[objectclient]

I woke up from a dream about ex T this morning and it has been bothering me all day. I can't remember everything of the dream, only that it was some strange fictional situation and T was there and although it wasn't therapy, I got the sense that T was in a care-taking role looking out for me. We were talking, though I can't remember what about. What stands out for me is how I felt being around T - safe and loved - and that I loved her too. In the last part of the dream before I woke, I remember seeing T smiling at me and I was holding her hand. I brought it up to my face and rested my cheek against it, feeling absolute safety and peace. I then kissed her hand as a sign of my affection and returned to resting my cheek against my hand, feeling so safe that I drifted off to sleep and then I woke up, in real life, with that memory of feeling safe, calm and connected to T. It felt so good to be in T's company again, even though nothing of the dream was a reflection of our relationship or what I would want from her in real life. That would be too weird and so it really bothers me that I had this dream.

What could all this mean?

[ruh roh]

It's just a guess, of course, but I'd say your psyche is telling you that you're going to be okay--you've got yourself (an internal good therapist).

[kecanoe]

Perhaps that you feel safe with your t, and feel like that is a good thing? I love feeling loved and safe and secure. I would just hang on to that feeling as long as I could.

[objectclient]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

It's just a guess, of course, but I'd say your psyche is telling you that you're going to be okay--you've got yourself (an internal good therapist).

I'd like to think so, but based on how I've been thinking and feeling the last few days since this dream, I think not. More on that later.

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Perhaps that you feel safe with your t, and feel like that is a good thing? I love feeling loved and safe and secure. I would just hang on to that feeling as long as I could.

I don't know that I felt safe with this T though...this was T2 with whom I had a bit of an ambivalent therapy relationship. I have recently realized that the ambivalence wasn't all my "stuff" and T probably had some countertransference going on. This was also the T who rejected me a couple of months back when I inquired about further therapy, despite her leaving the door open so to speak when we terminated at the beginning of the year due to me moving to a different program.

Maybe it's saying I wanted to feel safe with T???

ETA: What I wanted to add was that for the last few days since having this dream, I am obsessing over ex T again. The googling, the fantasies, repetitively thinking of her, being distracted from the important things I should be focusing my energy on instead. I don't understand the purpose of all this because in reality, I do not want to know her personally as opposed the professional relationship we did have, I do not want to act out the fantasies in real life (in fact some of them actually make me feel sick) and I've noticed I've lost motivation the last few days, struggling to get out of bed in the morning and find the energy for my work, household chores etc.