Inpatient but so anxious and scared

What a d***. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this.

I plan on calling my therapist sobbing tomorrow. I think it will help. They all work through a central hospital system, maybe she can get my pdoc to talk some sense into them. I'm on Neurontin now for anxiety and I hate it. It does nothing. I want my high dose of seroquel back. I'm so desperate right now I'd even consider ECT.

Please tell your t about the "borderline girl" incident. What a horrible assault on one's dignity. Again I want to punch those people for you!!! Borderline PD is not leprosy. I was called that in my teens but no doctor since then thinks I fit the diagnosis. I swear practitioners use this to stigmatize people Lots of hugs. I hope your t can help you find some kind of partial hospitalization somewhere else.

I did not have thiso diagnosis until a few months ago and the difference is night and day. I hate it. It's so stigmatized it's disgusting.

My long term therapist told me early on in my therapy that borderline personality disorder is the label given to you when your treatment team doesn't like you. He always thought it was a lazy catch all diagnosis that was more stigmatizing than helpful. Really rooting for you to recover and show them what idiots they are for doubting you

Tell someone about that doc. I can't believe this idiot! With any diagnosis it's just inappropriate ex " this is diabetes girl" . Terrible

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I miss mynold therapist and pdoc so much. They were both sure i was not BPD.

I need help so badly with my obsessing and they won't switch my meds at all. I'm so frustrated and sad.

I'm scared to leave here with nothing different. I'm also scared the grand pdoc on high will deem me "too sick for outpatient therapy," and send me to do 3 months of IOP fiirst.

I'm being discharged Tuesday. I'm really scared. I don't feel okay. That's when the court hold ends and my therapst is back.

I still haven't been out of this ward in weeks.

I'm freaking out that my pdoc told me "no," I wasn't allowed to go out on the half hour smoke breaks ppl get. Yet I am being discharged Tuesday. How am I supposed to go straight from there to home? No half day passes or anything? It seems ridiculous to me.

Just hold tight and get out of that awful place first. Please be be firm with your regular t or pdoc that you need better outpatient support!!!

Ugh, can your therapist do anything to get your more help? Was your therapist away on vacation?

I need baby steps. I can't just LEAVE. How does that make any sense? It'ssetting me upfor failure. I need a day pass or 3 hour pass to remember how it feels in an insecure envirbment. Ativan kicking in,

Yes, she's back the day I'm released.

Unbelievable that you can't step outside when you are being sent home in a week. Can you be thinking about what kind of support would be helpful when you are discharged or is that too overwhelming?

Less than a week now. Tuesday morning. I'm getting really upset and worried. I knocked myself out and slept all day.

I'm in a day therapy program and my first appt in 6-7 weeks is the day I'm released. NormAlly there would be a group the day before but it's Labour Day.

He'd worried im going to hurt mysellf if he lets me go out for 15 mins but at this point... I'M BEING RELEASED TUESDAY. the best chance i have is to do it gradually like always. I have such a hrd time getting mad but right now my blood is boiling. He won't even explain why. Jusg keeps telling thr nurses he'll talk to me wben he gets time.

I wish theyd give me a 3 hour pass or even smoking provileges (15 mins -- i don't smoke but it's time off the ward). My court hold ends tuesday and im supposed to be discharged anyway. But im always afraid of hurting myself and the fact thT i wont have been out of the hospital in so long makes it worse

He doesn't want to let me out at all until Tuesday. This is not good for me. I'm freaking out. He just talked to me and it went circularly like this until he wAlked out:

Me: it's a lot easier to ease into it somehow. Little breaks then maybe a 3 hour pass before you discharge me.

Him: but I don't trust you. You almost killed yourself. Last year you bought razor blades on a pass.

Me: but I'm being discharged Tuesday anyway. I have a better chance of staying safe if I can practice first

Him: but you almost killed yourself. Your self-harm is out of control

Me: I know that, and it scares me too. But I'm being discharged Tuesday and the best chance I have is to get used to the real world again slowly.

Him: no. You can wait for the "real world" after discharge Tuesday. This conversation is over. *closes my door*

W.T.F?

How is just discharging me when I havent left the ward in a month going to be good for me? It's setting me up for failure. I'm really scared as it is. It wasn't my choice, I was there by court order, but I did attempt suicide more seroously than ever and I'm really scared.why make things worse for me?

I don't even overly want to go outside but I'm scared and this seems like the responsible way to prepare someone to leave.

Is



Enough of a reason to be scared or just more borderline ****? When it comes down to it, i didnt go any further than the OD.

That makes no sense at all!

So - what ARE your plans for Tuesday? What is the difference between three hours today, and three hours on Tuesday night? To me, it sounds like the only difference is who is in control, you or that doctor. But you are ALWAYS in control, even when you think you are being controlled.

Who is taking care of your dogs right now? Why cant something be done with them long term temporary so that you can go into a group home? Or dont you think a group living situation would be any safer?

Hugs and good luck. Im sorry you feel so badly.

I lived in a group home for 2 yrs of my life and it was the worst experience of my life.

And the 3 hours is to ease me into discharge. I would goback to the hospital after and talk about any urges that came up, etc.

Well i guess we will try to be on call here for you i think i would hate a group home too. Altho i liked living with people the times i did, i dont usually choose it.

Hey pink my post may sound grim and is not what I think of you. It's me speculating on why this dr is saying this

I believe he is afraid of the liability of you getting a pass and ended up severely damaging yourself or attempting sui. If he gave you a pass and you did those things it would come back on him. I think he wants to just hold u in there till you are discharged for this reason.

Might not be the truth but it's what I thought of first when reading about your conversation

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That could be true. But I almost think there would be more liability if they were to discharge someone too soon and then that person seriously harmed themselves.

If the doc doesn't feel comfortable giving you leave he shouldn't even be discharging you. It's a really crappy situation. Is there anyway they would let you stay if you agreed voluntarily once the hold ends? Or do you have to be discharged tuesday? Do they know how scared you are and how unsafe you still feel?

What would they do if you were like, "I need to stay. I won't be safe if I leave." Like if you told them you had a plan?

I know you were there on a hold, but could you stay if you chose to? Or is it a cost issue? (I know Canada has public healthcare, but wasn't sure how it worked in terms of mental health.)