[AnxiousandAlive124]

Why do I suddenly feel like telling T about my transference will end negatively for me now I honestly, honestly, don't want her to refer me. I have remained dormant with acting out my feelings in therapy, so I don't see how I am a harm to the relationship :/ Nevertheless, I sort of feel she will think it means we can no longer work together, temporary break from each other to see another T, etc. might happen I don't even have active fantasies about this woman really. Its fairly manageable, I just NEED to get it out there and find out what it means for me though, hence I need to tell her. :/ Damn I need advice with situations exactly like mine (past erotic transference, but not ever having acted them out).

Would it help to possibly think of it as a test for your T? To see if she's a good one by how she handles it?

I relate to the fear that telling her will end negatively, I really do. However, if you decide never ever to tell her, you won't ever find out about her reaction - you'd only imagine her potential reactions and worry about them.

Could it also be that you need to feel safer with her to be able to tell her? Sometimes, trust is built by taking risks, but sometimes a stronger feeling of safety is needed to take those risks.

How has she been so far with disclosures you've made?

[CantExplain]

Ts should be used to talking about transference.

[UglyDucky]

Why do you think she will refer you out? Is she new to being a therapist? Transference is a pretty typical thing in therapy; if you're afraid she'll not be able to work through it with you, you might want to find another T. Sorry to be so blunt, but transference happens even outside therapy, so Ts usually know how to deal w/it in therapy. Erotic transference, however, is a different story. Is that what you're referring to?

Curious as to what you mean by "acting them out"?

If your therapist is psychodynamic, she'll likely welcome the discussion. Especially if psychoanalytic. You could explore this and learn a lot about yourself.

Iv'e experienced this with 2 therapists and talked about it, it was fine. Mine wasn't that 'heavy' in terms of taking up all the therapy space or consistently present, although it had spikes of great intensity at times.

Not sure what you mean by erotic-loving vs sexual but am assuming you mean sexual. My therapist is psychoanalytic, and he said he talks about sex with clients every week of his life. Could be problematic with a non-psychodynamic therapist, who might not feel comfortable with the whole thing, as common as it is. In that case, it might be better to find someone else to work this through as this would likely come up again with another therapist.

Why do you have such a strong need to tell her?

[LonesomeTonight]

By "acted them out," do you mean like actively pursuing a T romantically and/or sexually? Just trying to clarify.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Would it help to possibly think of it as a test for your T? To see if she's a good one by how she handles it?

I relate to the fear that telling her will end negatively, I really do. However, if you decide never ever to tell her, you won't ever find out about her reaction - you'd only imagine her potential reactions and worry about them.

Could it also be that you need to feel safer with her to be able to tell her? Sometimes, trust is built by taking risks, but sometimes a stronger feeling of safety is needed to take those risks.

How has she been so far with disclosures you've made?

She has been pretty accepting with disclosures I've made, but I'm just worried she might refer me just because I have these feelings :/ I understand part of it is irrational, but I've never had to disclose my past transferences for others outside of my therapy, so if she accepts and validates my feelings, I'm sure it will be healing for me. I just hope the disclosure goes well and I do realize the worst she can do is refer me to get "help" with it and then tell me I'm welcome back...I just don't know how it will go and it's making me

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

By "acted them out," do you mean like actively pursuing a T romantically and/or sexually? Just trying to clarify.

Yes, I mean it's not like I've tried to pursue her.

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by UglyDucky

Why do you think she will refer you out? Is she new to being a therapist? Transference is a pretty typical thing in therapy; if you're afraid she'll not be able to work through it with you, you might want to find another T. Sorry to be so blunt, but transference happens even outside therapy, so Ts usually know how to deal w/it in therapy. Erotic transference, however, is a different story. Is that what you're referring to?

What's so different with erotic transference?? It's just another variation of transference.