wants vs reality

I'm stuck in the tug of war of wanting T to be more but knowing she can't be... & it sucks!

They don't have to be exactly what we want them to be. What we get can be surprisingly good too.

This is so hard Teddy! I have struggled with this so many times I can't even count them anymore.
I always wanted my t to be my mother and my friend and lover but I know she can't be anyone only my t. What would you like your t to be?

Yes, it is so hard! I too am struggling with this, Teddy! in fact t and i talked about it just yesterday evening in my session. Not an easy topic, but we talked about how for me, the fantasy would be wanting to mean as much to her as she does to me. I'm trying to figure out where that comes from.

thanks for this, Mouse. a lot of the time i am happy with what she actually is to me. It's just, I seem to keep coming back around to struggling with wanting her to be more. thankfully that's not a constant state for me!

A mother! Sometimes it hurts more because I know deep down she would be an amazing mother too. Sometimes I wish my T would be mean or get angry at me so as to make me not miss & want her so much.

I go through this with my t too. It hurts a lot because my t does get angry and mean, she turns into my mother.
How do you know your t would be an amazing mother? She is different in her role as therapist. Sometimes ts are amazing therapists and horrible mothers. I began to accept that my t is different outside of our sessions. She is human and makes mistakes.
Have you shared all of this with your t?

Just want to say I understand. It hurts me deeply that my T can't be everything to me: sister, mother, friend, and partner. She can only be my T. But, as Mouse, said, what we do get can be pretty special too!

Chiming in to say that I also want T1 to be more to me than he is. The only thing I know to do is to keep telling myself that he is very different in the hour long session than he is outside of work. He even told me once that his son, overhearing him on the phone with a client said to him that he wished T would treat him (son) with same respect. Ouch.

Yeah, I think in some ways I am lucky to get short bursts of T instead of the all-day, everyday T. He can be 100% focused on me, analyzing what i say and do so he can be attentive and meeting my needs. Nobody can be like that so much in real life.