[MissCharlotte]

So this is what happens to me.

Yesterday I began my new job. It was a very full day finishing with dinner. In the middle of a meeting I pretended that T was sitting across from me (it was the day of our usual appointment). I suppose this was good because I was fantasizing and holding him close.

Then he disappeared. He is so gone that I think I could quit therapy right now. I don't really miss him a lot right now. I don't feel like crying anymore. I am accepting his absence and in a way feel like this is now my new life and I move on. It's as if my new job has replaced T. I was even afraid I wouldn't make it home last evening, like I had started a new life.

This is what I was afraid of--it comes directly from issues in my childhood. Constancy? Fuggedaboutit!!

Now, the countdown is filled with anxiety. I will be afraid to call him and afraid to walk into his office. Weird, distressing, complicated.



1 week 6 days till my next appointment.
1 week 2 days till I can call T.

((((((((((((((((sister))))))))))))))))

oh my, our childhood issues so get in the way of everything. my t was explaining all this to me. It's ok to feel this way, part of healing. can't give any advice but always here for you.

love to you my friend, jinny xoxoxoxoxo