Do therapists care or is it all an act

My therapist told me a few months ago: "you have less importance in my life than I do in yours". Which basically sums it up. Sure therapists may care on some level but is that actually enough for the client? Do they care once the session is over? I don't think so. They are professionals: they care for the duration of the session and once it's over, they go back to their life and forget about the client.

My mom works in healthcare. Once, at some take-your-daughter-to-work thing, we walked past an open door and heard two ER workers talking, with disgust, about how all the drug addicts should just go and die and stop wasting everyone's time.

My mom told me people say all sorts of **** when they're frustrated, and to pay no attention to it. It's stuck with me, though. Maybe that type of **** shouldn't be surprising, and we should all have enough ego strength or whatever to not let it make us feel worthless, but, ****, man, a thing like that will really shake your faith in the system. Sorry you and your group member were exposed to it.

I don't worry that my T doesn't "care" (whatever you take that to mean) because I simply can't afford to. I do walk away from every other medical encounter feeling humiliated and convinced the healthcare workers are talking about how vile I am. Takes me a few days to recover from those encounters. I buck up eventually--you just can't control the nasty, bigoted thoughts of others. Best not to think about it.

I've never found my therapists to just forget about me between sessions. Do they spend all of their time thinking about me? No, and I wouldn't expect them to.

I don't spend all of my time even thinking about my own children when I'm not with them. They are independent beings with their own lives too and don't need me to be always thinking about them. They enter my mind at certain times just in passing. But if something comes up where they require more time and more thought and attention, I naturally at those times give them more time and more thought and attention. My caring doesn't diminish just because I'm not thinking about them 24/7 though. "Thinking about" and "caring about" are not really the same thing.

I've found my therapists work pretty much the same way. Outside of session, their focus is on whomever it is and whatever it is that is in their immediate focus. They've told me I cross their mind occasionally when they see something that reminds them of me, etc. but they don't spend a great deal of time stewing about me. But they have also demonstrated that if they know something is going on with me, their focus is more direct. They are more actively engaged in supporting me and thinking about me during those times. That's pretty normal I would guess. And completely professional. I'm good with that level of professional care and support.

I definitely think the field attracts people like the ones you describe, but they are not all like that. It may be too much of a generalization, but I steer clear of clinics and group practices where this kind of thing has more chances of happening. Solo practice therapists could, I guess, talk about clients to others in this way, but there are more opportunities when others are around. And I definitely have not had good experiences with mh staff in clinics (receptionists, appt setters) who did not even attempt to hide their disdain.

But there are therapists who do care--and yes, it is a professional caring, not personal. Some do that better than others.

What Are The Characteristics Of An Effective Counselor? - Career Igniter

Compassionate
It is very important that your clients feel your compassion for their problems and that they sense you truly care about them. You may not be able to relate to every issue that is shared with you, but you need to be able to have compassion for how it feels to be in their shoes. Genuine concern yields positive results.

I have had therapy with a large number of mental health professionals. The therapist/client relationship is more important in my view. The professionals have boundaries for reasons stated in the article. That said, I must be able to trust the professional and believe a good result may be received.

That for me points to the essential horror of therapy. Anyone can recognize that a therapist is not going to care in the way some clients really need. But what if the approximation or performance comes close enough that the client, on the level of the emotional brain and visceral sensation, experiences something like the real thing? For me this was the ultimate nightmare -- here's the feeling of caring or connection or intimacy, but it's a simulation so don't fall for it. But of course humans don't work that way. The rational brain is not always in control.

Seems to me many therapists are blind to what they are unleashing when they sit in rapt attention and pretend the client really matters to them. In the end I found this cruel and insane.

Just to add some, I am a studying a degree in pharmacy and I care about patient when I read about a med that's not better or safer than others but the big pharma want to push doctors to prescribe it.

I worry about patient taking something that's not better, less safe (we know less about the med since it's more new) and more expensive (that money could me used for psychoterapy programs), I truly care. It's an ethical worry.

A lot of examples posters are using of "true caring" are still professional.

I care about my students when they're in front of me; I'll do extra work with individual students or to fix a class that seems to be going poorly. I think of them when they have moved on and sometimes miss them. This still isn't caring like you would feel for a friend or family member. It is however a kind of caring.

I think the therapist's job is to care about the clients personal issues during the session hour. I imagine they care about their work just as frequently or infrequently as anyone else whose work is at least moderately interesting. I don't think it is easy to distinguish professional and personal interest here, what would be the definitions?

Seems harsh but true. That is until her clients start terminating for phrases like that! After all we are their income.

I've been surrounded by medical professionals my whole life as my father is an OB/GYN and my mother is a pharmacist. People always told me what a kind and good doctor my father is, but I never really understood it truly. I always doctors my father knew from pediatricians to ENTs that always treated us well. I thought all doctors worked 60+ hours a week sometimes not coming home until long after I was asleep, spent countless Christmas Eve's and 4th of July's on call and occasionally away from their family, and received calls from distressed patients, which they patiently addressed, when they were in the middle of watching a football game or walking the dog. He cares about his patients. He wants to see them get better, to be happy, because who wants their fellow human to hurt, and relentlessly devotes his time to making this happen. Yes I see him stressed and sometimes a bit burnt out after a long day of surgery or a case that didn't go well, but in the morning he gets up to do it all over again. This has always been my definition of a caring professional.

And I bet you can imagine my surprise when I ventured out into the mental health world to find that not everyone, maybe even the majority, is not like this. People just seemed to do what they were doing because it was how they made their money. Sure they wanted me to get better, but did nothing outside what benefited them to make this happen.

Yes I do believe that there are people out their in the mental health professions who care. I know because I've had the blessing of being treated by a few. I can tell my dietitian cares by the look she gives me when I tell her I've been restricting that seemingly feels my pain. I can tell by her encouragement to have me email or even call her if I am having issues. I could tell when she said "I love you, but you can't do this to yourself."

I could tell my psychiatrists cared when he told me that he "wasn't going anywhere" when I felt discouraged. I could tell when he told me he'd see me on a weekend afternoon if I had an emergency because he probably wasn't doing anything anyways.

People in mental health fields that care may seem sometimes nonexistent I know. But I firmly believe they are out there. When I was struggling to find a therapist (and I still am), my dietitian told me "You deserve to have someone you like to work with and who cares." and I couldn't agree more.

So when I say Caring about their patients I may have worded it incorrectly. I am wondering how many go out of their way to degrade patients and devalue patients when not in session. It is one thing to say out of sight out of mind. it is entirely different to make fun of your patients. When I suggested she report the person making nasty remarks the lcsw in the room basically said she shouldn't. This suggested it is common. When I said it is upsetting to here stories like this and it makes me question whether mental health professionals care at all she started babbling how the therapudic relationship is a unique one. I was like duh but that does not excuse their behavior.

It makes me want to drop the group and my therapist. Boy am I glad I don't have a strong attachment to either of them!

M3233 I appreciate you sharing your dads experience. Hopefully you will find a good therapist.

I suspect all people reach points of frustration with their clientele and vent that in various ways, hopefully out of earshot of said clientele. I don't really think that is unusual, nor do I see it necessarily crossing over into how people actually deal with their clientele one-on-one. I can't honestly think of any profession that doesn't do that from time to time. Perhaps we would like to dream that therapists never get frustrated and vent about their clients, but I'm a realist. They're human. They have limitations. I'd rather they vent on their own than take it out on me in real time. They obviously need not do it within earshot of their clients; that kind of goes without saying.

Far as I know, other professionals aren't playing surrogate parent, having intimate relationships with their clients, inducing child-like regression and dependency, interpreting emotions and thoughts, giving life advice and moral instruction. Therapists do all these things, and so I think it matters quite a bit to what extent they are pretending to give a s**t and whether what comes out in their venting is the truth.

Freud himself apparently viewed his patients with contempt and scorn. They were fodder for his theories and his ego.

I think it's at least possible that both things are true.... They aren't just acting, they aren't just pretending to care...and at the same time they do feel the frustration that is expressed in their venting. I often have conflicting emotions like that.

^^^Completely agree

How about teachers???

As far as their venting being truth I would say not necessarily. Sometimes behind very closed doors we do vent not because we don't care but more because we DO care and are frustrated that no matter how hard we try we can't seem to make a difference...

Example. We recently had a client that has been in our facility multiple times. She is married with young children. Her husband is very abusive towards here, pimps her out and we suspect might be sexually abusing the children. We have made reports to CPS regarding the children. We have tried helping help her get into a safer situation. After a few years the situation doesn't change for her. So yes sometimes we vent out of frustration because we care and her situation breaks our hearts. Every time she comes back we welcome her back with open arms, try our best and pray this time maybe something will click. The clinician she normally has has been in a situation VERY similar to her.

Just like every other profession there are those who are great at their jobs and there are some that are horrible. In a field over 550,000 in the US alone I think it is pretty fair to paint everybody with one large paintbrush. It is like saying every Priest is a child molester or every lawyer is an ambulance chaser, or everybody with a gun is a murderer.

Some therapists care about their clients a great deal and some are in it just for the money. Although if most are in the field for the money, there are a lot easier ways to do so...and that require a lot less education. Some therapists suffer from compassion fatigue because the spend so much time taking care of their clients but forget to take care of themselves. As far as playing a role don't we all play different roles in life? While I am the same person in different aspects of my life I act different. When I am home I am relaxed, tell jokes and not afraid to let my hair down. When I am at work I play the role of a professional person who is more refined, has to have a filter on my jokes and only lets people see certain parts of my life. I try to be very genuine in both roles but different aspects of my life require to adapt.

I really believe its an act.

There are going to be some clients they like better and maybe care about more than the others. That really is the way people are. There are going to be clients that are selfish, annoying, boring, antagonistic. I think therapists (teachers, doctors..) do do their best to care anyway, but they're also going to vent somewhere to someone.

I think you can care too much. I try to give my therapist a break when I'm well because he gives so much to me when I need him. When I had cancer my doctor then (who was my age) actually cried. That was very sweet and heart-warming but it wasn't useful for me. I needed him to care, but to be objective and professional--to be the one in charge.

Teachers are tasked with imparting specific information or skills rather than delving deeply into personal and intimate material in a 1-1 setting. Therapists are selling the relationship itself, and if that relationship is of questionable authenticity, for me that kills the whole thing dead. If a teacher instructs me in how to read the novels of Georgie Orwell or how to add 2+2 (answer is 5), I don't see that it matters much if they are phony with me or think I am a loser.

While that may be true " you have less importance in my life than I do in your"... (what a hurtful thing to say to a client!!) I get what your therapist meant but for Gods sake, did he/she have to rub it in your face?? How can that be beneficial, how could that develop a therapeutic relationship? Seems counterproductive to me . I'm sorry that you had to hear that.

Even therapists who do care and who do not mock their clients are still acting. They're trained to care, or to appear to care more than they really do, or to really pile caring on thick in order to retain the client and make a living, or to care in a particular way according to some theory or technique. Spilling my guts to someone performing this convoluted act… i can barely stand the thought of it. The reason so many people ask -- does my therapist care? -- is because of this basic contrivance, i believe. Works for some, but this aspect of it really screwed my head up in a lasting way.

Yes, my only response to that would be, "Perhaps you have overestimated YOUR importance in my life. You are simply one of a number of people I pay every month for a personal service".