How old is your therapist?

My T is older than me, in his 60s. I like that he has had a lot of therapy experience.

Why would it be bound to be unflattering when compared to a therapist? I don't see them as having a better life than I do - I don't want their life or job. I don't think they are better in general in their own lives than I am. I don't see therapists as ideal. How would that happen?

shes just a few years older. like a big sister.

She is 66 and I am 45. I like it that way...she has real experience in some of the issues I a dealing with as I age. Her child is only 7 years older than my oldest, so she also remembers some of my child rearing issues.

I think a lot of people do end up seeing their therapists as ideal. There's a lot to admire in the therapist's persona--the appearance of having one's **** together, the unflappability, equanimity, etc. Particularly if you feel your own life is falling apart.

But I see your point. 'Bound to be unflattering' was strong language, and not what I meant--certainly I wasn't trying to say that therapists are somehow superior to we lowly clients. Just that it might appear that way often enough to be worth noting. I've read about it on here more than rarely, anyway.

My T is under 30 and only a couple of years older than me. I definitely get older sister transference.

Ex T too. Their therapist-care etc feels painful at times because my older sister is very distant and uncaring.

I don't think I'd do well with older male or female Ts like my first ever counsellor as I might get negative parental transference.

He's 32 and I'm 25... so he's roughly my age... ish.

My old T was 55 and she had a daughter 1 year older than me. Her daughter was friends with a lot of people I knew... which means my T basically met all my friends and acquaintances. Awkward!

Yeah, but they probably have hairy toes and I'll bet they pick their noses when nobody's looking.

**** comparisons. You do you, Warrior.

I understood what you were saying straight away, and did not interpret it as you claiming that therapists are just generally superior to others. Don't understand how anyone could have interpreted it that way. The problem is that they might appear to be the image of perfection to their clients when in their therapist role. We don't get to see any of their problems or their crap, which creates an illusion of sorts, and this, to me, would especially suck if the therapist was my age.

Of course I have never thought of either of my therapists as perfect (especially not my university therapist, who is all over the place and has never had her **** together, ever), but they do appear to mostly have control over their lives and be reasonably happy. This doesn't make me feel bad when they're so much older than me, but I would feel terrible if they were my age and so "established" or whatever. It would be a constant reminder of what I am not.

Yeah, to hell with comparisons.

I have never seen a therapist present their best self (or at least I hope I have not) to me. Gah - if that is their ideal self I would find that quite sad. I don't find their therapist persona compelling.
But I understand that people go to see them for different reasons.

Well, stopdog, you are certainly in a very different place in your life than I am. I tend to think that everyone else is better than me, unless they're really, really obviously awful.

This made me laugh. My therapist has informed me that he is much kinder and more patient when he is doing therapy than when he isn't. I believe him on this point, because he's fairly extreme on those qualities. But beyond that, his multitudinous flaws are frequently on display.

Ex t is about 20 years older. Current t about 8 years older. New t I have no idea. Haven't met her yet.

This t I have now is in her early 30s which i don't like very well. I have cousins older than her. Plus I lost both my parents already and have been through quite a bit of life already which I don't think she has done yet. My last t was two years younger which i didn't like that much because she seemed like she had her stuff together and i didn't feel like i did and I was always comparing myself to her and she was younger than me. I had her for 7 years. My previous therapists all were older than me which i liked. I had mother transference towards them all. I guess when you get to be my age (53) it is harder to find someone older than you.

I agree. That's why I don't want a therapist who's my age or around my age. I would constantly compare myself with them and it wouldn't be healthy. With someone older, I can at least tell myself that I'll reach a place where I have my **** together. You know, in the future. When I'm older.

My T is late 50's.

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My T is about the same age as me, we're both in our thirties. It's not why I chose him, but I do like that we have things in common. A bit older or younger would've worked too, I think. Somewhere between 30 and 55.

My former T is 10 years older than me. I liked it because she is a little older, but still close enough in age to be able to relate with me.

I want a t older than me absolutely. Close to my age is acceptable. Younger than me. No way. I'm 44

My t is 60, she is 25 years old than me. Sometimes it helps she older but a lot of the time she is out of touch with the world we live in and this can be difficult

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