Whats so wrong about disassociating?

Im still relatively new to seeing a therapist. Its only been about two months. I have mostly just sought after medical treatment for my anxiety, adhd, insomnia.

I guess I never really knew that I "dissociated". I have always known that I live in a world of imagination and that my memory is horrible. At the beginning my therapist asked if I ever felt like I floated or was out of my body. I of course said no (It happens all the time. But, sometimes I like it....)

Anyway, I admitted that after the last session I had a hard time reconnecting to myself and felt robotic for a few days.

At my most recent session she kept checking in and asked where I was or if I was floating and kept telling me that it was important that if I was I should tell her.

I find it so hard not to do that. Its so easy for me to just separate especially during sessions. Its harder for me to stay "present" then it is for me to float away.

So my question is what is so wrong about it and why is it so important to stay?

Being present is one of the requirements of improving. I am not sure you are escaping exactly, but you need to be there to feel it and to learn.

Mindfulness ~ be present.

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dissociation becomes harmful when it interferes with a persons life and function...example using your post...having a hard time reconnecting.

in normal dissociation a person is able to let their mind wander, during their relaxation time. disconnecting, a feeling of numbness or spaciness during times when there is nothing to do and is normal and ok..

but when someone is trying to do something and they become disconnected, numb and spaced out it affects what they are doing and they cant do what needs to be done...

when its not harmful it doesnt feel robotic for days. a person stops being robotic the moment they re engage their focus on their life...

heres a dramatic example of what can happen with harmful dissociation vs helpful dissociation....

having a hard day at work a person pulls over to the side of the road to relax, let their mind wander, noticing their body feel numb and spaced out from the stresssful day.. then they come back to their body notice whats going on around them no longer feel numb and spaced out get back on the road and finish driving home.

having just put in a hard day at work a person who is driving their car suddenly spaces out and feels numb, their attention is jerked back to the moment and discover they have been in a car accident because they were not able to focus on the road and what they and other vehicles were doing.

dissociation runs on both normal and abnormal\harmful levels.

Dissociation is a coping mechanism that I acquired very young for survival. What my therapists and pdoc always said was it served a purpose for survival when I was young and still literally in danger, but as an adult, I can learn to stay present and work through those situations that I dissociate from -- it is a coping mechanism that doesn't serve me well as an adult. And as an adult, I am also not literally in danger from those situations that caused me to initially start using dissociation as a coping mechanism. It is also very hard to really process through things when I just really am not present. I had to learn to recognize when I as I am starting to dissociate (it was possible when I came to learn that I was actually doing it), learn methods to consciously work to stay present, and confront those issues from my past that kept triggering me into dissociation. For me, that was MUCH of the work of therapy.

Some good comments here:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=446851

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Thanks! I tried searching for a thread before I posted but I guess I wasn't searching under the right terms.

No problem. I stumbled across it and it was interesting to me and thought I would share.

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I rarely dissociate (I'm all too present most of the time, including during traumatic events). But last fall I spectacularly dissociated twice - as in, "came to" somewhere I didn't remember having driven to, and another time lost 48 hours of my life, during which I carried on as normal - went to work, made phone calls, wrote emails - but remember none of it.

I understand the concern - it's a protective mechanism, but it can a) keep you from dealing with your real life and problems, and b) actually cause harm to you if you're doing things in a sort of zombie way.

The floating feeling if you are actually observing yourself is more like depersonalization or at least that's what my pdoc said I was experiencing.

Dissociation is more where you actually go away & loose total memory of what all is going on.

Just wanted to specify that there is a difference if you hadn't already learned about that.

I'm actually glad I don't "disassociate" much these days. My T use to say people do it daily but they don't realize it.

Disassociation I believe is a dangerous mode to be in. It has its value for protecting one self but I think using it as an escape method, can be frustrating for others and leave one in a very vulnerable position. I'd rather have clear thinking in my life. In the world we live having a clear mind is needed. Moving in/out a dissociative mind can also cause further confusion in the brain and emotions.

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It's not 'wrong'. Just depends on whatever it is that causes the dissociation is affecting your quality of life.

I do that all the time. Suddenly come to at a location and don't know if I am coming or going or how long I have been there. I have to find clues like what clothes I'm wearing, the date and time on my phone or watch. If I have left notes for my self (I started writing down where I am driving to several years ago because I would "forget"). I keep my calendar with me at all times. Its been my life. I have always been told that it was my ADD until recently.

I guess I have just always lived with it and found ways around it. It has always been treated as ADD and just being absent minded. I have to find clues like what clothes I'm wearing, the date and time on my phone or watch. If I have left notes for my self (I started writing down where I am driving to several years ago because I would "forget"). I keep my calendar with me at all times. Before GPS I would print out the location I was driving too and place the paper on the seat next to me. Now I have my phone. Most days I don't know the day or year but I always make sure that I have something that can tell me like a watch or phone.

I guess I thought I had better control of it.

From a book I am reading

"Dissociation, while protective, creates suffering. When people who have suffered trauma leave their bodies, they leave home. By rejecting pain and pulling away from the ground of their being, they experience the disease of separation-loneliness, anxiety, and shame. They are cut off from a wholeness of being."

This part: "they experience the disease of separation-loneliness, anxiety, and shame." is so much of my life.

My perspective these days is that I need all of me to both meet the challenges and the opportunities in my life. I'm working really hard on staying present for things. It's safer that way, for starters: I am way better able to protect myself. But it's not an easy habit to break. And sometimes, having no easy escape feels excruciating.

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That is what I have found, too--dissociation cuts me off from myself, the world, and other people.

The part of what you wrote that I bolded sounds like you think it is a problem, so maybe your therapist is going off of your own words that it's something you want to work on?

After I read that I started to realize that is pretty much how I have been living my life. Kinda just a little separated from everything and everyone.

Hmmm good point.

i have DID. i dont think theres anything wrong with dissociating

ive told my T many times that i like how i feel when im dissociating. its like thsi warm numb void..no thoughts, no feelings...not there. feels good

I've just learned about dissociating PTSD. I'm not sure that I have it. Here's what I do:

1. If I am interested in something I am truly 100% present. If I am not interested, like in science class in school, Elvis has left the building.

2. When I am driving, I am having conversations and thoughts so deep that I am automatically driving the car and forget where I am going.

3. When I have sex with my h, I leave my body. I am living a fantasy somewhere else and am not even me.

4. I have done acting. I become someone else. It isn't me and I really like it and am very good at it.

5. I have imaginary friends who are with me. I never told anyone this before.

6. I cannot focus on super hero movies or foot ball games. My mind just shuts down, goes elsewhere, no matter how I try to focus.

7. I feel like an actor in my own life. Is there even a me? Am I just playing a role? I always dress the part for who I want people to think I am.

the driving thing is really common. it's called highway hypnosis

Not sure there is anything wrong with it as long as you don't hurt or abuse anyone else while you're doing it. I was harmed by someone who claimed to dissociate a lot and I really wish they would have not done those things.