[retro_chic]

So I've actually been feeling a lot better for the past 4 weeks or so; I think my medication increase is actually working. All that sounds great right? I guess it is but at the same time I don't feel like myself. I'm also worried that T will get bored of me and terminate me if I'm doing well. I know it doesn't make any sense but I still think about it. I feel as though my depression and anxiety have become part of my identity and part of me isn't ready to give that up and a part of me kind of wants T to be concerned about me. I realise how messed up that sounds.

Also, I still feel really guilty about facebook stalking my T. I've already written a post about this but for those who didn't read it, I went to great lengths to find my T's facebook profile. My T practices under her maiden name but uses her married name on facebook so I know she would be extremely creeped out if I told her I found her and her husband on FB. My T is on leave this week and after checking her FB, I saw that she had changed her profile picture to one of her and her husband on a cruise. I feel bad that I know this but I'm scared T would hate me forever and terminate me if I told her. I don't know what to do. As a psychodynamic T I know that she wants me to know as little about her as possible but I actually know quite a lot about her. I was thinking of just asking T what would be the reasons she would terminate someone just to see if this would be an issue but I'm scared to ask.

[MobiusPsyche]

I think she's unlikely to terminate just because you're doing better, which for me was "no longer crippled by depression." I wasn't as bad as I used to be, for sure, but there were still a lot of things for us to work on. I think asking reasons why she would terminate is an excellent way to go. I had that conversation two or three times with my T in the first year before I finally believed her.

[therapyishelping777]

I've asked that question retro.. when I was afraid my psychodynamic was going to terminate /fire me.. real fear of rejection .. He really reassured me in his answer and said he doubted I could do something that would cause him to.. something like that. He super reassured me and it helped to ask

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T is psychodynamic and I've "researched" her. I don't know when I admitted it to her, but it must have been pretty early on. We talked about it a little yesterday. We talked about if the looking at her pictures on fb and "researching" her felt violating to her (I asked). She told me she has other clients who look at her pictures though it is not the norm. She said she understands why I do it and doesn't mind. She did give me a talk about stalking though.

So maybe your T might be understanding too?

On the other hand, I do understand your fear. I also "researched" my Pdoc. She works under her madien name. It took awhile of looking to find out her married name. Once I did, I found her fb. She would be pissed if she knew that I found her. I really fear she would terminate me. She is so closed-booked. I didn't even learn she was married and had kids until she became pregnant!

So I do understand.

[kecanoe]

If it helps any, I have been improving since January (after 6 years of crippling depression) None of my Ts has suggested we terminate. In fact I am going to initiate termination with one because I actually want to! In my experience, ts are delighted to know that clients are improving but they know very well that the start of improvement doesn't mean that clients are done. I would talk to t about this in general terms if necessary, asking who initiates termination, is there a process, how you know it's time.
As far as FB, there is a way to keep all your stuff private. IMO anyone who has a FB is putting the info out there for the world to see. In the olden days of phone books, a person could opt to have an unlisted number. If they didn't do that, then they were making their phone number and address available to whoever cared to look. I think FB is the same. I do not think that googling or looking up on FB needs to be disclosed nor do I think ts should get upset about it. That said, if you feel bad about it, stop doing it and plan to tell t that you did it in a year so they know that you are not going to start stalking.

[retro_chic]

Thank you everyone for your replies - I really appreciate it!

I think I am going to have to talk to my T about my fear of termination and all that stuff. I have spoken to her about it a little bit before but I have never asked her what her reasons would be for terminating a client. I don't think I'm ready to discuss the whole FB thing. Maybe sometime in the future or maybe not. I'm trying really hard to stop looking at her FB profile but it's hard and I haven't been very successful so far.