The Couch 119: Come Join The Human Shelf!

God, I hate people so much sometimes. Particularly stupid, self absorbed people. I had a VERY clear understanding with a client, I thought, and followed up on it in writing. He just emailed early this morning and said he was out of the country and did not get my letter and his understanding was the ****ing opposite of what we talked about. AND now the deadline to file the thing he now claims he wanted me to file has passed and there is not a ****ing thing I can do about it. I offered to file the ****ing thing if I did not hear from him and he said no, no, he would definitely get back with me. Ugh.

Morning, couch.

Well I got a call earlier from a CVS asking if I could fill in tonight. Had to say that I was already working at a different store. I am in high demand. Lol.

I also got a call from another school earlier requesting and interview on Friday. Had to tell them I was working all day on Friday. Secretary tried to figure something else out, but said she needed to talk to the principal and would call me back. Hopefully, that will work out and I can have an interview. That was for the math intervention position I was talking about yesterday that would be ideal.

Well, I am off to my interview that I have today. It is just up the street from my house (about 4 blocks), so I should be home relatively soon.

Have a good morning, couchateers.

Wow, so the students I meet then end up your clients? Sincere commiserations. It really is ****ing frustrating.

Actually, I was thinking, "wow, MKAC must be representing my former department chair."

This is rather impressive - I agree with almost everything, which is rare I have no idea why 19 mentions only one of the many dialects, 40 is a bit offensive, and 41 is dumb - that is a very regular sound rule and everybody "knows why" - but other than that, yeah, those are the things you need to know. Especially 49, and the three addenda.

I tried to shop at Costco today and was so totally overwhelmed by all the people that I started wandering around spaced out and finally just left. I swear, half the times that I try to shop there I get anxious and have to leave empty handed!

If it's not one thing it's another. I can't take much more. I feel responsible for all of it.

This is some kind of attempt to a response to velcro's wonderful post back on page 32 or if it was 33.

Five weeks since my best friend told me i am getting to be too much. I have been really good since then and not said a word to anybody about how i feel or any "problems" (as if I had a right to call it that) I might have. when does the urge to get "support" (my stomach turns over at the word when it is in connection with myself) cease?? How do I get rid of it? I have to be independent, I have to. I hate T for not helping me with this, he is all John Donne on the one hand while refusing to tell me what real people talk to other people about on the other. If I had a shred of backbone I'd write him to say I am not returning after the summer. After all, I do not deserve any help or "support" and I clearly cannot utilise the help he has given me.

And that is why I don't get to post here when I don't feel so good. Or one of the reasons anyway.

What's going on, Ellahmae?

For what it's worth, I think PC is an extra-good place to post when you don't feel so good. Because the point of this place is mental health support, I don't think it gets tiresome or burdensome to hear each other's struggles--that's why we are here.

I guess this means we're not taking our sand dancing show on the road yet?

Thats alright. I'll keep sewing our costumes. Im an extremely slow and meticulous tailor.

Crocus - I have asked all three of my therapists what real people talk about. None of them could answer, at least not satisfactorily.

Nice Donne reference!

The thought of our show makes life more bearable. But I haven't perfected the one-leg hop so I'm not sure we're ready just yet.

You guys are gonna be the new Cirque du Soleil. You'll be headlining in Vegas soon.

Aw! I thought I freaked you out.

That is one of my fears with starting new friendships, and is actually something I am dealing w right now-the fear of being "too much" for somebody. Needs, gross! I dislike them. I spent the better part of the past 13 years avoiding and avoiding needing people. The last 5 have been me living alone, and I managed to isolate myself pretty spectacularly. I go to work, come home and cuddle the cat. Rinse and repeat.

I started roller derby back in November, and a few months ago someone on the team basically took me under her wing. I fought (and still do) the idea that it was nice to have someone to talk to about all the real and not fun shite going on in my head. I tell myself that she is married, has tons of friends, is a busy person-all i do is drag her down.

I just had a conversation about this with her the other day. She doesn't see it the same way as I do. She likes that I am always thinking and share my thoughts with her, and that I care about how she's doing, etc. I did make her promise me to be honest if I was too much.

What this entirely too long story is leading to is that I really wish I didn't need support either. My therapist keeps telling me that I am not a rock, I am in fact human, and therefore have needs to connect with other people. It makes me mad, because I really have come to enjoy not spending every night at home alone, or being able to chat with someone when I am having a rough day. I want to go back to being a robot! The only problem with that is as a robot, I was really depressed. I wouldn't say I'm in-depressed right now, but I am better.

I am so sorry your best friend said that to you! Were those his/her exact words? Either way, I find it very difficult to completely be independent. I did it for years, but as each year went on, I felt worse and worse. So, you could always try to not need anyone Crocus, but I am not sure the safety of not being hurt by anyone outweighs the risk of any sort of contentment in life. Maybe? This is just my take on it. And please keep posting!

Yeah get outta town britney spears and mariah carey! Celine dion, you can stay

i dont know what to do i need my T so bad .im trying to hold on until tomorrow when i see her. so much has happened over yesterday and today i dont know what to do im in shock . first off my sons x girlfriend is torturing him with threatening to get rid of the dog . she went behind his back and had all his papers put in her name . told him if he doesn't find a place that takes dogs she will get rid of it and he will never be able to see it again . he was sobbing in my arms again just ripping my heart out . it hurts so bad to see him in such pain . im such a coward. when he stopped sobbing i sat with him for a bit and then took 2 xanax and left the house because i couldnt deal . i then went to a friends and had 2 drinks . so i was numb . i guess durring that time my son put on FB he needed to get out of the house before he went crazy . my husband asked him ware he was going and he said to a particular friends house i know he smokes pot at . so after the crap with the girlfriend my husband says to him if you go do drugs dont come home i dont want that stuff here .so now my son thinks that my husband who was pretty much the only farther figure he has known doesnt want him . i knew none of this had gone on with my husband .so when i got home my son was gone and my husband said nothing about the interaction . so just because things were not bad enough the mother decides to plaster all over my sons FB wall about how he is driving me crazy and that he needs to get out and find a place to live and to stop expecting one is just going to fall in his lap etc... and all this horrible stuff . i knew nothing of this either my son had deleted it because all his friends had seen it and were texting him about it . so now he thinks my husband doesnt want him .his grandmother is horrible ,and he is driving me crazy and needs to move out because im not healthy enough to deal with him according to the mother . it took some doing but i did get my son back home and we talked ,my husband sent him a text saying that he loves him and that we are family and he just wants to help but doesnt know how or what to say etc.. i hope my son believes him . the the most stressful thing of all is what i did to the mother . i basically blew up what ever family i had with her . i was so upset and in shock i called her and told her that my son would not come home now .she asked why and i told her because of what she put on face book , and with no emotion at all she said "oh im sorry" that was it nothing else . i just said to her i dont know what to do anymore and told her that i was just done with all this and a sarcastic thanks and hung up the phone never to talk to her again . i am panicked beyond belief .thinking of just dying .the world will so much better with out a selfish coward like me in it .im so tired .there is not enough xanax to take this pain away

Seriously, your mother deserves everything you said to her and more! You have no reason to feel badly about what you said to her. From what you have said on here, you will not get rid of her that easily.

Granite, you dont protect yourself from your mother, but you ARE protecting your son from her. Thats - thats good and awesome and important and an accomplishment.

Also, Granite, if your son is willing to show vulnerability and cry with you, you are in no way selfish or a bad mother. You have shown him that he can trust you with his emotions and his pain.

its hard because i instantly feel guilty about all of it . that is who i am and what i have been taught . but i have never ever stood up to her like this and told her i was done and hung up on her . what she did was so hurtful to my son it is to me unforgivable . my family has the habit of when things are bad to just turn you back on someone when they need you the most im trying not to do this to my son . it is hard because that is all i know and i have everyone in my family telling me to not help him .to let him sink or swim . that didnt work well with me and i cant do it to my son . he is feeling so abandon right now and i contributed to that . it hurts so deep .as far as the mother and i i will try my damnedest to stick to my guns i know my T will miss the whole thing about how tramatic all this is for me . giving up the only family i had and will be doing a happy dance about it all

omg MKAC it is tearing my heart and im finding it so hard to handle this is why i feel like such a selfish coward

Well bloodwork was a little rough, they had a hard time finding a vein and stuck me twice. Wasn't fun. But t was good today. I thought it was going to be an awkward session but it wasn't and went surprisingly well. In fact, its probably one of the best sessions we've ever had (t is still pretty new though). She even kept me a little longer than usual because we were in the middle of a conversation, that was nice.

The fact that it IS so hard for you handle, and yet you hang in there and keep trying, shows how unselfish you are. If being a good mother were easy, most of us would not be on this forum.

(((Hug))) Granite. I can so totally relate to how you are feeling about standing your ground with your mom and how traumatic it is for you. I was also raised that way and it's so hard to find the strength and courage to stand up to them.

My situation is nowhere near the severity you are experiencing, but I've had to stand up to mom's old school discipline and correction advice concerning my son.

I've done it in small steps at a time and it has still been hard for me. My heart hurts for you being in the place you are to have to take such a huge step at one time.

Sending you strength and courage! You are an awesome and amazing woman and mother.

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