[retro_chic]

I can't sleep despite being exhausted. I keep crying and I'm not really sure why. Also feeling scared and I don't know why. 8 more sleeps until I see T again. I don't know why I'm so eager to see her because I feel worse now than I did when I started seeing her a year ago.

[Out There]

Maybe it's because suppressed feelings can surface in therapy. I just returned after a three week break and had some of those feelings. And I have felt worse before I felt better. I've learned to just go with the feelings more. I think your T sounds like a good one.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Out There

Maybe it's because suppressed feelings can surface in therapy. I just returned after a three week break and had some of those feelings. And I have felt worse before I felt better. I've learned to just go with the feelings more. I think your T sounds like a good one.

I know that's probably true (about the suppressed feelings) but it just feels so horrible.

[retro_chic]

I just really worry I'm going be this way forever and if that is the case I don't really see the point in existing. I think that is what scares me the most.

[Gettingitsoon]

I feel this way too right now.
Opening up old wounds, feeling stuff I've suppressed for ages....it's pretty awful.
I'm trusting my t that it's an investment in long term growth and stAbility.

Wishing you peace.

I understand what you are experiencing. It's a brutal experience.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

I can't sleep despite being exhausted. I keep crying and I'm not really sure why. Also feeling scared and I don't know why. 8 more sleeps until I see T again. I don't know why I'm so eager to see her because I feel worse now than I did when I started seeing her a year ago.

That sounds a lot like treatment failure. Sounds disruptive and destabilizing.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by BudFox

That sounds a lot like treatment failure. Sounds disruptive and destabilizing.

What do you think I should do about it (other than tell T how I'm feeling when I see her)? I really love my T and want to continue working with her. In the weeks before the break we got into some deeper stuff which brought up a lot of intense feelings that I never knew I had. Also, over this break a whole bunch of family drama has been going on which has been very stressful/upsetting/triggering. T and I really couldn't have predicted the kind of drama that occurred. With that in mind I don't know if I could call this a treatment failure but obviously something isn't working.

[retro_chic]

Sorry to be annoying but does anyone have some ideas on what I should do about this situation if it is treatment failure?

[Merecat]

It's not necessarily treatment failure- I go through times when I feel upset and oreoccupied because therapy has basically taken a layer of skin off something that's a bit tender, but therapy is supposed to do that. And you've a lot going on just now and have just got through the holiday season. We all post from a place of personal experience and bias with some folk having less positive experiences than others.

It would be useful to talk to your T about your deeming worse as things go on and they will be able to help you unpick that. If you think there's something your T does that drives you feeling worse, it's worth feeding that back. In the meantime maybe do some relaxation exercises or journaling to help soothe yourself.

[BudFox]

I try not to give advice. Was just making an observation based on what you said, which implied that therapy was making you feel worse. By most objective measures, feeling worse after a year of (presumably weekly) sessions constitutes failure. It's common in therapy-land to spin this various ways, but feeling worse kinda speaks for itself. Since that is rarely said, thought it might be useful to point out. I have family and relationship turmoil also, so i get that, and if therapy is causing ANY distress on top of that, not good in my experience. Hope it gets better for you.

[skeksi]

It sounds like things were churned up and the break churned more up. I would share with T your concern about feeling worse and see hat you guys can come up with together. It may be you are having a rough patch or it may be you need something about your therapy to change. But you can raise it and address it.

I personally think it's because all your defense mechanisms dissolve in psychoanalytic therapy.

But, ideally, a better state of mind awaits someday.

Blocking the bad blocks out some of the good too. Best to re-structure your mental functioning while you're young and most resilient.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Merecat

It's not necessarily treatment failure- I go through times when I feel upset and oreoccupied because therapy has basically taken a layer of skin off something that's a bit tender, but therapy is supposed to do that. And you've a lot going on just now and have just got through the holiday season. We all post from a place of personal experience and bias with some folk having less positive experiences than others.

It would be useful to talk to your T about your deeming worse as things go on and they will be able to help you unpick that. If you think there's something your T does that drives you feeling worse, it's worth feeding that back. In the meantime maybe do some relaxation exercises or journaling to help soothe yourself.

Thanks for the reply! I definitely feel like that's what has happened (the layer of skin thing) and it has just been unfortunate that it has happened at the same time as T being away and all this other family stuff that's been going on. I think it is important for to define what exactly feeling "worse" means to me because that will lead me into figuring out what will make me feel better I think.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I try not to give advice. Was just making an observation based on what you said, which implied that therapy was making you feel worse. By most objective measures, feeling worse after a year of (presumably weekly) sessions constitutes failure. It's common in therapy-land to spin this various ways, but feeling worse kinda speaks for itself. Since that is rarely said, thought it might be useful to point out. I have family and relationship turmoil also, so i get that, and if therapy is causing ANY distress on top of that, not good in my experience. Hope it gets better for you.

Thanks for your reply! I understand where you're coming from. I don't really think T has done anything to make me feel worse other than take a vacation/holiday over the christmas time which triggered feelings of abandonment. T is aware of my issues surrounding that and it something we talk about often. I think the problem is that the timing was really bad and all these external factors triggered me at the same time as T being away. Hopefully once I get back into my regular therapy routine everything will settle down a bit.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by skeksi

It sounds like things were churned up and the break churned more up. I would share with T your concern about feeling worse and see hat you guys can come up with together. It may be you are having a rough patch or it may be you need something about your therapy to change. But you can raise it and address it.

Thank you for your reply!
I agree with you about pretty much everything. I will see what T has to say about it all and hopefully we can figure out a solution to handling these types of things better in the future.

[retro_chic]

Originally Posted by Skies

I personally think it's because all your defense mechanisms dissolve in psychoanalytic therapy.

But, ideally, a better state of mind awaits someday.

Blocking the bad blocks out some of the good too. Best to re-structure your mental functioning while you're young and most resilient.

Thanks for this!
I am holding out for that "better state of mind someday". That is the ultimate goal I guess. From what I understand about psychoanalytic therapy it is normal to feel worse for a short period when letting down your defenses and feeling vulnerable so hopefully this just a rough patch that will pass soon.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by retro_chic

Thanks for your reply! I understand where you're coming from. I don't really think T has done anything to make me feel worse other than take a vacation/holiday over the christmas time which triggered feelings of abandonment. T is aware of my issues surrounding that and it something we talk about often. I think the problem is that the timing was really bad and all these external factors triggered me at the same time as T being away. Hopefully once I get back into my regular therapy routine everything will settle down a bit.

Seems to me that if therapy induces feelings of dependency and then the therapist goes on holiday/vacation/leave and the client experiences this as distressing or as a virtual abandonment, the therapist has in fact done something wrong. The mistake is in provoking strong needs in a context where by design the client will be left to their own devices for long periods (even the separation between sessions). If you shower someone with attention for an hour every week, in this ritualistic fashion, people become habituated to it. If there is a forced break while the therapist lies on a beach somewhere, some clients are going to freak out and have a withdrawal experience. And judging by what I read they will usually self-blame and self-pathologize, even though the process has inflicted this cruelty on them. I went thru this.