[Sarmas]

I guess I was think earlier about my relationship with my T who I haven't seen since late July. I was thinking if she grew tired of seeing me or if she was frustrated because I wasn't meeting goals to her expectations. I never asked her that question before leaving. I do remember asking her once if she hated me and she smiles and chuckled and answered no. I guess now it's too late to ask her but I was just wondering if anyone else felt that way.

[stopdog]

No. They get paid to sit there. They do not get a stake in my life or what I do with it.
I don't have to be interesting, entertaining, or satisfying to them and their enormous egos, and if they can't handle it - I would think they need a new job.

[therapyishelping777]

I've had those fears too Sarmas! its really easy to I think for me, when I've dealt with rejection and insecurity my whole life. My T is really good with realizing this.. He hsasn't done anything to make me think he is tired of me.. but... my self talk would say that..

[t0rtureds0ul]

Yeah, my T acted like he was bored by my entire existence in the last couple of months of our sessions. But at the same time he was stalking me at my house every hour of the day, hacking my phone, my emails, my whole laptop! It was really contradictory and freaky for a while. I understand him better now I hope.

[junkDNA]

All the time.

I do have that fear very often. I often ask my T if she dreads seeing me, if she hates me. She'd always avoided answering the question, deflecting it to "Why do you think that?" which did not help matters.

Recently she asked me how she can convey more acceptance to me, because I frequently talk about being afraid of her judgment, non acceptance, dislike, etc. I suggested she volunteer where comfortable what she thinks and feels about what I say, how she feels about me.

Sometime later that session, we were talking about power in therapy (inspired by the thread here on PC) and I was saying I felt "You have all the power" with specific examples like how she can ward me against my will, how she can choose when I see her and not me etc. She tried saying we've equal power - that I can stop coming to therapy "even if I'd wish to see you" (wish I recalled the exact words).

Of course, I said "I thought you hate or dislike me. That you dread seeing me! Hey I thought you think QM is a pain in the rear end!" and I think she basically implied she does look forward a little to seeing me...as she does all her clients I guess, as she's a relatively inexperienced T in her first job...

I did. He did end up terminating with me abruptly so I figured my fear came true. I think most therapists do get tired and bored with seeing the same clients on and on for years. Doubt they would admit it and I think most of them are good at acting so they'd never show it. Now if I saw a therapist I would not care. It's their job to sit there.

[MobiusPsyche]

No but it's only been eighteen months....

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by therapyishelping777

I've had those fears too Sarmas! its really easy to I think for me, when I've dealt with rejection and insecurity my whole life. My T is really good with realizing this.. He hsasn't done anything to make me think he is tired of me.. but... my self talk would say that..

Same here. I've dealt with rejection as well and sometimes I feel that people get tired of me at some point or another. It could've been part of my issue with her. I try to think that she's human like we are with feelings as well. I'm guessing that it might come into play unconsciously.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by t0rtureds0ul

Yeah, my T acted like he was bored by my entire existence in the last couple of months of our sessions. But at the same time he was stalking me at my house every hour of the day, hacking my phone, my emails, my whole laptop! It was really contradictory and freaky for a while. I understand him better now I hope.

That is odd and freaky!!! How was he able to get such access? Are you still seeing him?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I do have that fear very often. I often ask my T if she dreads seeing me, if she hates me. She'd always avoided answering the question, deflecting it to "Why do you think that?" which did not help matters.

Recently she asked me how she can convey more acceptance to me, because I frequently talk about being afraid of her judgment, non acceptance, dislike, etc. I suggested she volunteer where comfortable what she thinks and feels about what I say, how she feels about me.

Sometime later that session, we were talking about power in therapy (inspired by the thread here on PC) and I was saying I felt "You have all the power" with specific examples like how she can ward me against my will, how she can choose when I see her and not me etc. She tried saying we've equal power - that I can stop coming to therapy "even if I'd wish to see you" (wish I recalled the exact words).

Of course, I said "I thought you hate or dislike me. That you dread seeing me! Hey I thought you think QM is a pain in the rear end!" and I think she basically implied she does look forward a little to seeing me...as she does all her clients I guess, as she's a relatively inexperienced T in her first job...

I've also questioned my t and asked her if she hated me and she gave me a no but didn't look at my face. She chuckled as she was placing my name in her book for our next session. She usually will expand on things but I noticed that she never asked why I would ask that. She never mentioned it again. Perhaps sometimes we try to read more or too much into things trying to find answers. I guess I'm almost like trying to find my place. It could be that your t was among you why you would ask that question to hear your thought process as opposed to trying to avoid it.

Not really. But the flip side of that thinking is - they must really like being with me ( even if they part is unconscious)- I think the reality is that 2 people are doing work together. That's it.

No, not even after a decade. We always seemed to work well together and enjoy (yes, it's possible) our sessions -- even the difficult ones. I stopped seeing him more because I grew a bit tired of therapy when I realized I didn't need it any longer.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

No, not even after a decade. We always seemed to work well together and enjoy (yes, it's possible) our sessions -- even the difficult ones. I stopped seeing him more because I grew a bit tired of therapy when I realized I didn't need it any longer.

That's a wonderful relationship.

[Pennster]

No, I figure he could be doing things that are a lot duller than talking to me. And less well-paid.

I do feel like some therapists should worry a little more that clients are bored by them. I had two dull therapists that I finished with fairly quickly. (I left because they were ineffective, and I think the dullness probably arose out of their ineffectiveness.)

My Pdoc used to be quite happy when I had a session, interested in hearing about my life, asking me relevant things to think about, and offering me great advice. The last time I saw him he barely looked up from my file and said nothing more than (gruffly) "Get a job". It scared me actually. Have I become a drag or downer?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

My Pdoc used to be quite happy when I had a session, interested in hearing about my life, asking me relevant things to think about, and offering me great advice. The last time I saw him he barely looked up from my file and said nothing more than (gruffly) "Get a job". It scared me actually. Have I become a drag or downer?

That's an awful response. Hopefully he was having a rough day but it's still wrong. At times I don't think some of them realize how we are affected by such comments.

[t0rtureds0ul]

Originally Posted by Sarmas

That is odd and freaky!!! How was he able to get such access? Are you still seeing him?

Re- access - Locked doors and windows appear to be no barrier to him For the first few months I was pretty much complicit in his stalking of me - he made out he was doing it because he cared, he was doing nice things when he trespassed and I kinda liked the attention. Its only really the last 6 months he got openly nafarious.

As for am I still seeing him - depends on how you mean. I sacked him in July. He didnt take that well and his behaviour escalated. I called the police, and he told them I was mad and tried to get me sectioned. He's drugged me, poisoned my cats, repeatedly broken in to my home, stolen possessions and general gas lighting activities. He's turned my friends and neighbours against me. I've moved out to a friends house to escape him, but he's found me and even just last night was following me on my walk and tried / pretended like he was going to run me over in his car. Most of our communication is online - he's too scared of getting caught to do anything obvious that could lead back to him. Now he's trying to blackmail me, trying to get me to take rude pictures of myself with my phone (which he's cloned, so he would automatically get copies), and he's trying to get me to pay him money to let me go back home and keep my cats safe. I dont have any money. Im basically at his whim. Theres nothing I can do to stop him, so Im trying to please him, keep him happy and will do anything to be able to live my life again.

I think that's the fear that's making me so unsure about telling T I feel some misattunement at the moment. I can just hear him internally saying "here we go again, another issue with the relationship".