[ABC1357]

Does your therapist guide you in session by asking questions etc? What do they do if you completely stop talking in session?

My first therapist asked questions every time I got stuck, and that was really helpful. But my second therapist just wait until I start saying something. So, I sometimes spend long time without saying anything. I'm super uncomfortable with that silence and get stressed out, and also feel like wasting money.

[Salmon77]

My T asks questions or makes comments about things I say. If I get stuck he waits a few minutes and doesn't say anything. I'm uncomfortable with silence too so usually I either think of something to say or I ask a question. Sometimes after a while T will redirect me to expand on something I said earlier. Maybe when you get stuck you could try thinking about what you've already said, see if there is anything more you could say about it or if there is another direction you could take that topic?

[junkDNA]

yea, most of the time. if i stop talking it usually means im either a. dissociating or b. hearing voices. and he will ask me whats up

My sessions were very much dialogues, and my therapists knew how to help me get unstuck (which happened often). I would have detested a therapist who just sat there while I wallowed in silence; that would have been torturous for me. They had ways of helping me access my voice. The thoughts were always there, but they were sometimes strangled inside me from fear and dissociation. My therapists were perceptive enough to realize that if I was silent too long, I was inwardly in great pain. They were able to help me put words to that pain -- kind of like a relief valve on a pressure cooker.

I also detest silence in therapy sessions and while I can understand how it may be good in certain situations if the client is comfortable with it or requests it, I personally think a therapist sitting there saying nothing to someone who is obviously stuck and does not know what to do is kinda cruel. I never had this issue because I have never had a problem talking in sessions but definitely prefer an interactive, engaged T over a passive one.

[1stepatatime]

Those silences. I absolutely hate them! They don't happen as often as they used to thankfully but when they do it's uncomfortable. I don't get how anyone would be okay with it. It's one thing to take some time to reflect or ponder something but to sit there in the almost unbearable silence, it's awful. When it happens I'm drawing blanks, which makes me anxious, which makes me shut down further. If it goes on too long she'll ask me what I'm thinking or whats going on. Honestly I don't find it to be helpful to sit in that discomfort, it feels cruel.
I'm constantly reflecting about my experiences in therapy, it's quite a mix of various thoughts.

[ABC1357]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I also detest silence in therapy sessions and while I can understand how it may be good in certain situations if the client is comfortable with it or requests it, I personally think a therapist sitting there saying nothing to someone who is obviously stuck and does not know what to do is kinda cruel. I never had this issue because I have never had a problem talking in sessions but definitely prefer an interactive, engaged T over a passive one.

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Those silences. I absolutely hate them! They don't happen as often as they used to thankfully but when they do it's uncomfortable. I don't get how anyone would be okay with it. It's one thing to take some time to reflect or ponder something but to sit there in the almost unbearable silence, it's awful. When it happens I'm drawing blanks, which makes me anxious, which makes me shut down further. If it goes on too long she'll ask me what I'm thinking or whats going on. Honestly I don't find it to be helpful to sit in that discomfort, it feels cruel.
I'm constantly reflecting about my experiences in therapy, it's quite a mix of various thoughts.

Indeed, it's really cruel. I found I started scratching myself in session when the silence continues too long. That makes me super anxious. Maybe I can talk why I get silent in session and feel anxious in silence in next session. I have a lot of things I want to talk or I'm struggling, but I don't know where to start. I have too many problems in my life.

[growlycat]

I tend to scratch the back of my hands when anxious. I have a large scabbed over area on the back of one of my hands right now.
I hate silences too!!
Kashi isn't very directive but he doesn't let silences linger too long either.

[Elio]

Early on my t stated that there would be more silences as we had gotten past the intake/introduction phase. I freaked out on her, my first meltdown. Needless to say anytime that there isn't enough of her talking, I have an issue. We've had some silences and depending on the situation, she'll give me words; she'll let me sit for a bit and then ask me what is going on; in one of the last sessions, she let the silence linger a bit longer than usual, she did move, and that caught my attention as I was looking at the floor in between us... and I got this bashful smile (that I hate) took a deep breath and started talking. I have a feeling that she's going to start moving us more to that silence spot as she sorts out my tolerance level for it.

[Liberada]

Oh. My god. My first therapist. I had no experience (and apparently neither had she) and needed emergency help. I blurted out EVERYthing (suicide, homicide...) and she was like, hold on, wait a minute. So, we got to know one another over about 5 sessions (twice a week) then at the end of the last one (3-4week?)she says, "oh, you won't be seeing me anymore. I'm leaving (for greener pastures) I was totally and utterly devestated. I poured my heart out to her. I showed her my naked soul. And she's like, well, I'm gone! Nice to see ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!
So that was in 07. I've had 2 more since then. I got along with neither. One, the last two appointments, especially the last, was me listening to her talk about her trip to Disney World. Two things. That and when we first met she said, "you should know if you say anything to the dr about me I'm going to know about it".

I THINK I have a good one now. The first thing he told me was he didn't do head games and he didn't do ********. I wish I could put him in my pocket.

[Liberada]

And at this point, I don't even remember what the thread was about. I apologize. No sleep makes for a confused woman.

Silence is as much a part of discovering ourselves as words. There's to much noise in our life's. To SHARE a silence is something we rarely get to experience.
In the beginning of my therapy I couldn't bear, nor understand is point. I think a good T knows how to balance talk with silence.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Silence is as much a part of discovering ourselves as words. There's to much noise in our life's. To SHARE a silence is something we rarely get to experience.

This has been a valuable experience for me as well. But I think how much is too much silence and what is respectful patience if someone is working towards saying something is not a universal thing.

I explained my general discomfort with silence as it related to my history-- I felt that silence was used against me to enhance my anxiety and for an abuser to gather his resources to attack. I asked my T to break the silence more quickly than she had been, and she was happy to accommodate.

Like many things in therapy, it can be very helpful to communicate about the thing. For me it helped illuminate what I believed about silence, and helped me bring the past into consciousness in a way that I could play with it. Sometimes I even "shoosh" my T if she breaks the silence too quickly now.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess

This has been a valuable experience for me as well. But I think how much is too much silence and what is respectful patience if someone is working towards saying something is not a universal thing.

I explained my general discomfort with silence as it related to my history-- I felt that silence was used against me to enhance my anxiety and for an abuser to gather his resources to attack. I asked my T to break the silence more quickly than she had been, and she was happy to accommodate.

Like many things in therapy, it can be very helpful to communicate about the thing. For me it helped illuminate what I believed about silence, and helped me bring the past into consciousness in a way that I could play with it. Sometimes I even "shoosh" my T if she breaks the silence too quickly now.

Silence was used against me to build anxiety, too. It's still sometimes hard for me to handle with T, but I am learning that sometimes our silent times can be caring, not fear-inducing.

My T rarely guides me and it has been the source of much consternation for me, but I've grown to appreciate the fact that I get to choose what we speak about, and how much. There are a lot of silent stuck times, though.

Originally Posted by ListenMoreTalkLess

This has been a valuable experience for me as well. But I think how much is too much silence and what is respectful patience if someone is working towards saying something is not a universal thing.

I explained my general discomfort with silence as it related to my history-- I felt that silence was used against me to enhance my anxiety and for an abuser to gather his resources to attack. I asked my T to break the silence more quickly than she had been, and she was happy to accommodate.

Like many things in therapy, it can be very helpful to communicate about the thing. For me it helped illuminate what I believed about silence, and helped me bring the past into consciousness in a way that I could play with it. Sometimes I even "shoosh" my T if she breaks the silence too quickly now.

Yes we have to discuss the silence. I have.

[InnerPeace111]

My therapist doesn't ask me many questions in general. I really only become silent after I've shared something particularly difficult. My T won't let the silence go on for too long. She will then do the talking until I'm able to join back in and we take it together from there. I love how she does this.

I thought I was the only one having this problem in therapy. Not a nice feeling at all! That silence is so nerve racking. I asked her why she stares during the silence. Oh well!

[ABC1357]

Originally Posted by Denise27

I thought I was the only one having this problem in therapy. Not a nice feeling at all! That silence is so nerve racking. I asked her why she stares during the silence. Oh well!

I thought I am, and my t told me that he has one client who talked nothing but keeps coming. Then I knew I'm not the only one. But I don't want to keep paying to be just panicked in session.