Couch 126: Get your kicks...

I don't think I ever felt a strong urge to defend the therapists I hire. I might correct a misunderstanding, but if others dislike the ones I see from what I write about them (and from what I have gleaned more probably feel sympathy for them), I don't really see it as hurting me or the therapists who don't even know about it.

(((EllahMae)))

I know that. I don't think my therapist could be hurt by anything I or anyone else could write. It hurts me, which is not necessarily a positive thing.

I'm glad you felt strong enough to say that.

I heard you crocus and it reminded me to let granite know that my intentions were meant to be supportive. I did not mean to trigger anyone. My post was meant as opinion not an attack. My way of being supportive is to point out things that don't seem right or fair to me , it doesn't make it the final truth just an opinion

me too when i said what i said. my intent was only to be supportive of granite, and my own personal reaction.

Hi couch. Here I go getting my kicks:

I survived the family evening, listened to Christmas songs and the tree is up. Way too early, but the girls wanted to do it tonight. I'm not prepared for it to be Christmas yet!!

I managed to cry twice in public today. First time it was a crying baby (not my own) that did me in, in front of several other moms and assorted children. Second time, I was checking out at Costco and the cashier in the adjacent aisle passed out. After some yelling and running around by employees had taken place, I went over to give the people helping her an ammonia / smelling salts capsule, and saw she was lying there awake. She was gray in the face and looked confused and terrified. The other woman helping her was telling her over and over again that she was okay, she was breathing and her heart was beating and she would be okay. I'm not even sure why it made me get teary, it was just unexpected and a bit intense. That whole end of the building had gone quiet, everyone had stopped talking in the check out / food court areas. (Incidentally none of us thought to elevate her legs. Isn't that what you're supposed to do when someone passes out? But it's so hard to remember those things in an actual emergency.)

I don't mind crying too much (my main reaction being "Oh jeez, not again") but twice in a single day, in front of people, is quite a feat even for me.

i just want to say i feel supported by everyone here you guys are an amazing bunch and i welcome what everyone has to say .

Glad to hear it granite.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

I am sorry to hear that Crocus! That sucks to feel so invalidated about your own experiences
ME TOO!!!! <3
I'm sorry whatever it is. I generally feel like this

((Ellahmae))

Based on conversations with a few friends over the years, I think it might be common to minimize the abuse one has suffered as a way of coping. That might be harder for you to do, now that your T has said that. Which could be rough, it's like losing a defense mechanism. Maybe you should contact her?

Whatever it was you told your T, if it distressed her, it's what others did to you that caused that distress. Not you.

I agree not a positive thing.
I admit I don't understand it, but I certainly can agree that it would not be positive for you if hurt.

I can't sleep despite sedation, so I'm listing possible New Year's resolutions.

One. Buy a stand-up punching bag for at-home use.

Agreed. Max amount of sleep pills and PRN and yet, here I still am.

I'm up despite my meds, too.

T thinks Xanax is a better alternative to my drinking for when I am feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed. I am not sure i understand why.. They are both addictive substances.

Therapists often like meds controlled by others rather than people choosing their own, from what I have seen. Xanax is a lot scarier to me then pot or alcohol. The therapist once suggested I take some xanax from a friend to help with my acute therapy anxiety. I have no idea why she thought my friends would have xanax to hand out- but she seemed to think everyone had a jar or two hidden away in the cupboard.

One Christmas concert down; 13 to go.

I'm up waiting for son to get home. Usually he texts after his night class if he's not coming home but nothing tonite and he's not answering his phone. Nervous mom here.

I told my sister something my mother did today.
She's pissed.
She called dad.
She called her a *****, and said I finally see it.
She's horrid to you.
I said I know I shouldn't have told you because I should be quiet about it.
She said you protected me when I was little, now it's my turn to do it for you.

TOO MUCH IN ONE DAY. I CAN'T.

No more.

I think growly once linked a great containment exercise - https://docs.google.com/gview?embedd...-container.pdf

I use it when I need therapy stuff not to seep into the rest of my life

I honestly honestly don't think you demand support. Demanding support would be like...uh...this person who got really enraged with me if I didn't respond to her within 5 minutes during my work day.

I LIKE hearing from you on The Couch. I WANT you to take up space, to have your seat on The Couch. You deserve to have your voice heard, to take up space. I want to give you support because I like you and not just because you give myself and others support.

I very often feel I don't matter, that I'm a waste of space. It could be me projecting onto you, but I feel perhaps you feel similarly about yourself.

I'm not writing all these to be fake, it's genuinely from my heart, however awkward or mushy or weird it sounds!

Hugs Ellah, I'm so sorry.