T asked me to think about why I want to know

Does how far or close she sits and exploring that help with an issue outside of therapy?

Yes, T says that personal space is very important, to know how to decide how close in our circle we want someone to be. Sometimes she forgets to ask me. She told me once that some clients want to sit very close to her, and some want her at the other end of the office! She usually sits in a normal distance from the couch and asks if it's okay. It only takes a minute. We don't explore it. Thanks for asking.

I've just read through this whole thread for the first time. To me, it sounds like the original question has actually been answered and even the fact that this thread has been going on for a while might indicate that your benefit from asking is to explore why it is important for you to ask/know. What if you don't can't access that info, how does that affect your therapy or feelings about her? Might be simply why the T asked you to think about it in the first place and you clearly have thought about it quite a bit. Is it possible that this is actually enough and knowing about her bf is not really the main thing here?

I agree that knowing about T's bf is not the main thing. It's the fact that she can limit what she tells me, and so can other people in my life. So that's what I'll tell her today. I'm getting stirred up just thinking about it. Still, there's the curious aspect too. I'd like to know who she picked out to replace her ex-husband. I'll tell her that too!

Hope it goes well

I recently ended regular therapy with my T and in our last couple sessions he told me quite a lot of things about his daughter and wife. Before he never mentioned them and I never asked, but when he started, I became quite curious. Genuinely curious in a benign way, never felt jealous of anything. I am also generally curious to lean about my therapists and search them online extensively, just like pretty much anyone who plays a significant role in my life. But I don't tend to ask about these things unless they bring it up and volunteer info first. So I found out things about my T's child and wife in my last two session, without me asking anything, he just decided to speak about them while before he never even mentioned their existence. Learning about them had no negative effect on me whatsoever, quite the opposite. But I think Ts tend to be very cautious about providing this type of info as it affects many people negatively.

How does that relate to your life outside of therapy? What happens if someone sits too close or too far away?

rainbow - it sounds like part of your therapy is learning to observe the boundaries of others? In which case, I see no therapeutic value to actually seeing that picture. There is therapeutic value in observing your reaction and trying to learn from it, though.

You're right. T wouldn't show me. I had the worst session in a long time! I cried all the way home. She did tell me he looks like George Clooney, which means he's good looking. So I'm jealous anyway. Starting a new thread about my session after I charge my phone.

Hugs, rainbow.

The good news, i saw on the news stand at cvs that george clooney was getting a divorce, so there is hope once again!

Only in therapy would such a normal and natural impulse be taken outside and beaten till it was unrecognizable. Isn't this just plain curiosity about someone with whom you have shared intimacies?

I agree with you, Bud. Thank you. Unfortunately, therapy is different from real life in that way. T and I are not friends, and I pay her to help me. She doesn't have to tell or show me anything about her personal life, only what she chooses to share. It sucks but that's the reality.

Yea I certainly get that. I find the basic dynamic you describe to be insufferable, though I know it is considered SOP. In particular her asking why strikes me as borderline insane. Back on planet earth such a desire would be not be questioned. But in therapy everything is assumed to have some supernatural meaning that must be dissected down to the last atom. Why the hell does she think you want to see the photo??? Because you're a human being. Her asking also seems to distort reality. It implies that her withholding is normal, and you wanting to see it abnormal and therefore in need of analysis. I'd say it's the reverse. Sorry, don't mean to be obnoxious.

What does SOP mean? Standard operating practice? You're not being obnoxious. I don't always agree with you but I do in this case. Yet, T doesn't HAVE to share with me.
I see both sides. I don't have to share what I choose not to with her either. I'm paying her to work with me. I don't ask to see a photo of my cleaning lady's ex husband, but if she wanted to see a photo of my deceased h, I'd show her. I don't know. It's hard because my T and I are compatible. Past Ts I wouldn't think of asking !

SOP = Standard Operating Procedure.

I guess my point is that people naturally need mutuality, therapists block this, then make the client feel strange/wrong for wanting it, as if the one-way intimacy is normal. It's an inversion of reality.