[SarahSweden]

I´ve seen my T for more than half a year now and although the sessions go well, I feel uplifted by them I don´t feel better. I have the PDD NOS diagnosis, I got that a year ago but had never myself suspected such a diagnosis and in the diagnosis papers they don´t specify my actual difficulties.

I have studied on university and also worked without problem, I didn´t need assistance. Now I also got depression and anxiety but I have though managed to study, to be at school, work with others in groups. I have a couple of friends I sometimes see but I often feel lonely.

My T sees me as insightful and we talk about deeper issues but although all of this I don´t feel better. I have tried antidepressants but they don´t help. I just keep feeling bad, lonely, tired, I don´t see how I can get a life worth living with a job, a relationship and so on. It´s not just because of depression I feel like this, several days I even don´t feel depressed.

I don´t want to be too open about this to my T, that I feel bad even after many months of therapy as my T works within public health care where everything is about economy and "choosing" patients to treat.

Anyone who has felt like this or have any advice?

[MickeyCheeky]

I feel almost exactly like this, and I understand what you mean so you're not alone in this.
I'm not very good at giving advice, so I'll tell you what I decided to do instead: change therapist. If it doesn't work after 6 months then it's probably just not a good match - especially if you yourself can't be too open with him. It's not anyone's fault, sometimes it just goes like this.
Unfortunately I'm still looking for the next one, so I can't tell you if it worked or not. But this is what I'd do in your place, anyway - make your own decision

And don't give up

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. That´s not what I mean I´m afraid, that I´m thinking of switching therapist. As the PDD NOS isn´t treatable in that sense you don´t have the diagnosis more it won´t be helpful switching therapists, the T I have at the moment is the only way in to some kind of mental health care.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I feel almost exactly like this, and I understand what you mean so you're not alone in this.
I'm not very good at giving advice, so I'll tell you what I decided to do instead: change therapist. If it doesn't work after 6 months then it's probably just not a good match - especially if you yourself can't be too open with him. It's not anyone's fault, sometimes it just goes like this.
Unfortunately I'm still looking for the next one, so I can't tell you if it worked or not. But this is what I'd do in your place, anyway - make your own decision

And don't give up

[MickeyCheeky]

Oh i'm sorry, I'm guilty of ignorance about PDD NOS.

Well, in that case is more complicated, yeah. The only thing that comes to my mind is to try to talk with T about this. I know you mentioned that you don't want to talk about it.. but that's the only advice I have right now. I wish I had a better one..

[SarahSweden]

I can talk to my T about this but not connected to the therapy itself as if they get the notion that I feel therapy isn´t working as I want it to they may start wanting me to go somewhere else. Also, I don´t think the fault lies within how the therapy is conducted but more about how my life is and that it´s hard to solve everything that is connected. For example I don´t have the strength to work full time and even if I would want to work (which one of my goal is) I don´t have the faith in myself to look for a job.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Oh i'm sorry, I'm guilty of ignorance about PDD NOS.

Well, in that case is more complicated, yeah. The only thing that comes to my mind is to try to talk with T about this. I know you mentioned that you don't want to talk about it.. but that's the only advice I have right now. I wish I had a better one..

[-jimi-]

Maybe get a psychologist that specializes in autism? You say PDD is not curable, but you can still work with your issues and get better!

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. My t works with patients who have more "severe" forms of autism and she has also given therapy to several clients with the diagnosis that was former called Aspergers. The hard thing is to know what´s what, I mean what is my depression, what is anxiety, what depends on the PDD and so on. It´s almost impossible to identify all factors and then find a cure or certain steps ahead.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Maybe get a psychologist that specializes in autism? You say PDD is not curable, but you can still work with your issues and get better!

[phaset]

I wish that my symptoms could be identified and categorized, but they can't. I find that little changes can add up and make others easier, and that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Work on "small talk" would be very helpful to achieving the goals of working and finding friends.

Do you trust her to do what is right for you?

[runlola72]

I can relate. I have no diagnosis but suspect on the spectrum. My daughter was dx with Aspergers 10 years ago and is just like me, and my dad is the quintessential Aspie. For me, I have yet to find an anti-depressant that relieves the deep existential grief I feel, and the residual trauma from childhood. I am also quite lonely and despite being smart I just don't fit anywhere. I feel intuitively that self-acceptance and self-love needs to be the answer, but they are such foreign concepts for a person who has spent their whole life beating themselves up for being a weirdo. Being high-functioning is hard because it's so invisible, and you just end up feeling like an alien. No advice, but I wanted to say that I understand some of what you are going through.

[phaset]

Wow runlola, well said.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, I agree that changes are often small and you have to be patient to find out what works or not. As my T has worked with a lot of different clients, also on the spectrum, I more or less trust her that she does what´s right for me. I absolutely don´t think she does anything to make me feel worse but at though I sometimes feel it´s more like an ordinary chat than therapy.

But I think that has to do with that she doesn´t want to put pressure on me as several other things in my life are pressuring me. She has also said that as therapy is within psychiatric care (although no inpatients) she also thinks therapy can´t be as demanding as if I saw her at a private practice where patients generally have less severe diagnoses.

Originally Posted by phaset

I wish that my symptoms could be identified and categorized, but they can't. I find that little changes can add up and make others easier, and that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Work on "small talk" would be very helpful to achieving the goals of working and finding friends.

Do you trust her to do what is right for you?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for sharing. I agree it´s hard to know what´s what and to find a medication that suits you. Have you tried therapy? I think that self love and self acceptance is something you can be better at if you find the right therapist who supports you and help you understand what you have went through and why. For me, therapy is both rewarding and sometimes a bit draining and I also become a bit worried sometimes that no actual changes will be made. But I´m not sure about that, if it´s me who feels that way, if it just takes longer or if therapy isn´t effective enough.

Originally Posted by runlola72

I can relate. I have no diagnosis but suspect on the spectrum. My daughter was dx with Aspergers 10 years ago and is just like me, and my dad is the quintessential Aspie. For me, I have yet to find an anti-depressant that relieves the deep existential grief I feel, and the residual trauma from childhood. I am also quite lonely and despite being smart I just don't fit anywhere. I feel intuitively that self-acceptance and self-love needs to be the answer, but they are such foreign concepts for a person who has spent their whole life beating themselves up for being a weirdo. Being high-functioning is hard because it's so invisible, and you just end up feeling like an alien. No advice, but I wanted to say that I understand some of what you are going through.