What keeps you living?

They told me 5 years ago that I would likely always be suicidal. I am not now.

the fact that our kids would be left with no one

Air, water, food, sleep...

To stop living I would either have to die from an accident or illness. I could commit suicide, but I say I won't.

People have a built in will to live. Even when they suffer from severe depression and suicidal ideation, the will to live is amazingly strong. Did God put that in us? Have faith.

Scarlet, have you ever heard of acceptance and commitment therapy? ACT is all about defining your values and moving forward to create a rich and full life, despite the anxiety that is going to rise up. There's a lot online about it, but here's one article that explains it https://www.psychotherapy.net/articl...nt-Therapy-ACT

It's one of the approaches my therapist uses and I find it extremely helpful. Very forward thinking and non-authoritarian.

I would agree with the concerns about the fact that you're finishing with this therapist because of her two-year policy, rather than that you've actually reached a natural stopping place. It sounds like this therapist is limited in terms of how far she's willing to go with you, but that doesn't mean another therapist couldn't help you develop a richer and fuller life that maybe doesn't even seem possible to envision now.

I agree, I like ACT too and I usually hate what I call "acronym therapy."

I struggle and some days are better than others. I've learned towards personal goals brings more fulfillment. It helps me see the world differently and I feel different therefore I have somewhat of a different outlook. It helps me then give more of myself to others. I guess I feel as if I have more value. It's all psychological. My issue is setting goals and then not meeting them or unable to meet them due to circumstances or obstacles. That's when I hit a wall. Right now I'm focused on personal changes as well as career change in order to make the rest of my life more stress free. There's nothing that I can do about the past. I'm concentrating now on the present and what the future will hold. Easier said than done though. Then without my T there are pros and cons that I've come across this journey.

I don't think this is directed at me (I think my T's only specialization is playing Farmville when he's supposed to be returning phone calls) But I believe Scarlet sought out a T with experience in BPD--Is that right, Scarlet?

I'm glad you have prominent care providers, Pink. I hope everything goes okay for you when you're discharged next week.

PS: I'd not heard the Nicks song before. Beautiful, but a bummer.

I love Stevie Nicks. I think she feels deeply too. My favourite Stevie Nicks song is one she did as part of Fleetwood MAc called "Storms."

Lol @ Farmville

So I saw T yesterday and talked about some of this. She says I need to focus on the positives in my life and to remember that I do have brief moments of happiness. We also talked about having another T after her. She said she actually disagrees with my Pdoc and thinks I should get another T. She said maybe another T can get me further than she can and could provide a new perspective. But her advice is to only see the next T for a year. She really doesn't think long-term therapy is healthy for me anymore. She thinks having Ts over short periods is better for me, so I can practice healthy attachment and healthy losses. She said it will help with my abandonment issues which is an issue that affects every aspect of my life.

But I just realized something and am even more depressed. So there's 32 weeks left until April 15th (the 2 year mark). If we start going every other week, which we will soon, I will only see her for 16 more sessions. That's it. 16 more hours. That's all I have left with my T

My T does specialize in BPD and DBT. It's one of the reasons I chose her. The next one I might see if they do ACT. I have heard of it. Ex-T taught me a little, but she said I wasn't ready for the full thing? I even have a little pink elephant to remind me to always acknowledge it's presence and not ignore it.

My daughters, and my husband, even though our relationship is shaky at times

The idea of getting into relationships with a pre-arranged end date freaks me out. I don't think I would be able to become attached at all. Plus, it's a bit unnatural... Relationships in real life don't have clear expiration dates, so I'm not sure how this would accurately mirror the realistic process of loss. It just seems like torture.

But sometimes that is the reality. I've had two therapists where, due to moves, life changes, we knew rather well in advance they would end at a specific time. It didn't really change my ability to be open and continue to have effective sessions. It just meant I knew when our working relationship would end and I would have to move on.

Therapy can't mimic real life relationships simply because it's not like real life relationship ( which could last life time), it's designed to eventually end. I personally think it's better to know in advance and be prepared

It's not meant to mirror relationships in real life. It's meant to teach me that people can come and go in life and that doesn't mean all is lost, that they abandoned me, that I can't survive, etc.

What keeps me here? Sometimes it's the worry that whatever is "there" is worsel than the hell I go through "here!"

I live because I don't want to die! I want to see my grandchildren grow up and get married! I want to have an art show. I want to do a lot of things! I want to have another chance to be in a relationship.

i live for my sister, niece, and nephew

I live in the hope that I can build a life I feel is worth living.

I'm doing ACT with my T.