[OliverB]

+Having born in a dysfunctional family that isolated me.
+Changing school every yeares.
+Having gore nightmares at 5.
+Developing psychotics symptoms at 9.
+Moving to another conutry.
+Never having a 'school friend' or 'childhood friend'.
+Moving again to another country.
+Spend all weekends and vacation locked in a bathroom with coffee, cereals and a computer.
+Moving again to another country.
+Going to a day hospital as a teen and don't fit there so you are discharged.
+Returning to high school without, again, making any friend.
+Finish high school without friends.
+Moving 5000km away from your dysfunctional family.
+Entering college to be given some money to live since it's not possible to work.
+You try to kill yourself because you believe you are going homeless -you are not, you are just depressed-
+Being sent to a day hospital you don't like, never participate on activities, hate the psychologist and don't talk to her, only talks to the psychiatrist.
+Stop going to the day hospital three months ago.
+Taking 300mg of dextrometorphan to get high, on august.
+Phone them on Friday 9th because you are dying because of anxiety caused by entities.
+Be given an appointment to next friday.

Meanwhile you are diagnosed with asperger, high functioning autism, bipolar, panic disorder, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, pddnos, schizotypal, psychosis nos, pddnos with psychosis, ...

You apply for disability and you are considered moderately to severe disable at 20.

How the hell can I be helped?
How the hell someone would like me and have a partner?

The only things I have is a half-friends that likes my possitve crazyness but doesn't know the bad part of it.

I am broken since born.

[Victoria'smom]

I would get re-evaluated first and forget all the other dx's. Join community classes based on your interests and hobbies. volunteer somewhere. get therapy and psychiatry and fill your days. You'll meet people.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would get re-evaluated first and forget all the other dx's. Join community classes based on your interests and hobbies. volunteer somewhere. get therapy and psychiatry and fill your days. You'll meet people.

I start going to a day hospital on friday I left 3 months ago because It wasn't helping.

I don't have money to pay for anything.

[Waterbear]

Maybe you won't become who you want to be, but maybe you can become happier with who and how you are. I know I want to be able to talk freely about my emotions and to be able to talk in company with another human being normally about deeper things. I want to have friends, close friends. I want to let my H get to know me and to confide in him after 12 years and want to really talk to my family about the past, present and future etc etc, but I don't know if I will ever be able to. All I can do is give myself the best possible chance. I haven't been able to do this on my own for 30 odd years so maybe I can with someone's help. Practising this in a safe space, with someone used to dealing with people with communication problems, who is looking out for me and my wellbeing. Someone with patience as I learn and struggle. That said, I may never be able to learn. I may just be this way but this process will hopefully help me to accept myself if that is the case.

[kecanoe]

I think it would be helpful to ignore all of those diagnoses, how can they all be correct? And returning to treatment may help with the friends. What about doing something like walking dogs for the dog pound, or reading mail in a nursing home or something like that which would be free and maybe help you meet with people who like some of the same things.

I know that volunteering won't fix your problems and I do not wish to insult you by implying that. Recovery is hard. But if you currently want relationships, maybe volunteering would help with that piece.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I think it would be helpful to ignore all of those diagnoses, how can they all be correct? And returning to treatment may help with the friends. What about doing something like walking dogs for the dog pound, or reading mail in a nursing home or something like that which would be free and maybe help you meet with people who like some of the same things.

Normally I ignore them, but it means psychiatrist are... a bit *****. If they don't know what it happens they could write nothing, here it's not necessary a diagnosis for an insurace.
We don't have anything like that here. and I am moderetly socially disable, that's why I go to the day hospital, but I don't 'fit' even there...

Originally Posted by kecanoe

I know that volunteering won't fix your problems and I do not wish to insult you by implying that. Recovery is hard. But if you currently want relationships, maybe volunteering would help with that piece.

I volunteered at a dog shelter but it was disorganized and chaotic. But I would like to temporally adopt a guinea pig util it finds a permanent family, actually I adopted a ferret

[CantExplain]

These are big issues and I don't see any easy answers.

It's hard for most people to understand that you can't make friends, because it comes naturally to them.

If it doesn't come naturally, then you'll need to be taught some skills. And I do mean taught. You'll have to learn it like at school, like chemistry or a foreign language. It won't make sense straight away and you'll have to study.

I recommend Before You Leap by Kermit the Frog (yes, really). This is part autobiography, part self-help book and part just for laughs. But you might find chapter 13 on friendship is genuinely useful.

By the way, the suggestion that you start with animals is actually a pretty good idea.

[growlycat]

All is not lost. You have a lot to deal with but things can improve just not all at once. I hope you are in good therapy and have a good pdoc. They should help you break down your concerns into manageable steps.

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

These are big issues and I don't see any easy answers.

It's hard for most people to understand that you can't make friends, because it comes naturally to them.

If it doesn't come naturally, then you'll need to be taught some skills. And I do mean taught. You'll have to learn it like at school, like chemistry or a foreign language. It won't make sense straight away and you'll have to study.

I recommend Before You Leap by Kermit the Frog (yes, really). This is part autobiography, part self-help book and part just for laughs. But you might find chapter 13 on friendship is genuinely useful.

By the way, the suggestion that you start with animals is actually a pretty good idea.

Thank you, when I can afford it I will buy it.

But I am in a really bad situation, even at the day hospital they don't know how 'integrate' me, and they are specialized on working with young people with severe mental illness. I see other patient sat together and talking without any problem...

[Demunie]

This sounds awful and I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Maybe look at it like this: What if the other patiens were in the same spot as you, and are just further in their way to recovery?

Talking can be awfully hard. You were already able to tell us on PC your story. That's one of the first steps and shows, that you can do it. Have you tried finding friends (or someone you can talk to) online? E.g you can always post here or message me if you want.

[here today]

I can identify with your situation even though externally mine might not be as bad. But awful is awful. PM me if you like. I'm old and may finally be doing some better. I think finding people who can accept you as you are is key, but I've found that extremely hard to do. Be glad to give you some pointers if you think that may help. Might not, but I understand your struggle.

[OliverB]

I was sexually abused and psychically too, and emotional, and neglect. I have no family, for what I know, most of other patients have family, at least one that support them, that's why my case is so difficult, I am not functional and I have no one to help me and doctors cant' do more. I am lie down in my bed and don't move until dying nobody would notice it until it would be too lateer. actually once I took 300mg of dextromethorphan and couldn't move for 5 hours, I hade extremely severe dissociation and psychosis, I was on another World, and I had some mild serotoninergic syndrome.

[here today]

I get a little support from an in-person support group. A little feeling of belonging but not enough to really sustain me and most of the other folks are not real functional either! Not surprisingly.

I've found some emotional support here on PC. Lots of variety of different opinions including folks who don't seem so dysfunctional as the people -- whom I love -- in my support group, most of whom had dysfunctional families, too. That helps, as I try to become more functional myself.

Please keep on trying. I can believe that it's very hard. I understand what the doctors are saying and yet -- it's a deficit in the system for more people than they realize, maybe. Even if yours is exceptionally difficult.

Sounds like your mind is working pretty OK, though. That's a toughy for me sometimes because when I get to feeling too bad or anxious it certainly affects my mental state.

But the main cause of distress, for me, is the loneliness and alienation. And shyness, awkwardness, extreme hypervigilance and social anxiety even though I do go places.

I was luckily married for 24 years to a somewhat similarly geeky guy, but he died. And it's been lones-ville ever since.

So finding a partner may not be so impossible. It's difficult for most young people, just especially difficult for you, I'm sure. But it may not be impossible.

[OliverB]

My mind works Ok because I am taking clonazepam and entities dont' control me or convince me or anything like that. I am thinking on taking 0,5mg of clonazepam before going therapy on friday.

Today I took 6mg because I was heavly homicidal because of entities. I can't stop playing with my fidget toy. I still feel too much toughts
and entities and even if I feel confused I don't sound confused, and yeah, I took 6mg of it, I don't have tolerance, I was given it last friday. Well, it's clonazepam, entities are mostly sleeply with it.

Probably I would end up killing myself or someone because of entities and nobody would know how it happened because I always sounds coherennt.