[ladyrevan21]

So, I came across some pretty interesting bits of info and such:

-Before 2015, I actually had some pretty tangled experiences in regards to my high school years. Like it was hard to remember 14-17.

-By my therapist's definition, the amount of trauma (mostly at school) that I experienced would be enough to screw with anybody's self-esteem. So it's no wonder that I end up blaming and shaming myself a lot; it's sort of like even though I am technically out of the environments that caused this, I am still kind of being mean to myself just to pick up where my worse teachers left off.

-Some of the memories I'm worried about may not have been encoded thanks to the confusion I experienced in them. Which explains why they seem so contradictory and not very processable, for lack of a better word.

So...that's what I learned about myself. Pretty interesting. Question is what to do with all this. I can't say I know how to feel.

[ruh roh]

That must have felt good to have your therapist validate the effect of your school experiences.

[kecanoe]

I also have foggy/lacking memories. My approach has been to deal with what I remember and trust that my brain will remember the things I need to remember. Honestly, if there is trauma I am nor remembering, I would prefer it stay that way.

[CantExplain]

((LadyRevan))

Trauma blocks good memories as well as bad.

[junkDNA]

i have the same question- what do i do with this now?

i blocked out most of my life from 0-10 years old. now its slowly coming back to me. my T uses the dam metaphor a lot... talking about trauma is like letting a little bit of water out of the dam slowly, plugging it up when it gets too much. he says we have to be careful about the water gushing through uncontrollably... which is what is happening now.

like, ok, all this ****** stuff happened. what now?? where do i go from here.

a lot of the time i regret ever starting therapy... i had no idea it would be this way. i miss being simple minded and ignorant about myself and my deep rooted issues... yeh i was a huge drug addict near death, but i thought that was just what i wanted in life. i had no idea i was running from so much bad stuff