I stopped therapy about a year and 1/2 ago,after over 6 years of trauma therapy.And I was just thinking about the fact that my T didn't acknowledge holidays at all.He didn't tell me happy Easter,Happy Thanksgiving,Merry Christmas...he just acted like there were no upcoming holidays,even the times I had a session the day before.There were times I talked about how my holiday went ,afterwards,but never beforehand.

I assumed maybe he didn't acknowledge them because it would be too personal of him to do so,like maybe it would be considered crossing some type of boundary or something,but I really don't think that was the case now.

I am thinking now,well wondering actually,if maybe the reason he didn't was because growing up with so much abuse,so much trauma,it would be obvious that holidays would be hard,would stir up a lot of bad memories and emotions.Like maybe he thought it would be cruel to bring them up or something.

I am not sure though.

The reason I am bringing this up is recently I emailed him because I had a question,and after I received his reply,his answer,I replied back,thanked him and also wished him happy holidays.I checked for the next couple of days,hoping he would wish me the same in return,yet he didn't.

I don't know why I expected him to do it differently than he had through all those years of therapy,but it is bothering me now that he didn't,and I am tempted to send another email telling him how I feel about it.

I don't know about anyone else,but even though the holidays always have brought up bad memories and emotions,it still feels good to have someone acknowledge them,to have someone say "Happy holidays".It's something I didn't get to hear throughout my entire childhood,and I appreciate hearing it now.

Mine doesn't particularly offer seasonal greetings in any formal manner. We communicate them in a different way. A way I guess is unique to the relationship between us.

[LesFleursDuMal]

Mine does acknowledge holidays and always wishes me a merry christmas and a happy new year. It would make me confused and possibly hurt if he didn't.

[feileacan]

My T does not acknowledge holidays in that way either. Well, he might do an exception for Christmas but this is an exception - I have had therapy session on my birthday and I have said that it is my birthday (just as part of saying anything that comes to my mind) and he has never wished me happy birthday.

For me it is somehow logical. If he would acknowledge the holidays then he would somehow force his views about those holidays on me. I am in psychoanalysis and there just isn't basically any room for polite chit-chat. I don't feel bad about it because it would feel like a burden to me. We are very close emotionally and I can talk to him about anything, so if his not wishing happy holidays would bother me we would just talk about it to understand why I would want it from him and by doing that I could learn something important about myself. If he would offer those wishes by default then the road for such discussions would be blocked.

So, my guess is that when a T does not acknowledge holidays it is because he/she wants to give you the opportunity to discover anything that could surface from that. I personally think that having opportunities of such discoveries are more important in the context of therapy than following the common social rules.

I guess you never talked about those things with your T during your 6 years with him. One option would be to go back and talk about it to see what lurks behind it.

[1stepatatime]

She doesn't display any holiday ornaments but she always wishes me a Merry Christmas, happy Thanksgiving.

[junkDNA]

He might be a jehovahs witness. They do not celebrate it acknowledge holidays and even their birthday

[junkDNA]

Or********

My therapists acknowledged holidays just like most people in general in everyday life. Sometimes yes other times no. They usually offered greetings when I mentioned something about the holidays first, I think. For me it's not really important but if it were, I would probably mention it to the T alongside my reaction. I think there are many people who do not observe a specific holiday or have some negative memories associated with it so I imagine many Ts would be reluctant to bring it up first.

[atisketatasket]

No, they don't. And DBC is the only one who's mentioned the idea I might find the holidays tough (not because of trauma).

[kecanoe]

One of my ts didn't know that Christmas Tree lights get tangled, so I assume she has never dealt with that. So maybe she doesn't celebrate Christmas?

I think they might wish me Happy (pick your holiday), but to be honest I don't really care if they do or not. Random strangers wish Happy (pick your holiday) so I guess for me it doesn't mean anything other than polite conversation. If the holidays were hard for me, I would definitely talk about it in session. Or I might mention my plans if I was either excited or concerned about them.

I do think that if I didn't celebrate Christmas, I would not like being told Merry Christmas by my t. I would be hurt that they assumed I did celebrate. I would find it weird to be wished Happy Hanukkah but not offensive. Reflecting on all that, it may well be a conscious decision on the part of t to not say anything.

[velcro003]

No, i've had every T i had acknowledge them--mainly in response to me bringing it up I suppose. Right before thanksgiving, the session was heavy with other stuff, and as she was walking me out, she goes "Have a good thanksgiving! Your mom is visiting right?" I was surprised and said "Oh, right, thanksgiving!"

[alpacalicious]

Mmmmh, I think for some therapists sending holiday wishes to clients seem too personal. Maybe T's are cautious because they don't know the beliefs of the clients...maybe a client isn't a cristian, and so some T's prefer not to say anything.

[nottrustin]

T does..but part of that probably had to do with the fact that before holidays we usually discuss what we'll happen before hand. I struggle with holidays and not having my mom and other family members to celebrate with. A couple of my family members come but they are toxic for me.

I appreciate all the replies here so far,it's interesting how different T's can be.

The closest mine has got to acknowledging a holiday was last year on Thanksgiving.I sent a drunk email that night and then a few hours later,when I sobered up a little,I sent another one,apologizing for it,and he replied with "I hope you had a good day".

[Luce]

I don't acknowledge holidays and I hate it when people say it to me. I find holiday greetings of any sort trite and meaningless. They are just words. And they expect and demand a response in kind, resulting in hurt feelings if one isn't given. I hate any sort of meaningless social interaction that demands a reply regardless of how that person feels about it. I find it invalidating and dismissing. It isn't real, or genuine. At all.

Holidays were awful for us. They involved a lot of abuse. Holidays are never happy. I don't want anyone to wish me a happy holiday, ever. go stuff your happy holidays up your bum!!!!

Interesting Luce,my holidays involved a lot of abuse too and I am the opposite,I want to be wished a happy holiday.Maybe for me I am trying to make up for what I never had.

[skeksi]

My T does not wish me happy holidays. But mine tend to be retraumatizing due to seeing certain family, so I regard his not saying anything to be very kind and respectful. I do wish him happy holidays but I think we both understand that's different.

[Elio]

My t wishes me good holidays, I think this is usually in response to me wishing her well for the holiday. She did wish me a good day on my birthday, not a good/happy birthday.

[LadyShadow]

My T acknowledges holidays every year, and even gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek this year! I was so surprised. I think he is just happy that I finally found a job I love just in time for the holidays. I will be getting T a 10 year anniversary present when I see him in the New Year.

[SoConfused623]

My T who tells me next to nothing did confirm that she celebrates Christmas. The other day when I was leaving her office I said, "Merry Christmas T" and she said, "Merry Christmas SC." But she NEVER follows up on anything and I'm 100% positive that she will not be asking me how my Christmas was.

[FairyLeaf]

Usually no. He asks what my plans are for Christmas. But nothing huge.

One session where it was a hard one, at the end we somehow got on the topic about Christmas movies and he asked what is my favorite which I then asked if he's seen it. I recommended the movie as it is fun and funny.

When he did a phone check in with me I asked him what happens after the holidays. We talked about the sessions and not much other than that.

[CyclingPsych]

My therapist acknowledges holidays whenever one is coming up. Before Thanksgiving we had session and he would ask what I am doing for the holiday and wishes me a happy or great (insert holiday/event here)

[kecanoe]

On Monday, t2 asked if she could give me a Christmas hug. I said yes, it was ok. First time in 5 years. It might also have been that it was kind of a tough session, which I don't usually have with her. We were talking about vulnerability, which I am not a huge fan of.

ETA: She knows that I celebrate Christmas

I think to do so would be transferring an assumption you follow a certain belief system.

There is another thread that touches on the inappropriateness to bring religion up in sessions and make assumptons regarding belief systems. To do so I feel would be to cross the line.

Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say something like "Happy Holiday" or even to acknowledge one with a "If you do so, please have a great Christmas."

[Chummy2]

I can't remember if T1 did that. Maybe she wished me happy Christmas if we had a session right before Christmas, but I'm not sure. Other holidays not. With easter we don't do anything, we just have some time off. We aren't religious.
Most years she hasn't even wished me a happy birthday.

Current groupT's do acknowldge it. Every groupmember even got a sort of Christmas card from them. I gave a small card to them. I wouldn't do that to T1. Don't have the guts. I did gave her a goodbye card when she went on leave, and she thanked me for it. But I won't do that sort anymore. I feel it doesn't really mean anything to her. It wouldn't care. And I won't get anything from her. Not that I want much. Just a card/note. But whatever, I'm nobody.