still
:-)
saw him today (friday)
and he said he had a cancellation for monday morning if i would like to come in then
:-)
three more sleeps to therapy
:-)

he is being really great.
very gentle, still.
i do a good enough job of beating myself up so its nice that he refrains.
:-)
i kind of have gotten involved with someone.
talked about that last week.
lots of things were triggering for me
got a bit caught between past trauma
and good present
didn't know if things were okay or not okay
feeling better today
past %#@&#!
all my past %#@&#!

15 years age difference.
i said to t 'its too much, huh'
he was like 'er... i don't really think that i should say either way'
i wonder how much younger his wife is
lol
but he seems happy that i'm getting in touch with my human needs / desires
for affection
for comfort
for closeness
for companionship
he seems really stoked about that
and happy to be dealing with the things that are coming up / getting in the way for me, i guess.

he leaves soon (not t - other guy)
that will be kinda hard
i'll miss him
just trying to enjoy the present, though
get some practice enjoying the present
getting some nice experiences of a guy who is sensitive and respectful
remember that
remember that

i'm kinda happy

:-)

[pegasus]

Good to see you happy ((((((( alexandra k ))))))

I love my T too.

:-)

maybe my t is trying to make extra special sure he is there for me so i don't fall apart when the guy leaves. i've said over and over 'bout how scared i get that people are going to leave. that i'm scared to let people in because i'm scared i'll break into a million pieces when they leave. i'm kinda letting the guy in, though. kind of letting him in. i'll miss him when he goes. if he were staying around would i have got as involved with him though? maybe not. maybe not. definately not so fast (all but moved in lol). ambivalent about the prospects of a long term thing. enjoying the short term thing, though. not sure. get little twinges of concern / upset / panic. past stuff, i think. but sometimes i worry a little... not so sure.

t said something about it being... 99% my past %#@&#!? 100%??? I went with accepting the 100 estimate. but... i dunno. i dunno. enjoy it, huh. nice t is making time for me. incase things turn to custard. in case i turn to custard. t is there for me. yup. yup yup yup. i feel half in a dream... what am i doing??? tis okay alex_k. tis okay. er... isn't it?????

[pegasus]

I can understand you being apprehensive about this new relationship.

Just wanted to tell you that the age-gap can work. I married an older guy some 18 years ago, still together, it can and does work.

As for T, I have been with him over 5 years, feels like I have 2 men in my life! Different relationship of course, but very special!