Couch 125 - We shall survive!

Hi couch,

Fired my t today. What an idiot she was. Time to find someone new.

hope you find someone that is great for you...

Let the Family togetherness begin.. Off to my mom's house. I am so not excited.

I'm going to my sister's tomorrow so I'm not cooking a thing. I'll avoid the skeevy uncle, I'll be nice, I'll suffer in silence, and I'll reward myself by eating like a pig. 4 days off! Happy Thanksgiving (or happy Thursday if it applies) and have a great evening.

Im braising cabbage in the oven. Smells ah wonderful in here. Its gonna smell even more wonderful over the next few days!

Dr. Biker Chick had enough promise for me to schedule with her for the next two weeks. I'm still not crazy about the home office - but she does not insist on Dr. after all. (I just like saying Dr. Biker Chick.)

Next door neighbor is having another bingo party. At least its not a school night.

Gonna sleep through tomorrow if I can help it.

Oh, I totally forgot the Church of Unaluna forbids gambling!



Tomorrow I'm spending the morning trying to break my personal best in the 100m free. Then when they kick me out I'm gonna go home and have a James Bond marathon via Amazon Prime.

Dog show on regular tv nbc noon EST.

Eta - I actually got on a bus today to mail a document back to my brother right at the post office, that i received only today. Then on the way home, i de-bussed a few stops early and got in 30 mins of cold and rainy walking. It was invigorating! But i probably wouldnt have left the house otherwise. Thats not good!

I'm at my sister's and it's exactly like I remember it... She and her husband fight but don't take it too seriously. Which I guess is nice in its own way....

I wish I knew what to do for my h's knee. The swelling has gone down a bit, enough where you can actual see his knee again, but it's still swollen and tonight he is limping around like he is in terrible pain. He took off work today and just stayed off it as much as possible, we had a contractor here today anyway so he had to stay home for that. I don't know what to do to help him. I've already been bringing him ice packs to put on it and given him ibuprofen but he refuses to go to the doctor. I don't know what else to do...

In other news my mother called this evening she is in the process of building a house (well, having it built) and they have the foundation poured now and actual house building should be starting soon. I feel sad that she sold the log home and property. It was my Dad's dream, more than it was hers and she's 77, she can't live way out there in the country and take care of a log home by herself, it's just not prudent, so I understand but I still feel sad that I won't get to go visit that house anymore. It's like she somehow sold my Dad or something. I know he's been gone for 3 years next month, and she has to move on with her life. It's just, I dunno. I did not say any of that to her. I just feel sad, that's all. But I've learned how to let myself feel through things, let the feelings flow through me and away.... and I'll be better tomorrow likely. And if not well I see t on Saturday. Sigh.

Maybe I'm weird. I call my T Dr C though she tries to tell me to just call her C. I do it to keep a distance.

(((Artie))) i still have these complicated dreams about my mother remodeling the home i grew up in after my father passed, then she moves out, then she moves back in, then we all move back in, then the electricity never works in my bedroom anymore(!), then the garden, and it snows, and construction, and the neighbors, and a bus, and its neverending and always the same but also different.

((Artemis))
It is natural that you should grieve.

I haven't remembered any dreams for a few nights. I feel like I'm not entirely myself during the dream droughts when they happen. My mother told me when I talked to her yesterday that her and my sister /sister's bf are going to my other sister's house today, and they baked a bunch of pies to bring, because my other sister's SO has a large family who will be coming in and out all day and they will all be eating in shifts. I am happy that I do not live close enough that they expect me to come. I fought against going last year but ended up going because I wanted to see my brother before he moved to Germany. Hoping I get to talk to him today at some point! Or this evening. I don't know the time difference.

I am feeling better this morning, what a blessing this particular skill that t helped me learn and continue to practice.... the noticing/acknowledging feelings, sitting with them for a little bit and then letting them go.... some are easier to do that with than others, of course.

And happy turkey day to those who celebrate it!

My sister's nefarious plot for this holiday: she's cooking half the normal feast, holding the other half in reserve, and we are going to do it all again tomorrow night. Minus her husband's huge extended family. Just shoot me. There must be a genetic defect, and I must be a carrier. Who would voluntarily have TWO days of huge meals, cook and clean up afterwards, and enjoy it? I fear my children have inherited this defect, but thankfully I am unaffected!

I only like this day because there are no work emails. I forgot to plan out something for dinner today that might be special, so what I have is leftover eggplant pizza and some seasoned tempeh.

On a separate note, I had a rough time with workers in the house most of the day yesterday and emailed my therapist something from the past that was coming up. I didn't think it was anything new to her--in fact, I was sure it's come up lots of times before. But she said it helped to keep clarifying, that while she knows a lot, every detail is useful and that "Everything is so intense for you internally, that it will feel as if I know more than I really do."

This makes sense to me because I will often remember having a full blown movie going on in my head during session, then listen to the recording and I'm not saying much of anything at all--very vague. I am surprised she knows much of anything about me, tbh.

Hoping the Americans in the group have a nice, low stress holiday.

Thank you.

I called my surviving parent to say Happy Thanksgiving and remind them that they are spending it with [sibling] but they did not understand what I meant, or understand the idea of Thanksgiving. It's just so hard to deal with the sadness of this, mixed in with all the pain of family and the past. I had no idea how hard this day would hit me. In the middle of the downward spiral, my therapist sent a warm, unexpected message of support. Kind of blew me away.

i swear i have been hit by a truck but i am home.

When i call my t dr firstname or dr lastname, its always in quotes, whether he sees them or not! I usually call him an italianized / endearing version of his first name, like "Zackarini", then he calls me Mussolini, and then its all downhill from there

Eta - granitini!!!

Thanks for checking in, granite. I hope you are able to rest comfortably at home.

Thinking of you Ruh Roh.

Glad you are home Granite! Hope you feel better!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hugs to whoever would welcome one.