[LostOne369]

I've been in therapy for about 5 years. Long story short, my husband and I need marriage counseling - badly. I didn't know where to start. I asked my T for help. She recommended another T in her office for my husband and I to see.

I'm terrified that my therapy will come up during sessions. I have a few "boogeymen" that my husband doesn't know about and I can't let him know. Seriously. I guess my T talked to her colleague about my need to keep therapy separate from marriage counseling. Our first session is in a couple of weeks. I'm debating if I should call this marriage T prior to the appointment too.

Has anyone else been in this situation - marriage counseling and individual T at the same time...at the same office? How did it go for you? Can they keep things "separate" after all??

[mostlylurking]

I actually see the same T for individual and marriage counseling and he does an excellent job of keeping them separate. But my T has very good boundaries in general and is extremely consistent in his demeanor, so I would say he's quite professional in style even though he's quite caring. My thought is that if your T and the marital T have good boundaries, that's an encouraging sign of professionalism, and there should not be any issues. Also, unless you gave your T permission in writing she probably cannot share anything she knows about you with the marital T, so the marital T will only know what you bring up in session with your husband.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by LostOne369

I've been in therapy for about 5 years. Long story short, my husband and I need marriage counseling - badly. I didn't know where to start. I asked my T for help. She recommended another T in her office for my husband and I to see.

I'm terrified that my therapy will come up during sessions. I have a few "boogeymen" that my husband doesn't know about and I can't let him know. Seriously. I guess my T talked to her colleague about my need to keep therapy separate from marriage counseling. Our first session is in a couple of weeks. I'm debating if I should call this marriage T prior to the appointment too.

Has anyone else been in this situation - marriage counseling and individual T at the same time...at the same office? How did it go for you? Can they keep things "separate" after all??

I'm in marriage counseling and see an individual T at the same practice (T referred me to her colleague, just like in your case). At the practice I go to, I have to sign papers allowing them to talk to each other--otherwise, they won't (and legally/ethically can't). And once I sign them (which I did), I can revoke that privilege at any time. So I'd find out what the policy is in your T's practice. If it turns out that they do allow information sharing without your permission, then I'd suggest looking for a marriage counselor at a different practice.

My T also won't talk to MC about something I've shared with her unless she gets my explicit (verbal) permission about it first. Like she might say, "Is it OK if I share that with MC?" My situation is especially complicated because I have transference (paternal and, at one point, erotic) for my MC that I eventually told my T about. She helped me find a way to tell MC, and she stayed out of it. I've confided in her stuff about the transference feelings since then, and, to my knowledge, she has never talked to MC about it.

Hope that helps!

[LostOne369]

Thank you for your replies! One area that may be a little bit of a problem is that the marriage T is my T's supervisor. So I guess she already may know about me? I hope that they just don't somehow say "X happened to LostOne" or "LostOne has X wrong" out of the blue.

I wish I could say what X is. It's a childhood issue.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by LostOne369

Thank you for your replies! One area that may be a little bit of a problem is that the marriage T is my T's supervisor. So I guess she already may know about me? I hope that they just don't somehow say "X happened to LostOne" or "LostOne has X wrong" out of the blue.

I wish I could say what X is. It's a childhood issue.

I see where that would concern you. She might know about you, but, especially if she's at the level where she's supervising other T's, she should be able to keep that information out of your marriage counseling sessions. I mean, I've told my marriage counselor some stuff directly (like over e-mail or phone) and he's kept it out of joint sessions unless I told him it was OK to bring it up. So she should be able to keep that knowledge locked away in her brain and not mention it in session.

Also, I'm not sure how supervision works, if the T still keeps the client anonymous. It could be the supervisor knows that one of your T's clients had that experience, but doesn't know it's specifically you. Does that make sense? My T and MC don't actually have supervision (both very experienced), but they have weekly staff meetings where they sometimes will share something going on with a client to get feedback, but they keep it anonymous.

[LostOne369]

I think my T would be considered experienced, but she's getting her doctorate degree so she's being supervised as a pre-doctoral intern. That is a good point about being anonymous! However, I would think the marriage counselor could have access to my file, you know?

I think I need to talk to my individual T about this more. I'm a little confused as to what she actually talked to MC about?! If my name was mentioned, etc.

[kecanoe]

I see a t who at one time was seeing me for individual and us for marriage. He was careful to not disclose things that I had said only to him.

I think it is fine to ask your t exactly what was said, but I would be surprised if your t said much beyond the fact that she has a client who wants to keep t and marriage counseling separate and that she had made the referral. It would be weird for her to say that she was referring you but you need to keep [...] from H. I don't think your t would share your secret with anyone. But definitely ask to set your mind at rest. I don't think I would want to reveal something that private to a counselor that I didn't even know.