Interview with a new T

My therapy seems to have gone pearshaped, which I'm devastated about (I might do a different thread about that). I interviewed a new T yesterday. I knew exactly what I was looking for. My previous T was blank slate, and not very smiley, and perhaps didn't use her 'self'. I was looking for the complete opposite, especially regarding the smiling. I didn't get what I wanted, the potential new T didn't smile once. I was quite struck by him though. It's my view that therapy can be oppressive and that there can be or is always an element of power and control. I think this can be very subtle. The T can subtly give approval or disapproval. I had a sense that this T was very aware of this and was careful around that. He didn't even tell me which chair to sit in. He didn't lead the session in any way. He made some wise comments to things I said. I cried at one point. It was a breath of fresh air to talk to a new T. I don't know whether to go again as I so wanted a T who would smile at me.

I'm really sorry things didn't work out with your therapist. I hope this therapist offers what you need. Good for you for trying again.

I know hard hard it is to leave a therapist so well done for finding a new T! I honestly couldn't work with a therapist who's a blank slate. Shame that the therapist didn't smile but perhaps he will? That was only the first session after all. He needs some time to get to know you and maybe eventually he'll smile at you? I hope so anyway. Good luck.

Yes I'm interviewing too. I've only tried one therapist, one psychiatrist so far. I'm with you though: I think I like the therapist, even pretty much, but he did seem all over the place. I'm telling myself that they're interviewing to be your therapist too. They wouldn't see you if they didn't want more clients and of course they want compatible clients. The point is your therapist may be nervous too even if he's very experienced. I would try him again if time and money/insurance permit.

Also I just can't help asking: does your therapist really tell you where to sit? That seems awfully controlling. Why doesn't he have just one place to sit then? And if he's playing games then he should let you choose and then analyze the reason you picked which place.
Is this really a thing?

Your comments about control, and showing approval/disapproval are really interesting. So, do you think that he was purposefully not smiling as a way to avoid showing approval or positive reinforcement for things you were saying?

That does seem *odd* to me. Smiling seems like an easy way to help someone feel more comfortable and safe, especially if it's the first time that you've met!

And... what do you think the chances are that he was just too nervous to smile? I just met a new T today too (!). I think he smiled OK (I didn't notice him not smiling), but I had mentioned how, a long time ago, a T that I saw (once) was awful - and had a very constrained, professional mask on that came down when I mentioned something he was interested in (the change was jarring to me!). This new T mentioned that he gets nervous meeting new clients, and that if he looks super serious, it's just that he's focusing and trying to put together the things that I'm saying! I thought it was really nice that he was willing to admit to being nervous!

Good luck. Do you think another visit would help you determine for sure if he's a good fit, and whether his lack of smiling was a one-time thing? Or, do you have a few others lined up to talk to?