I love him/great phone call

Well, I couldn't resist. Pinksoil, your subject line was as appropriate as the last!

T did not call me after the first message with cracked voice, that I left right after the session. I called again yesterday and said that if he hadn't left yet I really needed to talk to him. Then I left a message at his home too.

He called yesterday afternoon while I was driving to pick up my son and I said, "Oh God I really need to talk to you but I'm in the car can we talk later?" So, we made an appointment for the evening. We have fallen into a pattern of talking whle he's driving home, if I need him.

I began the conversation by telling him that I had certain needs during the session that were not met; that I had left that first message and that I was very upset since seeing him.

I said: that I was not able to talk about the things I needed to; that his "agenda" threw me for a loop; that his response to my confusion was damaging and that all I could do was cry.

He said: that clearly he blew it; that he didn't have a big agenda, but that he just wanted to leave me with something; that he was trying to help me out when it got really silent and I told him I was anxious and that maybe he should have just let me struggle through it. He said he didn't return the first phone call because I didn't say I wanted him to call so he thought I was just working something out and had wanted to tell him something (argghhh).

I said; that altlhough he had a goal for me for the year, I needed to figure out how to get through the next few weeks starting a new job, taking care of my son and keeping myself safe, so all he did was cause more anxiety; that maybe instead of letting me struggle or look at things another way, that he needed to just be with me on my path.

He said: that the session was charged, that there was a lot of anxiety surrounding the separation and that he did not respond appropriately and I was right to call him on it.

I said: it was the only way I could continue; that it was the only thing that made sense and that i could not face three weeks carrying these feelings around. I explained a few things from my childhood about me and how I process stuff, and that he has to have patience and know that I am doing what I need to. I said that because of the obvious anxiety both he and I should have proceeded cautiously and we didn't, and the results were damaging to me.

He said: I get that. I hope that this does not color your view of therapy.

I said: Of course, it does, or it did. But that doesn't mean I'm quitting. And then, I said I had to go to a meeting.

He said: I will see you three weeks from yesterday. I will be back on the Friday before Labor day, so if you need me you can call me that day.

I said, next time you want to leave me with something, give me a book.

Sigh. So much better--now suffering the wait, but better than hating him. I feel like we're partners again.

Sister I'm so happy for you!!! I'm glad he cleared that up, it would have been too difficult for you otherwise...

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sister said:
He said he didn't return the first phone call because I didn't say I wanted him to call so he thought I was just working something out and had wanted to tell him something (argghhh).

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ARRGGH!

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altlhough he had a goal for me for the year

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So he had a goal for you that he told you about? Were you in agreement with his goal? The thought of my T setting goals for me freaks me a bit. I always think of goals as something you set for yourself.

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I feel like we're partners again.

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Wonderful.

May the 3 weeks pass quickly.

Yeah, Sunny that goal thing was weird and crappy.

I told him so. That was when he said he wanted to leave me with something for the break and I told him next time to leave me with a book!

I think it was his anxiety about the break bleeding in to the session because he knew how hard the break was going to be for me. Well intentioned, but his agenda, not mine.

Yes, these 3 weeks are going to be rough. I'm dreaming about my mother tonight. Damn!

2 weeks, 4 days till my next session with T............

Oh I am so glad you reconciled with that phone call! It's still gonna be a difficult three weeks, but much less now that you didn't have to leave it as it was before.

Do you love when our Ts admit they blew it? I do. LOL.