When therapy hurts

Yes both observations are correct and you have a very good memory Out There! My t is very different from other ts and it was that very thing about her that has kept me with her. Her boundaries are not as strict as other ts and she is open Tito trying new things and she shares a lot about her or. Experiences. These are the very things that other ts see as red flags and that people here have pointed out as red flags. My t is a loose cannon at times. I rang a few ts today but none of whom j liked. I need to get a break from therapy altogether I think.

"The thing about looking at someone through rose colored glasses is, all the red flags? Just look like flags"

I suspect by now you know how T will react and yet you cannot help but pay for services from her. I wish you well and the ability to safely move on.

She sounds unethical and untrained. I would find someone else immediately. You are paying her for a service........which is substandard

The trouble with this style of Gestalt is that you have to be secure and have good ego strength to be challenged and confronted on everything. Vulnerable clients could not tolerate this and what t doesn't realise is that I am vulnerable too.


Yes she could have tried harder and done better!


Thank you Janetennison

I'm far from an authority, but I understand that Gestalt was one of those startling modalities that now is considered far from the mainstream. I doubt there are many people who improve in response to verbal pummeling. Also I wonder how many of these practitioners tell you what they're doing and why.

But does how does she respond when you don't like what she does? Does it look like a deliberate technique, or just someone being thoughtless? (Mine didn't like any assertiveness from me and no doubt was the latter.)

I don't think it matters who you are or what you bring if the provider or the modality doesn't work for you. The therapist is supposed to be keeping tabs on what helps, what hurts. It's not your fault.

If you chose to read it, a critical essay on Perls and Gestalt therapy albeit written by an equally controversial figure.
Grand Delusions - Chapter 12

I'm not sure if challenging is the right word. I would feel awful as well. Sometimes I question approaches used in the profession and how effective they really are.

Why would you want to feel special to this person who is being emotionally abusive under the guise of therapy? I have had similar dynamics with non-therapists and all I ended up doing was being congratulated for taking a lot of s**t from them and pretending it was my own. That wasn't growth. It was a form of self-abuse.

No matter what theory she utilizes in her practice, this therapist seems terribly manipulating, a bully, and clearly has issues of her own. I'm SO glad that you will be looking into a new therapist Mona.. this lady is doing you a disservice and probably needs to get some intensive counseling. I hope that you will locate a caring and competent therapist 😊😊

It is abuse I have been paying her to abuse me. I read a list today about bad therapists and I really felt sick because I realised that she has been very abusive for a long time and I paid her and allowed it. I feel physically sick thinking about it. I wanted to report her but then I didn't because there are more things she did wrong but there are a few she did really well.
It looks like I will be going to see a tutor to process all of this. She was my favourite tutor and I trust her. She could hold anything I brought and never judge me, her kindness is really something special.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I also paid someone to abuse me without knowing it. I needed help, like you ,and all I got were people abusing me, abusing my friendship, abusing my loyalty......Frankly, it's the pits. Therapy was not worth this.

That's great Mona , It's important to look after you.

I am so so glad you are not going back to her. Good for you. Just want to point out that abusers are generally never all awful...that is the hard part for people, because there are aspects of them that are kind and generous. That is the cycle of abuse, which I am sure you know.

I always feel so bad for you when I read your posts, mona. I am glad that you are finally going to leave your T though I understand that it was a difficult decision. Can the tutor you like be your T? I've never understood exactly what a tutor is. Do you mean a teacher? In the US, a tutor is someone who teaches someone privately, often because they need more help than the teacher gives, but I know that's not your meaning of tutor. My sincerest wish is that you find the right T for you. Lots of hugs!!

Mona, my most painful realization is not only did I "allow" my co-therapists to abuse me, I handed them the weapon. That said, I learned some important life changing lessons about better seeing people for who they are, rather than what I want them to be. As angry as I've been at them, I've had to forgive myself for not being more self-protective. I'm sure every human being has been fooled sometime in life by someone with an act.

I'm glad you are able to see the truth in what has happened to you, painful as it might be. I do hope the truth shall set you free. Remember NONE of this is your fault. This woman has too many of her own devastating burdens that she has choosen to let Consume her which made her vicious and cold hearted.

Are you able to terminate with this t now? You may feel differently about reporting her after you terminate and have had time to process the severity of the abuse. She sounds dangerous to all who may unsuspectingly have the unfortunate experience of crossing her path. Hugs to you, if you want them.

Rainbow tutor is a teacher here but it is more used for after high school like in college or universities!
I think my tutor can be my t she is a psychodynamic art therapist and I absolutely love her! I would love to work with her because she is so very gentle and accepting, the opposite of my t. I am waiting to hear back from her. What really annoys me about this whole situation is I really expressed how hurt I was to my t and was painfully honest with her, I was crying and very upset leaving her at our last session and she didn't even care, she hasn't contacted me or made sure it was safe to leave and at one stage she asked me if I wasn't going to talk to her would I like to leave. It really hurt to know I actually mean nothing to her. ThT she has just used me to meet her own needs, to disclose her own problems and to ask me to do her favours. I never said anything her but last Christmas I got her a book, it was a really special book that I thought meant something to our relationship. At college two weeks later I seen one of my colleagues another trainee t with the same book. I said of that's a really great book she said yeah I got it off ( my t ) for Christmas. I felt so betrayed and hurt . My t does not care about me .

Mona I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really really hope your tutor gets back to you and is able to work with you to fix some of the damage that has been done.

I can't believe your T did that with the book. I would be devastated. Did your T know you knew this colleague?

Just read through this thread Mona, I'm so glad to hear you are seeking a competent therapist.

Yeah she knew and she knew that we are in the same training. My t is good friends with my colleague and knew we would be going away on a training together after Christmas. We were both embarrassed by the situation.
I still can't believe that it's happened like this and I have heard nothing from t, I really thought she would apologise or arrange to see me and sort this out but nothing. I know I shouldn't expect anything from her but I really thought it would be different this time.

I am glad you are finding the courage to get away from her MLS.
Do you think the term 'gaslighting' might apply here? Gaslighting: The Mind Game Everyone should Know About. | elephant journal

I can't believe she would do such a thing. Even more so knowing you are colleagues with this person. It's like she's playing mind games and trying to upset you on purpose. Did you talk to her about the book?
Have you managed to speak with your tutor yet?
I don't care much for this T, she sounds horrendous.

ETA: the fact she hasn't got in touch says it all to me. It sounds like she is only professional and ethical when it suits her. I bet you've learned a lot about how to not treat clients from this T.

I can see sometimes that she did gas light me but I don't think it was intentional. I have been gaslighted a lot on my life, I recognise times when she said something and then tried to deny it or say it in a different way to make me look like I was being negative or contrary.
I think I know that there has been a cycle of abuse here with my t but I am not ready to accept it just yet. Often I wondered how she could be so cruel to me but I let her.

I never talked to her about the book, I guess I was afraid of her reaction. I think my friend/ colleague was more upset than I was but it did hurt. It was like she wanted me to see that she didn't like it and gave it away. I do feel she can be cruel and obnoxious towards me. In the text I sent her, I asked her why she finds it so hard to be kind and supportive to me and why does she find it so hard to support me, why is it easier to be negative and spiteful towards me! I think she will deny all of the above but I know what happened and she can deny it to herself but not to me.
I haven't spoke to my tutor because I need a break from therapy.
I am not sure I can see anymore therapists.

I can believe she behaved this way because this is consistently who she is. Trust her when she shows you how she will treat you. It's not a good situation and you may need some assistance in getting out. You are not to blame for this, you do not "let her" treat you badly, I think you are just trying to fix things somehow. I have been trapped in abusive cycles before and it is very tough to even want to get out. I'm glad you can get this other help. You are worth better therapy.

That's the only thing she has been consultant with is how she treats me so I know she will never change and everytime we have a rupture it's because I can't take this treatment anymore and I ask her to be kinder, gentler etc.....
That's not going to change but I keep trying, I keep going back, I keep asking her for more.