[QueenCopper]

I have been in therapy for about 2 months now. My therapist keeps reaching out to me but I am so afraid to reach back. We have discussed the need for me to be there and I have accepted the fact that yes I do need to be there. The problem is me. She asked me if I trust her. I trust a little. I have a HUGE issue with trust. I feel like a little kid, if I know she is going to try to pry things out of me I take a coloring book and talk and color the whole time I am there. At the end of the session she will ask me how I feel and cry. I am so embarrassed by what I have told her. I feel like I am failing because I cannot talk about the things that have happened to me without having a panic attack. Once I tried to talk about one of the incidents and had to use my inhaler twice so she thought maybe it was a good idea if we stopped. I take medicine too. I go back on Tuesday but I am afraid. I really feel like I am failing and I will never be better.

[BrazenApogee]

That's not failing. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself, and don't push. Let it happen in it's own time.

[atisketatasket]

Two months is nothing on the therapy timeline. You've only known this person 8-9 hours, after all. Don't think of it as failure - I'm not even sure it's possible to fail at therapy.

That's not failing at all. I agree with atat, I don't think it's possible to fail at therapy. And it does take time - two months is really not very long as far as therapy goes. I'm approaching 5 years with current t - and there's still stuff I struggle to talk about with her. It takes however long it takes, and everyone is different. Please don't feel like you're failing. It just takes time, and being gentle with ourselves, and going as slowly as we need to.

[Sarmas]

I agree with everyone here. That's not failing and be content that your therapist is so involved and seems caring. Take it one day at a time. theres no need to rush. Having a therapist as you've described is so great to help
You through the process.

[QueenCopper]

Thank you everyone. I am really trying but it is so hard. I never knew it could be this hard.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

[precaryous]

Don't rush it. Trust is huge and I used to give it away too liberally. After some bad experiences, I'm not so easily trusting these days. Trust can take years to build.
It's all good, you are doing just fine.

[Pennster]

Could you talk to your therapist about the sense that you are failing? I think sometimes when people are new to therapy it's particularly scary because you don't really feel like you know what you are "supposed to be" doing, and sometimes therapists don't realize how helpful it might be to explain that. I felt similarly when I first started therapy. It was hard, but it really is ok to take your time and sometimes it's a slow process.