[runlola72]

While my mother in law takes my husband and child to go see a musical out of state. They left at 9, won't be back till 7. Husband says we can celebrate then, by watching a movie. They were supposed to go to the show yesterday but plans changed, so I have known about it for a few days. I said that it was fine, but I think I pushed my anger about it really deep down and it has manifest in some pretty weird ways over the last few days, from feeling physically ill (why I'm in bed) to lashing out at my therapist and others.

I feel angry about my not being able to advocate for myself to ask that I have my family around today. It's like a major delayed emotional reaction, which is not uncommon for me. There have been other very similar situations over the course of my marriage especially, where I just feel unimportant. I'm so depressed I can hardly move and just keep hoping I'll die of a broken heart or something.

I emailed the facts to my therapist about it being my birthday, (did not mention anniversary), and that I would be alone, and that I think I was feeling anger about that bubbling up which is why I wrote him a few harsh emails yesterday. His response was "many happy returns!" With a cake emoji . I feel incredibly invisible and just so unloved.

I'm so sorry this is such a depressing post on the heels of my other depressing post. I just need some sympathetic ears and knew I'd find them here.

Sorry you are on your own for your birthday. How about doing something for yourself today?

[Pennster]

Oh dear! I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now!

I know you are sick, but do you think you might be able to do something nice for yourself? A bubble bath and a funny movie perhaps? Or if you feel at all like you can get out of the house maybe bring yourself to a park for a half hour? That often makes me feel better. Do you have a pal or a relative you could ring perhaps?

I am sorry the day is so tough! I hope a little bright spot will appear for you somehow!

That stinks. At least you realize how much it bothers you.
I've been married longer than you. Have never had dual significant events on the same day. Double whammy. But multiple times events have only been acknowledged with words in the morning and a card made via printing out an online card! What as helped me is that I no longer jump through hoops buying presents, etc. Though I still cook. For a long time I was bothered because I felt like I did so much more. No longer. I don't worry about it anymore.
And my husband just simple adores his mother. Yours is probably the same way. It is helpful for me that lately, I've learned to love her more as well. But I know the mother in law thing is not always easy.

[SoConfused623]

oh no! so sorry to hear that! I really feel for you as I'd be very distraught if that happened to me! Try to muster a little energy and do something for yourself...Maybe a massage? mani/pedi? Happy Birthday Lola! xoxo

[Yours_Truly]

Happy Birthday runlola!

[Argonautomobile]

Happy Birthday! I agree with Pennster that you should do something nice for yourself while the family is out. Hope things improve.

[runlola72]

Thanks for the nice words. I'm sick so won't be going out. I guess showering counts as something nice, so I'll probably do that. I appreciate the nice posts

[guilloche]

Oh no! I'm sorry that you're sick AND alone on your birthday. That's not fair!

I know it's not perfect, but I think there's a (sort of) solution. You need a birthday do-over. Being too sick to leave the house qualifies for a birthday do-over all on it's own, but to have your family gone for the whole day too. Heck, you *deserve* to have TWO birthday do-overs this year!

Do you think your family would be up for picking a day to celebrate in a few weeks, once you've recovered? Maybe you and your husband could find something fun that you'd like to see/do (a show, a museum, a sporting event, a festival, a hike, a quiet picnic by a lake... whatever makes you happy!). He should take care of all the details (i.e. getting tickets, getting you guys there). And, there should probably be a nice meal (whether he cooks or takes you out!) with cake (and/or wine, ice cream, chocolate... depending on your tastes!)

Missing your birthday, and being sick, are still not fun. *hugs* I wish somebody had thought to bring you a big gift basket of nice things for when you're sick, or some soup. But, maybe you can still celebrate and have fun when you're feeling better?

Feel better soon, and hope you can get some rest today.

And... Happy Birthday!

[growlycat]

Your husband owes you big time. Hope you let him know that Hugs and ride out this one for a better day!!

[divine1966]

Oh ho I hope you feel better soon. Your hubs got to do something nice for you when he is back

[Lauliza]

I second the suggestion of a birthday do over. I know people who have birthday weekends, never mind just one day. And given this is your anniversary too, I think your husband should not be let off the hook. I've been like you in the past where these things happen and I had delayed emotional reactions and would get mad after the fact. This is rarely an effective way to handle things and I've learned how to advocate for myself more. So even if I don't feel angry he says or does something wrong, I still try to at least let H know he screwed up. That way he knows right away and it's (sometimes) on his radar to correct the situation. This was a very big screw up on his part so let him suffer a little. I hope you are feeling better soon so you can do something for yourself.