Couch 125 - We shall survive!

Morning couch! unaluna yikes the elevator thing!

QM I'm sorry what's happening at work. That sucks that you have to have your boss sign the note before taking it to HR. I don't suppose you could ask to have it written up a little differently in the future? Not sure if that would help but it might make it easier on you.

(((Crocus)))

hugs to all who want 'em!

Hi Everyone, this is my first post to the couch and I'm still trying to figure out how it works...

Anyhow, I saw Unaluna's post about getting stuck in the elevator and so I thought that I would share my elevator story. This is not to "One-Up" Unaluna but to share a horrible story and let you know that I got through it and if it ever happens to you, you will too!

First a little background...I am super claustrophobic!

I got stuck on an elevator about 5 years ago in a residential building with about 10-12 other people. I was the last one in the elevator and there was only a sliver of room for me right by the door. The door closed and all of a sudden the elevator dropped about a foot! There was a huge gasp from everyone but luckily the lights stayed on! We were packed in there like sardines and since it was about ZERO degrees outside everyone was wearing long coats with many layers underneath. The elevator quickly got really hot and we were so packed in that we had to help each other take our coats off. We could not turn around or anything. Luckily since I'm really claustrophobic I was right by the door and that helped me a tiny bit because I felt like I could get air through the crack.

We started off trying to use the phone in the elevator but we could hardly hear the person and they seemed clueless. We thought that they said that they'd send someone but 10 minutes later no one came so we called back and the person was like, "Ohhhh, you're stuck?!" Someone in the elevator quickly called 911 since we realized that we were not going to be helped by the clueless security person.

The whole time I was in there I was trying to keep myself calm even though I was freaking out inside. I just knew that I would make a horrible situation horrific if I had a melt down and somehow through constant self talk I held it together! Well in another 5 minutes or so the fire department arrived and they pried the doors open with a crowbar and we were all able to climb the 12 inches out to safety. I was the first person off since I was so close to the door and I ran outside into the freezing cold and stood there hysterically crying. I can't even explain the sense of relief that I felt and it was like a gigantic adrenaline release or something. My body was trembling/shaking all over and I could not stop crying!

Anyhow, this was all part of an event that I was attending with a bunch of acquaintances. I went back to the event and tried to sit off to the side but everyone kept coming up to me to ask what was wrong and when I told them, I'd burst into tears again! Someone said, "I don't understand why you're still crying since you're out now!" I wanted to throttle them! So I got up and left and went home. I was still shaking the next morning when I woke up but not nearly as bad as the night before. It was probably the worst experience of my life, but I lived to tell the tale! To this day I'm grateful that I was able to hold it together while in the elevator!

(((Soconfused))) holy carp!! The body and the mind are an amazing thing. Its like, you kept it together while you HAD to to survive the ordeal, but then when it was safe to react, you reacted. Your body reacted. Your nerves and adrenalin. This was very helpful, thanks for sharing your experience. Esp people saying, its not happening NOW, why are you crying NOW? How many times have we heard our parents say that? Because i feel like it, dammit!! - cute little 3 yr old girl swearing exactly.

On 48 hrs, you know those like crime shows on cbs, they had a guy who was hurt in the belgium airport terrorist bombing. What struck me esp were 2 things - his crying at kind of random times, and how he talked about what happened with his young daughters. He sounded like my therapist! Getting them to talk about their feelings about it.

Wow, SoConfused! That's awful. I'm not particularly claustrophobic but was feeling that way just reading that.

It makes complete sense to me that you needed to cry a lot afterward, given how much adrenaline was in your system. When I get a big spike of adrenaline I always have to find a place to cry shortly after that, because crying is part of my body's way of dealing with the stress hormones I think. It's partly physiological. I can't believe anyone would ask why you're still crying if you're out of there...

Yikes soconfused! That would have freaked me out!! I experienced claustrophobia in a car one time, 6 adults packed in it and we were trying to leave a dark parking garage along with 1,000 other cars and i could barely breathe... I was with friends but it was awful. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, pressed my head against the window and self-talked in my head to somehow keep from screaming. I had to make them pull over and let me get out of the car for a minute once we finally got out of the garage. This was many many years ago but still the worst claustrophobic i ever got. There are a few lesser intensity ones too but that one... Eek.

I'm certifiable. I was just enjoying my job so much i forgot to go to break 🌸

I am often very baffled about what other people do with therapists. I have no idea why one would want to hear a therapist in their head. I mean, the one I see is not a completely unworthy adversary, but how that translates to me wanting to hear her = I don't get. I want to hear me in my head - not her. I want her to not talk in real life, I sure as hell don't want her jabbering her nonsense at me in my head.

I was stuck in a lift once but it was my own fault. Myself and my bf at the time decided it would be funny to jump up and down in it then it stopped mid floor. In my defence I was young and it seriously didn't cross my mind it would get stuck. Im very lucky I don't suffer with claustrophobia and i empathise with those who do, it must be terrifying. Fire brigade got us out of a small gap at the bottom of the lift when they got the doors open. Lesson learnt there!
Has anyone seen the episode of Hancock's Half Hour where he gets stuck in a lift? Recommended viewing.

I definitely don't want to hear any therapist in my head. In fact, I don't want to hear anyone in my head.

Except, of course, for my invisible friend Erasmus.

On the other subject, all this talk of elevators and being stuck in them reminds me of the horror film Devil.

Oh, and of course a certain scene in Fatal Attraction.

Came home sick from work. Hopefully I won't have to go to the doctor, but having the equivalent of labor when you are not gestating might be a great reason to seek treatment. I am unreasonable though, so I won't go unless I actually give birth. Will the couch notify the tabloids so I can cash in? It would definitely be immaculate conception. . . Or an alien implantation. . . Or something weirder than those!

For me it's because of the negative voices in my head... The naysayers have always been louder than me so having t's voice in there helps me not be overrun by the naysayers. If that makes sense. I am learning how to make peace with the naysayers though by giving them jobs to do so maybe someday I won't need t's internalized voice my own will be enough. I think perhaps if I learn to channel my creativity in more constructively consistent ways, that will help too. And for me it also has a lot to do with me seeing her as a good-enough mother. But that's a whole other discussion....

That was a lot to type on my phone lol

Thanks - it was a bit upsetting. Not bad, but, you know. Left me with a lot to think about and try to come to terms with. That's probably as much as is safe to say here...

Sometimes I wish I still had a T. This would be a good time to have an unbiased opinion. My ex called again, left a 3 and a half minute long voice mail on my work number. His first words were 'please listen to this before you delete it' so I stupidly obeyed. Now I'm feeling all conflicted and angry and needy and pissed off at myself. I'm still letting this a-hole tell me what to do, four years after we split! Im not sure if it's me that needs a butt-kicking, or him. Both?

I think I should write a list of triggers down that my husband does that he doesn't realize he's doing and then gets upset when I ask him to stop.

A kitty in the box, to make you smile today.

Thanks Crocus

Love kitty pics Thanks Healed

I am currently on break sitting in the bathroom having tomorrow's session in my head. What does this say about me?!

(((stressed)))

That kitty looks kinda like my penelope!

Yes, this for me, too. And also for when I'm really anxious, hearing my marriage counselor say (in my head) in what I call his "super-calming voice" (he only uses it sometimes): "It's OK" or "Everything is OK." Or "I care about you." It occurs to me (after reading that thread) that I've internalized him much more than my individual T. Probably the fact that he tends to have a more calming effect on me in general...and probably the whole paternal transference thing, too... Plus I think I tend to get more comfort from men than women for whatever reason.

I was actually mentioning something like this in marriage counseling yesterday--there are certain things that H says that really trigger me (for example, "Give it a rest!" if I'm apologizing or cursing at me or about me or our daughter), and I was saying maybe I needed to make him a list. Especially because I've told him some of them before. Is it more stuff your H does or says?

No boundaries?

Well, at least Art isn't on the phone with her T in the bathroom...right?