should i send a letter?

i have been considering sending a letter to my old T, letting him know how i am and also giving him feedback on what did not work for me. He is new as a clinical PhD. He did get openly frustrated with me and i told him i knew that, saw that, etc and he told me he would never forget the things i told him about what had worked vs what hadn't... in our last session. But now, with distance, i can see how he dropped the ball in a lot of ways which did me harm. i would like to tell him that in a proactive sort of way.

I'd also like to tell him how i had felt, the transference, and what he had done which kept me alive.

i don't think he ever really trusted my own intuition on what i needed and that was a mistake. He withdrew from me once we knew sessions were limited and that was a HUGE mistake. It mirrored my emotional deprivation in the past and present. i worked harder to gain his caring than to work on me, while he grew more frustrated at my lack of working on me.

i would also admit my own mistakes and things which made his job harder.

The times when he let go more or the text-book therapist image and was his genuine self reached me deeply and it was healing because it was genuine and it was safe. He is a natural, when he lets himself be.

But i don't know if i should because i feel like i have let him down by not being done with a big issue i went to him with, the one which frustrated him so. i feel like he feel defensive of my feedback instead of seeing it as being meant in a good hearted and positive way. i worry what he would think of me, or worse that he would toss it aside and *not* think of me.

i worry most about never knowing.

i want to send it but i think my current T would tell me i would have to do so without expectations of hearing back. i mean, what could the guy realistically say? It might cross ethical boundaries to communicate witha client of another T. In his mind hewouldn't know if his letter might cause me to feel special or whatever.

It would be nice to send it, then receive a brief note back saying that he understood and appreciated my feedback and that he was happy i was working hard with my new T. It would be nice for it to be more, but i'd be content with that much.

Should i send it? Would it help to have my current T act as a liason somehow?maybe send it through him?

I would also say, don't expect a reply. However, I would send it, especially if your former T appreciated your feedback before. Of course, any good T wants feedback from an active patient, anyway.

You are not responsible for the T's feelings, so the fact that you feel you haven't progressed fast enough for that T to be happy with you should be of no concern.

If you include a sentence saying you would just like a brief reply regarding the receipt of the letter, that might be all that's necessary to allow the former T to respond to you. Some feel it is close to ethical guidelines to contact a former patient, especially one that is under another doctor's care currently. Don't take silence personally.

I'm glad you are continuing to work in therapy on your issue and wish you much success.
TC
Sky

I missed something Gerber, you have changed T's? I would send the letter and I agree with Sky, ask for a receipt reply.

I'm sorry if I missed you going through something difficult with your former T...

no almeda, you didn't. It was before i came here. Thanx Nyway though