses.

I get angry when I'm attacked by strangers too. I think that is a normal response.

People don't really seem to be reading your posts. They just react to what they think you're saying. That is sad.

Who would have ever though therapy could be so divisive?

For example, I was bullied in school as a teenager. Horribly. It was the kind of cruel abuse where on a daily basis I was told I was so ugly I didn't deserve to be alive and that I should do the world a favour and go kill myself. Half of the people in my class were awful to me, whereas the other half did nothing.

As a result I spent a long time being angry at the world and hating everyone around me. This wasn't productive at all. It only caused further pain. It was incredibly destructive, and I was never going to heal and recover that way.

I would never accuse every teenager in the world of being inherently bad. Yes, some teenagers are arseholes, but that is to be expected. Doesn't mean one should launch an attack on teenagers in general. I only healed (sort of) when I realised that what these bullies did to me was wrong, but that they were a terrible group of teenagers and not representatives of that demographic as a whole.

Now, I understand that everyone's process is different. There isn't one right way for people's pain to be resolved. However, there are definitely ways to deal with pain that are terribly destructive. I believe that expressing anger towards everyone in the world who fits into a specific category, rather than being angry at the individual who harmed you, is one of them. Others may disagree. I can't do anything about that, so I wouldn't try. I can't force people to change their views, I can only express mine, and that is exactly what I am going to do.

Well, BudFox, that is how I read your posts. I see plenty of evidence of anger, and I find it problematic. I AM discussing the topic raised in this thread, and my opinion, which I have made very clear, is that therapy itself is not abusive or violating. Only individuals can be those things. The profession isn't evil. If you do not believe that it is, I hereby challenge you to express your opinions in a way that doesn't make a lot of other members read them in what you consider to be the wrong way.

You may choose to ignore this challenge. That is up to you.

Also, there were plenty of people who were saying that you come off as hateful. I am not the only one who has expressed dislike for the way you word your arguments, but I guess you are making an example out of me, which is fine, I suppose. My comment was written to say that I disagree. Being angry and being hateful are different things. I have probably used the word "hateful" myself at some point (seems like a fair assumption, hah), but if so I take it back, and I apologise for it. "Hateful" should be reserved for truly terrible people, like Putin and Trump.