Has anyone successfully dealt with transference with your T?

I have heard about people going through transference, as I am currently, and wonder if it is true that there will be a time when I will be okay with termination of therapy? Thanks!

How about if the T dealt with his transference?

I had one who did not. It led to my breakdown. That was before I ever heard of counter-transference.

But that doesn't relate to your question...

That also happened to me pachyderm. At the time I didn't fully realise that was what happened......but instead of helping he hurt me.

In answer to the question, I do know of people who have successfully dealt with transference. Sorry this isn't more helpful....

Thanks for the replies pachyderm and fuzzybear!
The books speak of people who have worked through this transference, but I have yet to know anyone who has.
Take care,
Soliaree

Hey, Soliaree, I did fine with my T and it only took 9+ years, 1996-2005 :-) My biggest problem was my stepmother and working through my childhood with her. My mother died when I was a toddler, was sick all my life, and my stepmother and I were not a good match (my father remarried when I was 5). I started back in therapy when my stepmother started to get senile and issues from my early childhood started to come back up. I had "merged" my mothers and that was one of the big successes I had from therapy, getting them separated. I had seen this T from 1978-1987 too but I was a "shell" when I first saw her and we worked that whole time on getting me to be a person :-) I met my husband-to-be in 1984 and he was very supportive/valuable to me with my second batch of therapy. But I worked through almost all of the transferrence to mothers and fathers, etc. and termination has turned out well (which worried me a great deal as I didn't do it too well in 1987, the first time I did it but we were able to work all that through also). My stepmother died in 2001 while I was still in therapy and that worked out well too. Therapy has been one of the best things in my life so far.

No I don't know of anyone but I believe it's possible. I've talked to my T about my worry with termination and transference. She says it's not like a "boom - you're done" type of thing, it's them helping you form other relationships and they won't "let go" until you are ready. And if, after they "let go" you need to come back, that's ok too.

Soliaree, I'm never quite sure what people mean when they say "transference" as there seem to be different definitions. I do not experience the type of transference where I transfer feelings toward my mother or father onto my T and react to him as if he is them (e.g. getting angry at him because of something my mother did to me 30 years ago). But I do experience profound and deep attachment to my therapist, and I have heard some people call this transference. I was very uncomfortable and scared with the attachment at first and at times resisted it. It was so scary to let someone get so close to me and to need him so very very much. But as time passed I felt more and more comfortable with my attachment and the high degree of trust and caring between us. He showed me many times through his words and actions that it was safe to attach to him. I had some profound moments of realizing I could really trust him and was able to let go of some of my fears of abandonment by him. I still have difficulties some times, like simply emailing the guy last week was hard, but overall, I am very comfortable with how strongly attached I am to him. In fact, I love it. But I am not ready for termination.

Perna,
Thanks for sharing your story! I commend you on your ability to get past this thing called transference. I know that I am stuck at this point, but I hold out hope that things will get better. Therapy has been a life-saver for me also!

Stormyangels,
My T said much of the same thing. He said that he wasn't going anywhere and that I was always welcome to come back. I've been seeing him once per week for awhile, but feel like he thinks I should see him every other week (although he says no to this). It makes me feel like a big loser at times. I constantly ask him if I am annoying him and he always replies, "no". I guess I'll just have to believe him.

Sunrise,
Good question about transference. My transference is mostly wanting my T to be the father that I never had, but I did feel erotic transference for a little while when times were realy stressful. I notice that my attachment to my T waxes and wanes depending on the amount of anxiety I am experiencing.

Thanks!
Soliaree

wow - these sound like great Therapists!

Where can I find one that shares these attributes of understanding, yet firm with boundaries?

SSR

You might find that as you feel less anxious you will experience less in the way of transference feelings.

There are a lot of different definitions of transference on the market. The definition I like is something along the lines of transfering feelings and expectations etc that were present in past relationships into present relationships. While this happens with therapists it also happens with our other current relationships (our lovers and friends etc). I like that definition because it characterises the therapy relationship as an intense version of other relationships in our life. Rather than being something so radically different from all our other relationships.

I think that as such (if you buy into that definition / characterisation) then transference is always going to be a matter of degree and it always will be present to some degree in all of our relationships. As such it might get better over time (as you get to see your therapist more as a distinct individual rather than being 'just like' past figures) and it might also get better over time as you start to see (and work through) some of the transference patterns that you have (e.g., the desire for a secure father-figure). But... matter of degree, yeah.

Soliaree,

I am working through intense transference in therapy with my T -- I think at this time I am transferring feelings I had toward my mother, specifically about abandonment. I am nowhere near termination but I understand that it is possible to get to a point where these transference feelings are less intense, as we work through the issues....

I also think the feelings change depending on the moment, sometimes mother, sometimes father sometimes who knows?