[wheeler]

when they are going out of town? Even if it doesn't affect your sessions? And have you ever found out and been bothered by it?

Generally. No way to know if they mentioned it each and every time, but we were always pretty mutually open about weekend plans, etc., so I often knew. Never bothered me one way or the other. It was just passing information.

[junkDNA]

yeah, most of the time

[nottrustin]

Depends. Her significant out lives out of state but only about 1 1/2 hours away. She goes there for the weekend 2-3 times a month. Sometimes she mentions she is going if it relates to something we are discussing (she has also offered to drop things off or pick things up for my daughter who goes to college near where the significant other works.

She tells me when she is going on vacation. She wants me to know that while she will be away (across the country, another country, etc) she will have her cell phone and laptop if I need to contact her. I know that it may take time for her to receive and respond to emails but that she will get back to me.

[Salmon77]

Sometimes, if it affects my schedule. I don't see why he would otherwise. It doesn't bother me either way.

[KitKatKazoo]

My blank-slate therapist will bait me by saying she's going to "be away." Then she looks at me and waits for me to ask where she's going. If I do, she smiles meaningfully and gives a vague answer like, "Florida" or "California." I used to ask who she was traveling with or if she was visiting someone, but she always made a huge deal about what my asking said about me. I found it completely stupid. After all, if anyone else (say, my optometrist or neighbor or Pilates instructor) said they were going to be away, I think it's entirely normal--and in fact probably expected--to say, "Oh, where are you off to?"

Anyway, her blank-slatedness angers and agitates me to no end. But I refuse to give in and let her know how badly I'm dying to know where she's going; I pretend I don't care. As an aside, her unwillingness to reveal the most inconsequential of details tends to inhibit my sharing as well. For example, I will tell her I can't make next week's appointment but I refuse to say why, or I'll wait until I return from vacation to tell her that I was gone. If she were even minimally open with me, I'd be far more willing to open up to her. It's a terrible dynamic and I hate it.

[Travelinglady]

I just hear she has to change my appointment.

Not usually. If it's work related (like he's running a workshop or speaking at a conference) I usually know because I regularly Google him, and he sometimes puts it on his website too. If it was just a weekend away or something he wouldn't tell me.

[Ellahmae]

When they are going out of town? Yes.
Even if it doesn't affect your sessions? Yes
Have you ever found out and been bothered by it?N/A

Even if she goes out of town or takes time off we still have our sessions.

[atisketatasket]

They all told me, usually weeks or months in advance, if it affected my sessions. And then they keep reminding me. With No. 1, I could email when she was away. With No. 3, I could email and we Skyped.

Vacations have never really bothered me, whether or not it affects my sessions.

[precaryous]

Yes. If we have been emailing about a life situation of mine, she will even volunteer when she is not reachable on certain days...like, "I will be in class until 9 but home after then."

I have had quite a lot going on lately- well, since my mini stroke in March, really.
I appreciate her telling me. I wouldn't want to bother her if she is dealing with something else. She really goes out of the way for me. I think I'm "too much" but she reassures me that I am not.

Yes, she said she was off this week.i never ask if she is going anywhere as this would feel too personal but she always tells anyway. I felt really sad that she is going away but also really glad that she is looking after herself because it's been a really tough year for her.

[SoConfused623]

My T only tells me if it will affect my appointment. I dared to ask last time where she was going and got the one word name of the state and that was it. I told her at the next session that it really bothered me how she was so abrupt and short with her answer and that she should have said, "I'm going to X and really looking forward it" so that it sounds more friendly and so that I don't feel like an idiot for asking. I just think that it's human nature if someone says that they'll be away asking where they're going...

[stopdog]

The first one usually does not and the second one sometimes does. I have no idea why or why not and it is not information I care about, so it is fine with me that they do not usually do it. I don't tell them unless it has anything to do with missing an appointment either. I usually don't tell them why - I just say I won't be able to make the appointment.

[Luce]

My ex t told me she is visiting another country at the moment, but she told me because she needs to send some information to my new t and was letting me know the time frame of her availability.
My new T told me she is not going to be at work next week because her partner is having shoulder surgery and won't be able to do anything for himself so she will need to stay home and help him. It doesn't bother me that she told me but I didn't need to know all of that.
My ex t has always traveled a lot, sometimes for many weeks at a time, so she always gave me advance warning of her trips.

[UglyDucky]

My T doesn't tell me if he's going to be out of town unless he won't be reachable by text, email or phone, but that's never happened. I've learned a time or two when he was out of town for a weekend and I was a mess - even though I didn't miss appts. I'm not sure what's going on w/me re: my reactions, other than possibly just plain old attachment stuff.

[ruh roh]

"when they are going out of town? Even if it doesn't affect your sessions? And have you ever found out and been bothered by it?"

I don't think she tells me if it doesn't affect my sessions, but there have been times she's told me she may be unable to respond if I email on her days off. I've assumed it meant she was out of range/out of town, but it could also mean that she's just busy. And no, it doesn't bother me if she mentions being out of town after the fact. She does so much for me as it is, I don't feel I have a right, or a need to know, when she's away. But if she does tell me, I feel huge relief when she's back.

[growlycat]

My long term to used to tell me if he was going away no matter what.
Sparky only told me if it affected my sessions
Kashi is still a wild card

I prefer to know in case I try to get in touch.

[Elkino]

Originally Posted by KitKatKazoo

My blank-slate therapist will bait me by saying she's going to "be away." Then she looks at me and waits for me to ask where she's going. If I do, she smiles meaningfully and gives a vague answer like, "Florida" or "California." I used to ask who she was traveling with or if she was visiting someone, but she always made a huge deal about what my asking said about me. I found it completely stupid. After all, if anyone else (say, my optometrist or neighbor or Pilates instructor) said they were going to be away, I think it's entirely normal--and in fact probably expected--to say, "Oh, where are you off to?"

Anyway, her blank-slatedness angers and agitates me to no end. But I refuse to give in and let her know how badly I'm dying to know where she's going; I pretend I don't care. As an aside, her unwillingness to reveal the most inconsequential of details tends to inhibit my sharing as well. For example, I will tell her I can't make next week's appointment but I refuse to say why, or I'll wait until I return from vacation to tell her that I was gone. If she were even minimally open with me, I'd be far more willing to open up to her. It's a terrible dynamic and I hate it.

Wow, I never have the guts to ask more when my T tells me she'll be away. I sometimes wonder whether she thinks I'm extremely cold and not interested at all. But I'm just to shy to ask.
You are right, it are some very normal questions if someone else would tell you. I'm just not sure whether I'd ask them in this kind of relationship. But as T's always say this is an 'equal relationship' and they can ask you anything (uncomfortable or not), why not... hehe
I find it weird that your T makes such a big deal out of it. Seems like she doesn't feel comfortable sharing much with her clients?

My T doesn't tell me unless it affects my sessions. Then she'll say something general like "I will be away around this time, so you won't be able to reach me if you call the hospital."

[AllHeart]

My t allow for emergency phone contact outside of session time so she does let clients know when she is going out of town and who to contact ICE in her absence.

[Lauliza]

Only if it affected my sessions. I don't know why they would tell me otherwise.

[rainboots87]

Yes. She's been out of town once for a conference that I know of and will be out all thanksgiving week. It's helpful for me to know with my attachment and anxiety. Even though she'll be out next week, she did say that if I have a rough time I can email her (which she's already said I can do as much as I want) and we can set up maybe 15 minutes to touch base on the phone. I don't think I'll need it, but I'm so glad she offered. I was feeling really anxious about her being away.

She also mentioned last time that she doesn't have any other plans to go out of town, except maybe around new years but that it would likely be just several days that wouldn't interfere with when I see her for sessions anyway. Her degrees are from out of state, so I assume she is not from the area.

With previous Ts, I was always not in my hometown and would be the one leaving town to go back home for various holidays, so I don't know if they would have gone anywhere or not. I don't remember any random vacations, but maybe they happened.

[retro_chic]

My T will only tell me if it is going to effect my sessions and even then she will usually just say she is going on leave. Once she said she had a "weekend holiday thingy", that's probably the most she's ever self-disclosed.

[Teddy:)]

Always! We have regular out of session contact so if T is away we talk about it and agree upon a vacation contact plan. I'm very thankful that my T allows this!