[amuseable]

Last night at a social function a woman was telling me about this wonderful T she had had years ago and it turned out to be the same T that had dumped me after I had already become incredibly attached to him. Apparently he saw her for free for a year rather than abandon her at the same time that he dumped me. I was in serious distress at the time, very suicicdal, had had an almost successful suicide attempt during the time I was with him because I felt he did not care. (I was very screwed up back then and still sleeping with my father even though I was 31.) Anyway, listening to this lady brought back a tidal wave of pain from that time when he dumped me suddenly. I then started fearing my current T would dump me too because of course I'm just a piece of %#@&#! (or why else would the old T have dumped me?) I have been with this T for 3 years and I trust him more than I have ever trusted anyone in my entire life. I hate it when he goes on vacation. (Last session I told him " You can't go away on vacation, You just can't. I hate it hate it hate it." And he looked at me with those blue eyes and softly said "I know, I know that's how you feel... but hey, you'll be okay. You've been okay before." (when he went away).
I cannot bear the thought of ever ending therapy, seriously. I just cannot even go there. I have never ever had a relationship like the one I have with him; it has opened up so many windows for me. I have started treating myself with some of the kindness and love he has shown and taught me. I have started believing in humanity again. I think a part of me would permanently die off if we ended badly. It is so scary to think T has that much influence over me but he does, damn it; he just does. Yikes!

[Perna]

You are in a different place now with this new T than with the old and doing much better it sounds like! Congratulations on what you have learned in the 3 years you have been with him.

I was with my T for 9 years before terminating (1978-1987) but then saw her again for another 9 years, 1996-2005. Don't worry about the termination phase yet! Concentrate on what you are learning and doing now. I was like you, no able to think about it (even at the beginning of the year-and-a-half phase when we set the date to terminate). Work with what you have now, you don't have the past anymore or the future.

A couple things that helped me was asking myself "Are we terminating today?" and the answer would be "No" so I could relax "today" and keep working; and, reminding myself that it is a process and that 3rd graders :-) don't have to worry about graduating from high school yet! Keep working on what you are working on and focus on the present and the future will take care of itself. Yes, termination is hard/painful but in its "right" time not something that can't be a good thing and done with pride and the realization that the "future" will come out well.

((((((((amuseable))))))))

[amuseable]

Thank you Perna and Esther for your responses!

[sunrise]

amuseable, that was a very hurtful thing you heard from your friend about your former T. It's understandable how it made you feel. (((hugs)))

But if you hadn't terminated with that T, you never would have gone to your current T, with whom you have a wonderful relationship and who has helped you so much. Maybe it was fate? It is so great that now you have a T that you trust, and you are seeing the benefits of therapy in how you treat yourself. Can you talk with your current T about your reaction to the woman who also used to go to your former T? Might help with your anxiety about termination. Your current T is not your former T. Take care.