Judging therapists by their appearance

This is so interesting, Crocus! If you don't want to do it here...maybe in a PM or on the Couch...but, can you extrapolate on how one can be incapable of noticing others' appearance? (And if you don't want to--that is okay too!)

And for my own answer...for all my T's that I have seen, i literally do not remember an outfit or article of clothing that stands out. Ok--i do remember one time my T wore hiking boots in session, and since I generally don't make much eye contact, I kept staring at her boots and wondering if she was going hiking after our session (I was the last session on a Saturday).

I think I definitely would take in my potential T's appearance as part of the package during the first session or so. If they dressed in clothes I could not imagine ever wearing, but seemed like a good fit...I could care less. If they dressed in those same clothes, and I just felt kind of "eh" about it all..maybe that would help sway me in not coming back. Hard to know. I got so lucky with this T, I hope I never need to choose again.

I see new t on Saturdays and he tends to wear jeans. Today was even better. Jeans cowboy boots and a wolf face closeup tee shirt. Kind of awesome. I think my opinion of him just went up.

Exactly my thoughts.. We've definately talked about my judging him by how what others percieved me or treated me, that may have seemed similiar to him but realizing he is himself and not like them. its a challenge sometimes.. I associate sharp dressing , as the same as you.. but yes.. he has proved me wrong ..

I Grew up trying to judge the atmosphere. Was mother angry?
It's a learnt behaviour. I do judge. I try not to act on said judgements.

I absolutely judge people by their appearance. Most of us do to some extent. A therapist like yours Mona, I don't think I'll be able to get past their unkempt appearance. I would question their self-esteem. Because it says that they don't care about the effect they have on clients, not a good sign imo. Then again, I care a lot about clothes and fashion and my therapist does as well: she's always dressed well, fashionably and put together. I love that about her and don't find it intimidating at all like other posters. Not caring about your appearance is a foreign concept to me.

I expect a T to be well groomed and dressed well. I guess I just associate that with being professional and in control. My T wears a lot of black and always wears heels but I don't find her cold at all. She has a soft face - large blue/green eyes, a small turned up nose and a nice smile. I think that, along with a gentle calm voice are what matter the most to me. I think I would have a hard time seeing a T who I thought was thinner than me. I'm not overweight but I'm self-conscious about my body.

I would like to care less about my appearance because it has lead to eating disorders and all sorts of issues around my sexuality. This is why I am always fascinated by these wild kinda older women who reject societies predisposed ideas on how they should look. She reminded me a bit of one of the women Clarissa pinkola Estes writes about in Her book Women who run with the wolves.
At first I was afraid of her but now I am fascinated and I am wondering howling or if my erotic transference will flare up with her.
It was almost like she looked into my souls and seen where healing was needed, I really do think she is some kinda witch doctor. It was a strange experience as usually supervision is all about your clients but this was but how the client had triggered me. It was pretty amazing but the same thing happened with her as with my t I froze up for a while.

Older women are too often not valued in western society so I celebrate your witchy t. The younger ladies at work who prattle in about shoes annoy me It seems to detract from what we could me and limits us to only being valuable when we are young thin pretty and on point (bleh)

Here here , I couldn't agree more! This lady had a wisdom in those eyes that I yearned to know more about! She had a kind heart and recognised my wounded soul faster than some young educated women in a suit and high heels. She met me where I was at and didn't shy away from that.

Part of how I picked my current T was based on her picture, which to me made her look very warm and friendly. That's the main thing I look for. As far as clothes, she wears neutral colors, oversized/loose fitting tops and skinny jeans with flats, and nothing ever pops out. She looks put together, but not intimidating. My previous Ts dressed pretty similar- neutral, professional, but not overly dressed up, comfortable, and they all were warm and inviting.

I've also had two dietitians. The first one was very hippie-ish, a white woman with dreads and she worked at a holistic treatment center. She did have the warm, caring thing going on too. My next one when I moved was pretty intimidating- completely gorgeous, always dressed up in nice, name brand clothes and shoes. I always felt like I had to look super put together when I saw her (except the times I was too depressed to care). I loved working with her though, because she was very warm like the others and really knew her stuff.

So the clothes don't matter too much for me as long as they look presentable and not distracting. It's more the kind, gentle, calming sense I get from them that I prefer. I don't like when people are too over the top or in-your-face.

. Hope this speaks to you Mona , especially when we recognize our own wounded souls

I'm guilty of judging people by their looks, but not by their style. Sure I want my T to dress nice and look clean, but she doesn't have to be dressed in any particular style nor be on trend. I also want them to be comfortable. Ex-T used to wear tight pencil skirts and I hated it. She seemed so uncomfortable trying to keep her legs together in that position.

I found that when looking for a T on psychology today, I was pretty judgmental about how they looked. My ex-T and current T are probably some of the best looking Ts on there (in my area). Yes there were some attractive ones I skipped (too young or too intimidating), but I tended to skip the less than average looking ones even if they met my criteria. Though in my defense, some were plain scary/mean looking. But I'm not usually that judgmental in life. I usually can find some beauty in everyone.

I don't know. Ts really should pay for a good photographer if they post their professional picture online. Or maybe they should post a short video so you can get a feel for who they really are because pictures alone don't seem to portray enough.

I have always judged most people, including T's, by their appearance but have learned through the years that appearance doesn't matter. As for Ts, I am extremely judgmental. I have had a lot of trouble because I react so much to the way they look, and unlike in real life where I keep my opinions to myself, I felt like I had to tell my Ts.

Usually it was about them dressing too much unlike me. Too put together, too formal, too intimidating. Casual clothes on a T make me feel more comfortable with them. Once a former T didn't have time to change into her "therapy clothes" and she apologized. She was wearing gym clothes. I told her I felt much more at ease with her that session!

I've posted a lot about my current T 's appearance, how pretty she is, and how I sometimes felt attracted to her. How it differs when she wears her glasses or contacts. How she once or twice wore a ponytail and I liked her less. Also how I never liked how thin she is. However, after all this time I realize it's the person I love, regardless of her appearance. I know it's what is inside that counts, not a person's appearance. Still, it's hard not judge, especially when I first meet someone.

Thanks, Mona. This is an interesting thread. I myself would be turned off by your supervisor T's appearance but her personality would be the deciding factor. I almost didn't continue with my current T because her thinness bothered me very much at first! I even asked her about it! I'm so glad I continued to see her!

All I can think after reading comments is wow, what if therapists judge clients like this? Oh well. Maybe they do...

They do - they make notes about it for their files from what I read for my job.

Do we notice? Or do we judge? I would hope most of us can simply notice most of the time and reserve judgment until we actually get to know a person.

I find this whole thread both weird and fascinating. I tend yo view people's clothing choices as a reflection of what they do, not who they are. Probably because I work outdoors with animals year round. So for example I show up at T in scrub pants and scrub shirt, work boots, windblown hair, and what my T knows is I've been working long hours. On my Wednesday sessions I occasionally wear more regular clothes ( tho usually still scrub pants BC I don't know why anyone who can doesn't wear then 24/7). Still I need to be ready to head out since I am always on call so I don't wear anything that I can't tolerate mud on.

My T on the other hand works in a clean, dry, air conditioned office and there fore has tons of choices about what to wear ( jeans when it is really hot out, sheer tops when it is really cold etc, bright colored shoes BC no mud etc).
It seems to me like a lot of people dress that way. For what they do. Moms running sticky messy kids around all day wear sweats and yoga pants and trainers. People with office jobs wear office clothes. People with outdoor jobs wear outdoor clothes.
I guess I see it more practically. I don't like makeup but even if I did I wouldn't wear it since I'm sweating/getting rained or snowed on. Etc. My T rarely wears makeup since she goes to hot yoga right after work.

If people are unkempt/rumply looking I usually assume they went for a hike on lunch hour or ran a lot of errands or something.

I guess the only thing they bothers me is if people are stinky. My T occasionally comes from yoga and smells a little sweaty when I hug her, and I am sure I sometimes smell more than a little horsey. That doesn't bother me. People with strong body odor take some getting used to for me, though I have learned over the years that even people with good hygiene can have a strong smell depending on diet and genetics .

Another reason for me not to hug anyone - I don't want to smell/wear anyone else's scent (perfume, aftershave, etc) on me. I dislike most of those sorts of odor in general and some I find nearly unbearable.
If someone hugs me before I can move out of the way - I often have to go change clothes/bathe to get their perfume/cologne/aftershave off of me.

My T used to dress business casual, but at some point shifted to just plain casual--shorts and sweatshirts and such. I prefer the business casual look, overall, sorta wish he'd revert to it, and I think I'd have been put off if he'd worn shorts the first time I saw him. But it's not a big deal at this point, we work together well so I guess it doesn't matter.

I would like to think this too but unfortunately it doesn't happen like that for everyone.

I don't think I judged or even noticed my T's clothes when I first started seeing her. Now I notice what she wears, and I love her style, though even if I didn't I'd like to think it wouldn't make a difference. She's kinda hippy and wears long flowy skirts and stuff. It totally fits her personality and is really beautiful. However, the last three times I've seen her she's worn all black, which is interesting to me. I wonder if she's noticed that, and if it's on purpose or just a coincidence. My T always wears her hair down too. It's just above her shoulders, so it'd probably be hard to put in a ponytail or something. That would be really weird for me if she started wearing her hair differently. I've seen her wear her reading glasses a couple of times too, and I love them. I wish I got to see her in them more. Anyways, I don't think I judge my T based on appearances, but I do notice them, and I do like them. But even if I didn't like them, I don't think it would change anything.

Usually the better I dress, the more pride I take, the more I am falling apart and want to hide it. When I'm in a good mood is when I'm wearing sweats.