Has anyone here "shared" a therapist with a family member but NOT been in therapy together..
Like mom goes to therapist, adult son goes to same therapist.

Their therapy is completely separate..

And how would you feel if it was your therapist first.. and you asked him to take on your son.. because you were worried about him..

opinions even would be appreciated...

Thank you

personally.. that would be a bad idea i think. i would be surprised that a T would do that. i mean, they are human and they can't help but form opinions and ideas... keeping everything completely separate would be a lot to expect. i know one pdoc who won't even see people who even know each other.

the other side of it is that the two clients would also form opinions and would be at risk of having feelings toward each other end up in conflict. If the connection to the T is solid thre might even be feelings of competition or jealousy.

i don't know though... would there be a good reason why they would both see the same T?

[allthegirls6]

I couldnt do it. I just couldnt do it.

yes, my son and I saw the same psychologist but for individual sessions and reasons.

It went fine. he liked treating family members and never ever discussed or divulged anything without first asking permission and never pressing for permission. if he got a 'no' that was okay with him.

confused,,,, for my son I would give up my T... cause I love my son more than me...

And I want my son to have the best and this T truly is the best.. in the business.. believe me....

my son put me thru hell and back and then in hell and back this week...

Actually where he is concerned.. I am still in Hell..

Even with knock out drugs, I can't relax enough to sleep..

I wouldn't share my T, and my T is against the idea as well. It was out of the question when my cousin and my roommate wanted to see her as a therapist, and I like it that way.

Is difficult..

Am going to give my T to my son... he needs to have the best care.. and there is no one else that I trust with my son..

my son has seem my T once and has agreed to go into therapy with him..

It is best.. my son very much needs the help..

[sunrise]

My therapist does this frequently. He is a family therapist and trained in family systems therapy. Not all therapeutic approaches can accommodate seeing multiple members of the same family simultaneously. I would not attempt this with a therapist unless he was trained in this modality and thought it was a good idea for your specific family.

I saw my therapist individually for 7 months. Then we added my husband and I saw him simultaneously in couples therapy and individually. My husband was invited several times to see T individually if he needed to, but has not done this, so far. From the start of individual therapy with my T, he would mention occasionally that he sees couples and I knew without a doubt that I would never do that with him. But as I got to know T better and progressed further on my healing journey and we developed such a fantastic, trusting therapeutic relationship, I changed my mind on this and it became possible for my husband to join us. T did warn me several times of the dangers to our own relationship and therapy, and we discussed these quite a bit. But I had entered a space of profound trust for my T and felt our bond could withstand anything. Now I am done with couples therapy and everything was fine. I was never jealous of my T. Our bond was not damaged. We are closer then ever. T did tell me that getting to know my husband made him understand me so much better. Now he has a deep knowledge of the issues in our marriage that he could not get only by talking to me. T often sees multiple members of a family, including parents and their older children, both together and individually. (He does not work with really young kids.) He is a family therapist and specializes in this.

I would say you need to know yourself and whether this approach would work for you. You need to have a really strong bond with your T and not be insecure about "losing" him to your other family member that enters therapy. Your T needs to be trained and comfortable with this approach also. If these conditions do not apply, then ask your T for a referral to a good therapist who he thinks would be a good fit for your family member. My youngest daughter is in therapy and I got the referral from my T. (He doesn't see young adolescents for individual, extended therapy, and that was what she needed.)

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Am going to give my T to my son... he needs to have the best care.. and there is no one else that I trust with my son..

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Why not both see him? Is your T against it? Or are you against it? Please discuss it with your T and see if he is trained to see 2 members of the same family.

My 1st therapist was my mother's therapist. But I started therapy with her after my mother terminated. The thing was, most of my issues at that time revolved around my mother. So my therapist understood a whole lot because she knew my mom. But in retrospect I think it was a terrible idea. I believe in the therapist having a clean slate with the patient. I would avoid sharing therapists knowing what I know now... even if it is at two completely different times.

[MissCharlotte]

Well, this is interesting.

My T was my son's T 6 years ago. My son saw him for about 3 months in high school, and hasn't seen him since. When I was looking for a T--I asked my other son's T for a referral and he gave me T's name, I said, "Oh I know him....

I don't think the fact that he saw my other son affected my relationship with him, but he wasn't his T for very long. Now, my older son asked if he could see my T and I said, no that wouldn't be appropriate. He has a very good T of his own.

I believe in my life, I have a very long history of taking care of other people.. since childhood with a very ill mom..
I don't believe in my lifetime that I have ever had anything that was just for "me".

My thought is that this T is very special to me.. but I want my son to have the best.. I know he will bond with my T...

But tis too much for my "heart" to have to share the one thing in life that is just for "me".

So, it for me is impossible...

is there no possibility of another T for your son? i mean, you feel your T is the best... but he might just be the best for you... doesn't mean he is the best in the world or the best for your son necessarily. Maybe he is maybe he isn't. But why torture yourself? why not have separate therapists?

[Lemon]

I agree. Could you try asking your T for a referal? A good T will have a network of people they know and can recommend.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
freewill said:
But tis too much for my "heart" to have to share the one thing in life that is just for "me".

So, it for me is impossible...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I understand why you can't share.

[lauren_helene]

Yes this is interesting because my husband joined me for couples counseling with my T almost a year into the therapy. Of course, it was my idea to bring my husband into it.

There were some issues though for me but I think it was because we were in the middle of heavy transference stuff at the time. Lately, I had my brother and now my mom is coming once too in August.

My mom has recently gotten her own therapist and is now starting to admit her role in my issues. Miracle of all miracles! So, I agreed to give her one shot in my session. T and I talked about it and he said that if my fear is that he would believe any 'agenda' that she may have towards me in session, he won't.

But since she said she wanted to try then why not he said. This has been hugely helpful for me to bring in the various family members that have caused me pain. It helps both he and I figure stuff out.

I trust my T though much more now than before. I do hope though that my mom continues with her therapy, this could have a great ending for us if she does.

Great topic!

[sidony]

I would never be able to share my therapist myself. But if your T is okay with seeing 2 members of a family, then why not try it? But don't give away something that you want all to yourself. There are plenty of good therapists. Remember that while you're saying your T is the best, I'm sitting here thinking "No, my T is the best." You can still provide your son what he needs without taking away from yourself. But the best bet is to talk it all over with T and get his opinion.

Sidony

[Gracey]

My best friend and I once shared a T. The only problem was, he would often call her by my name. . .which wasn't that unusual b/c our names were similar and she HAD come to therapy with me (as a support) before. But it devastated her. Understandable.

There are pros and cons to this type of relationship. Weigh your options, make sure the pros outweigh the cons.

The only way that I can go is to insure that my son has this therapist.. I've thought it over and my son likes this person.. so that is that.. getting my son to go was difficult enough..
I love my son.

[Gracey]

Then it sounds like your pros definitely outweigh the cons.

Out of curiosity. . .will you seek therapy elsewhere?

I can't.... this T deals with DID... tis by the "grace of God" that I found him....

[dalila]

<font color="green">Personally I would share the therapist, I already share mine with my dd. As it happens she started working with dd first in Attachment Therapy, that tends to involve the parents if it is going to work. Sharing her with dd works very well with dd seeing her for RAD. Our therapist is a family therapist but she does a lot more than simple family therapy.

Why not talk it over with your therapist and see what his opinion is? He might surprise you.
</font>

For me tis different... my T is capable of handling the situation, it is me that is not... I am not wanting to improve my relationship with my son.. but rather get him the much needed help due to his current situation..
It is about never ever having anything for "just me"..

Thank you all for your opinions, I value them..

[withit]

Freewill, what a tough situation to be in!

I love (as in, I like the way we work together) my t, and would love for her to work with my dd, but I am resisting the thought, because I don't want t's loyalties to be divided...

Some time ago, I gave up my t so that she could continue seeing my other dd. Long story. Took me trying out a dozen therapists til I found the one I am with now. A journey of discovery; discovering how differently we 'click' with different people...

If there is any way you can get a referral from your t....or ask if she/he can see your son and continue seeing you, ask her if she'd be able to keep it separate. I once worked with a t who said she could keep my therapy and my dd's therapy separate and for a few years it did work.

Best of luck to you!

Thank you,, I have found the whole situation to not work. There was major disconnect from my T today.. not because of him but me.. I am physically sick.. but even if my son quits, it has ruined it for me.. it isn't safe any more... and never will be again.

I looked for this T forever.. and I don't want to look for another...too tired, too worn out, too numb

[sidony]

Hey freewill!

Don't give up! Everybody goes through disconnects in therapy. Talk to him and describe exactly how you felt in the last session. Ask for help! Since you've made the decision to try sharing a therapist, give it a chance! It might take a while to get used to it. Don't give up yet!

Sidony