The Couch 119: Come Join The Human Shelf!

Granite, I agree with MKAC about your standing up to your mother. I hope things work out with your son. He has 2 loving parents who care about him.

I'm still crying off and on. I'm grieving a marriage with hardly any physical part to it. He always said it's because I complained about everything too much. All I wanted was to be loved. He gave me security but not the love I needed. It's so sad. No wonder I'm jealous of my T. My H was well-liked by many. I can't blame him. I think we must have just been mismatched for all of those years.

Now I'm angry with him as well as sad. Disgusted with myself too. T kept saying I had choices but I was a wimp. Then he died. It's not my fault! I want to die too. Living is too hard. I don't mean that I'm just overtired. Trying to take a nap. Often I fall asleep with phone in my hand.

It's not my fault he got sick and died, is it? He didn't deserve to die, even if he couldn't give me what I needed. I couldn't give him what he needed either. We both messed up. T says tears are grief. I wish I could cry in the session. Yesterday she said to try to let it out but I couldn't. Not til I got down the hall to the bathroom.

Thsnks,MKAC.

Rainbow, you didn't kill him so no, it's not your fault he died.

You are a real person. Real people talk about what you talk about.

I will try to shut up more effectively, then.
(I know your reply was not directed at me, but it touches on what I wrote.)

Finally dropped my car off to be fixed. Hopefully I haven't done too much damage driving around when it wasn't well. I did try to limit the number and lengths of trips.

People want to dance what you want to dance about

Granite my t has never done the happy dance. He knows what we're missing. Im sure your t does too.

Agreed to all of this!
i hope your T doesn't do a happy dance about this. she knows how hard it is to stand up to your mother, because otherwise you would have done it by now.
Crocus, I think all CE was saying was that ATAT does have real conversations with other people, because ATAT is a real person....Im not sure how that relates to what you wrote? Or how you feel like you should shut up more?! We WANT you to talk more! I do at least

Crocus, I think all CE was saying was that ATAT does have real conversations with other people, because ATAT is a real person....Im not sure how that relates to what you wrote? Or how you feel like you should shut up more?! We WANT you to talk more! I do at least [/quote]
I second, third and fifth that

I apologise. I tried to explain that I did not refer to AtAt, but I was stupid enough to think thag because her post was a direct reply to mi e Imight be allmowed to respond to CE's post as it pertained to myself because I hasd said rhe exaxt same thinf.

I can't speak for Crocus but I sometimes don't feel real in terms of truly being alive. Or sometimes I make real and normal synonymous, so the question has sometimes been "how do normal people have conversations?"

This is actually the one of the reasons I started therapy in the first place - about five years ago I started not being able to have conversations (although I got that idea from the future ex, so maybe not, but I internalized the idea at least and believed it). When I ask, therapists either are stumped or they tell me "we are having a normal conversation." In a therapy appointment? No, we're not.

Anyway, I posted originally to show some solidarity with Crocus. And to compliment her on the Donne reference. I also want her to talk more!

Granite - if the therapist does do some sort of congratulations it could be because you stood up for yourself and not because of the perceived loss. In my experience they tend to exaggerate the happy idea for that sort of thing. That she might be happy you stood up for yourself does not lead to the conclusion that she does not know how hard the situation is for you.

Crocus - I think people were trying to be supportive. I don't think anyone was trying to stop you from replying to CE. What would be supportive for you? (I am serious - I would like to be, but I am unable to read you well enough to know what that might be)

I am somewhat surprised at the idea that a therapist would be able to know what a normal conversation would be - I have never seen them have one.

My person is having a very hard week. I am about to order some food because I know what we have in the house she won't eat. It is only a small chance she will eat what I bring her even though it is one of her favorite things when she is not having a bad week. She won't tell me what would be palatable to her at this point, but she really has to eat something or things will get worse. She will either eat it or push it away sobbing. 50/50 chance. I try not to take it personally.

Yes, it does apply to what you wrote. You are a real person, too.

But why should that make you shut up?

Waiting fo my garlic bread to come out of the oven. well garlic, chilli and cheese bread actually.

why does it keep telling me I spell "chilli" wrong? Even in the dancing chillis html tag thats how its spelt.

Maybe an American (chili) vs. British English (chilli) thing? The spellchecker seems to be American English.

I didn't know we spelled it differently! Guess that's my new fact of the day!

I did not know chilli was spelt with one "l" in America. Do they have special packaging for non-American markets these US canned chilli people?

Dunno, but we do have a restaurant chain called Chili's.

One time I took my son to dinner at Chili's (well I tried to) and as we waited in line for a table, the hostess kept telling us to wait and seating people who came in after us. I got upset after about the 4th group who came in got seated and we didn't, so we left, and I took him to his 2nd favorite restaurant instead. When I got home I wrote a letter to corporate telling them what happened. Shortly thereafter, we received a letter of apology from the restaurant's manager with a $25 gift certificate. So my son got to go there one last time. We've never been back. But, it was good to know that corporate took my letter seriously.

Love Chili's. We eat there regularly.

We don't have a Chili's nearby but they have frozen entrees that are pretty tasty (and I'm sure no healthier than the restaurant fare).